Friday, October 29, 2004

Marvel Done Lost Their Minds

I imagine the meeting for Spider-Man: India went something like this:

Dumb Ass Ex: We need new ways to oversaturate the market with Spider-Man. What do kids like?

Ass Kisser #1: Skateboarding!

Ass Kisser #2: Squirtable yogurt on the go…

Ass Kisser #3: Ninjas!

Dumb Ass Ex: My kid loves this Prince of Persia game on XBOX. Anything there?

Ass Kisser #1: Perfect!

Ass Kisser #2: I love it!

Ass Kisser #3: Persia’s the new Japan!

The New Guy: Isn’t Persia now Iran?

Ass Kisser #1: Is it?

Ass Kisser #3: How about India, like a Bollywood angle…

Ass Kisser #2: Ooooh…Yeah. Very hip.

Dumb Ass Ex: I've got it! Spider-Man as a young Indian teenager with baggy pants and funny shoes!

Ass Kissers #1, #2 & #3: Brilliant!

The New Guy: (eyes roll to the back of his head and he dies a little inside)

Pavitr Prabhakar?! Come on...

Thursday, October 28, 2004

There's Already Been 5?!

CBS ANNOUNCES THE IDENTITIES OF THE 11 COUPLES COMPETING IN 'THE AMAZING RACE 6'

MY EARLY ODDS (for EJR):

ADAM MALIS & REBECCA CARDON
RELATIONSHIP: FORMERLY DATING
ODDS: 1000 to 1
COMMENTS: DONE BEFORE THEY START.

KRIS PERKINS & JON BUEHLER
RELATIONSHIP: DATING LONG DISTANCE
ODDS: 750 to 1
COMMENTS: NO WAY THESE GUYS WIN.

MEREDITH TUFARO & MARIA SAMPOGNA
RELATIONSHIP: BEST FRIENDS
ODDS: 500 to 1
COMMENTS: BEST FRIENDS…FROM QUEENS. MAY COME TO BLOWS BY END OF FIRST CHALLANGE.

GUS McLEOD & HERA McLEOD
RELATIONSHIP: FATHER/DAUGHTER
ODDS: 500 to 1
COMMENTS: POP IS TWICE HER AGE AND THEY CURRENTLY LIVE 3,000 MILES APART. ME SMELLS SOME UNCOMFORTABLE TV MOMENTS.

HAYDEN KRISTIANSON & AARON CRUMBAUGH
RELATIONSHIP: DATING ACTORS
ODDS: 250 to 1
COMMENTS: WAY TO SHARE BABY VADER’S NAME. SCREW THESE GUYS.

DON ST. CLAIRE & MARY JEAN ST. CLAIRE
RELATIONSHIP: GRANDPARENTS
ODDS: 250 to 1
COMMENTS: COMBINED AGE OF 135…

LENA JENSEN & KRISTY JENSEN
RELATIONSHIP: SISTERS
ODDS: 100 to 1
COMMENTS: A STRIPTEASE AEROBICS INSTRUCTER AND A MODEL FROM UTAH. WHERE IN UTAH DO EITHER OF THESE GALS MAKE ANY MONEY?! YES, THEY ARE BLONDES.

JONATHAN BAKER & VICTORIA FULLER
RELATIONSHIP: MARRIED ENTREPRENEURS
ODDS: 50 to 1
COMMENTS: TOO OBVIOUS TO ACTUALLY WIN.

FREDDY HOLLIDAY & KENDRA BENTLEY
RELATIONSHIP: ENGAGED MODELS
ODDS: 10 to 1
COMMENTS: THE PRODUCERS ARE GOING TO DO WHATEVER THEY CAN TO KEEP THESE GUYS AROUND.

AVI SCHNEIER & JOE RASHBAUM
RELATIONSHIP: HIGH SCHOOL BUDDIES
ODDS: 5 to 1
COMMENTS: THE TYPE OF TEAM THAT ALWAYS GOES FAR – THEN TOTALLY BLOWS IT.

LORI HARVEY & BOLO DAR'TAINIAN
RELATIONSHIP: MARRIED PRO WRESTLERS
ODDS: 2 to 1
COMMENTS: LIKE THE SONG SAYS “HE’S got the brawn, SHE’s got the brains. THEY’LL make lots of money…”

Comic Book Pick Of The Week

Solo #1

Written by: Tim Sale, Brian Azzarello, Jeph Loeb, and Diana Schutz
Art by: Tim Sale
Format: Bimonthly
Price: $3.95
Synopsis: Unfettered by the constraints of a regular monthly series, SOLO’s artists work in a variety of genres - using whichever characters they wish! SOLO debuts in style with fan-favorite artist Tim Sale (CATWOMAN: WHEN IN ROME, BATMAN: THE LONG HALLOWEEN) in an issue that features a must-read follow-up story to SUPERMAN FOR ALL SEASONS (written by Jeph Loeb), a Catwoman/Batman tale (written by Brian Azzarello), a Supergirl adventure (written by Dark Horse editor Diana Schutz), and more!

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You had me at Tim Sale.

Interior Preview


Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Gritty, Sex-filled Prison Memoirs Headed To Bookstores This Spring

Oh lord, I can't wait for the steamy shower chapter...

from IMDb
Stewart Writes Prison Book

Lifestyle guru Martha Stewart's five-month jail stint could become a lucrative experience for her - she's penning her prison memoirs. Stewart has reportedly asked her lawyer Allen Grubman's aides to pitch her proposed literary offering to New York publishers, while she serves her sentence in a West Virginia institution. One book industry insider says, "You'd think that they would wait until she got out to pitch this so that she has the credibility to do it as a redemption story. It sort of seems like they've got the whole thing a**-backwards." However, New York magazine claims many publishers are excited by the prospect. Judith Regan says, "If it's a good story, I'm always interested." Miramax Books are also reportedly interest in winning the rights to Stewart's work. In March, Stewart was convicted of lying to federal investigators about a suspicious sale of her ImClone shares and is pursuing an appeal while she serves time behind bars

CD/DVD Pick Of The Week


Artist: Cat Power
Title: Speaking for Trees: A Film By Mark Borthwick (DVD/CD)
Label: Matador
List Price: $20.99
Details: DVD of Chan Marshall performing songs in an outdoor setting & 3 short films by Mark Borthwick; CD with one 20-minute unreleased song from the You Are Free sessions; Booklet with photography and writing by Mark Borthwick
Synopsis: This deluxe work of photographer, filmmaker and bookmaker Mark Borthwick documents Chan Marshall of Cat Power at the height of her You Are Free period, a time when the chanteuse was particularly interested in nature and the environment.

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Singer/songwriter Chan Marshall is deeply engaging and this collection frames her music perfectly. On the surface, the concept may remind some of Jack Johnson's Thicker Than Water or September Sessions, but the execution is completely different. A definite must own for fans, but worth checking out by music fans who can appreciate an artist performing her songs in their inspired environment.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Brett Favre To Decide The Nation's Fate

My friend Joni just sent me this. Click on the PackerNews.com link for the full story:

For the past 72 years, the fate of the Redskins in their last game before the election has predicted whether or not the incumbent party holds the White House. If the Redskins win, the incumbent party stays. If the Redskins lose or tie, the incumbent loses the White House. The rule has held for the last 18 elections. . . .

David Dolan, an assistant professor of mathematics at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay, calculated the odds of this happening for PackerNews.com: 1 in 263.5 million. (By the way, that's 2,600 times higher than the chance of getting killed by lightning!)

Monday, October 25, 2004

Post-Traumatic Stress Method Acting Disorder

Ah...

Reminds me of the the time I was in The Runner Stumbles and I beat the piss out of Sister Rita.

Actor Goes F'n Nuts


The More I Think About That Game...

...the more it bothers me. I can't even work. 6 to f'n 4!

Do you understand how impossible it is to score exactly 4 points in an American rules football game? You have to score two safeties - and no other points whatsoever! It's the only way to do it.

You've got better odds of being killed in a bathtub by some kind of crazy electric ape.


I Have A New Favorite Euphemism

And it is "various materials"

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from IMDb
Kravitz Sued Over Toilet Overflow

Rocker Lenny Kravitz is being sued for more than $300,000, after accusations he let his toilet overflow into a neighbor's apartment, causing "catastrophic water damage". The suit, filed in a New York City court, claims a commode in Kravitz's lavish Manhattan condominium "became blocked, clogged and congested with various materials" on August 1 and that his "negligence and carelessness" were solely to blame. The Amica Mutual Insurance Company is suing Kravitz to recover $333,850 it says it paid out to the Grammy-winning star's neighbor, a former insurance executive, for damage to his home. Kravitz's other neighbors in the trendy building in New York's SoHo district include rock star Courtney Love.
-----

Top 5 guesses as to what the "various materials" could have included are:

1) Lovely Silk Scarves
2) Poo
3) Hair
4) Drug/Booze Puke
5) A combination of 2, 3 and 4

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Thank God I'm At Work

Otherwise I may have watched this game.

6-4?!


Friday, October 22, 2004

A Rare Award Grand Slam

Wow.

How often does this happen?

Never.

The Steelers have the Week 6 AFC Offensive Player, AFC Defensive Player, NFL Rookie and NFL Play of the Week.

Congrats to Ben, James, Ben (again) and Kimo. That was one hell of a game.

I Wait For This List Like You...Probably Don't

2005 Preliminary Nominees for Pro Football Hall of Fame

My top 5 picks from the list:

Dan Marino: Did it all but win a ring. But no doubt he belongs in Canton.

Steve Young: Did the impossible – replaced Joe Montana on the field and in the record books.

Art Monk: I never liked the Redskins, but you can’t deny his greatness.

L.C. Greenwood: Four rings as part of the greatest defense the NFL has ever seen.

Ed & Steve Sabol: The brains and brawn behind NFL Films.

DVD Pick Of The Week


Ed Wood (Special Edition)

Starring: Johnny Depp and Martin Landau
List Price: $29.98
Details: Commentary by director Tim Burton and actor Martin Landau; Deleted scenes; Behind-the-scenes footage hosted by Johnny Depp
Synopsis: The stranger-than-fiction true story of the early career of Edward D. Wood, Jr., the undisputed “worst movie director of all time.” Wood was the auteur behind Glen Or Glenda? and Plan 9 From Outer Space and it is during the making of these two no-budget flicks that Wood is profiled.

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Finally people who don’t have $200 to spend on eBay for the ultra rare recalled DVD can watch this film in all its digital glory. Albeit minus the transvestite featurette “When Carol Met Larry.” C’est la…

This movie is best known for the top notch work from Depp and Landau. But what truly makes this film a classic is the sly casting and exceptional acting of its supporting characters. Sarah Jessica Parker, Patricia Arquette, Jeffrey Jones, Vincent D'Onofrio, Bill Murray and George “The Animal” Steele all lend fantastic performances that make this a great watch all day everyday.

Comic Book Pick Of The Week


Madrox #2

Written by: Peter David
Art by: Pablo Raimondi
Format: Limited Series
Price: $2.99
Synopsis: PART 2 (OF 5) - The murder of one of Madrox’s dupes sends the original Jamie on a quest to Chicago to determine just who was responsible... unaware that Clay, the assassin who killed his dupe, is stalking him, determined to finish the job.

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Call me lazy. Call me busy at work. Remind me that I recommended issue #1 last month. These things are true. But man this book is good. Don’t wait for the trade god dammit!

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Why I Thank God For 527 Groups

As a cheese steak loving football fan who is undecided this election year, I'm glad to know there are groups here to help me choose a candidate that I can be proud of. While I like some of what John Kerry has to say, he is clearly deficient in these crucial areas.

Football Fans For Truth

Cheese Steak Veterans For Truth

Swiss cheese?! God damn Commie!

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Roeth The Vote! Pt. 3



Looks like Big Ben's running mate has been named - And he's tough on terror!

CD Pick Of The Week


Artist: Elliott Smith
Album: From A Basement On The Hill
Label: Epitaph

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A few days off of the anniversary of his passing comes the final recording of a deeply troubled and extremely talented man. There has been much debate if the posthumous polishing of some of these tracks are what the artist intended or wanted. But issues like that tend to pop up when you die before your album is completed. And based on how solid, yet so slightly “un-Elliott,” these songs are, my guess is this debate will become a classic indie rock discussion to be heard from dorm room to coffeehouse for decades to come. As often is the case, many of the lyrics heard here seem to hint at the Elliott’s impending death, much in the same way listening to Nirvana or Tupac can. But let’s be honest, any Elliott Smith song, on any album, sounds a little grim. But yet it’s impossible to listen to “A Fond Farewell” the first time through and not get the chills.

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Special note to the people responsible for the least essential release of the week – William Hung's Hung For The Holidays: Thank you. You are half of the reason I started blogging to begin with. What a god damn waste of precious lasers and plastic. Just look at this thing!



Hmmm. Maybe I do want it.

Monday, October 18, 2004

I Have A Mighty Fine Beard

I was complimented on my beard today by singer/songwriter Josh Ritter. He then spoke of the minor difficulty he encountered growing the one he is currently sporting. I told him the trick was getting the area that is neither mustache nor beard to grow in. Then it's just cleaning up your neck every couple of days. When a bystander remarked that he thought I had a goatee just a few weeks ago, I said that was true, but with winter coming it was time to fill 'er back in.

3 awkward minutes later I walked away.

Roeth The Vote! Pt. 2

And now the first celebrity endorsement...



Ah yeah.

Roeth The Vote!


Click For Larger

At last a candidate has emerged for the stoner Steelers fan. If only they knew when, where and how to vote.

5-1



Costly win. Ben and Duce should be okay after the bye. But Chad and Casey could be lost for the year.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Much Love For The Rookie



Experts Love Big Ben

Fans Love Big Ben Too

Thursday, October 14, 2004

No DVD Pick Of The Week

What the hell! Two straight weeks with nothing I crave! Why don't Kerry and Bush address this obvious DVD recession that is going on. Then I could truly decide who shall lead me into tomorrow!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Comic Book Pick Of The Week


District X #6

Written by: David Hine
Art by: David Yardin
Format: Monthly
Price: $2.99
Synopsis: "MR. M" PART 6 (OF 6) The explosive conclusion to Bishop's very first case in District X! Bishop and Ismael have their final showdown with the mysterious Mr. M!

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This title has been a good read. Good not great. But you can see something there, just wanting to break through. This issue wraps up the first storyline, and I hope proves to be a great springboard to a stronger second arc. The three main characters have been established - Bishop, Ismael and the area known as District X. I like the Bishop that's written here and Ismael should prove to be a solid opposite. The book has a definite Alien Nation vibe, and District X itself should provide plenty of story potential. Peter David has already incorporated it in his Maddrox book and I hope more writers include this neighborhood in their New Yorks. In many ways I feel the same way with this book at the end of its opening arc as I did when I reached the final chapter of the first Power's TPB. If this series turns out half as good as Powers is, it'll be doing just fine by me.


Good Idea For A Movie

My friend Karen recently posted an entry on her blog about what scares the British.

Apparently if you teamed a terrorist spider with a dentist snake, supplied them with needles, and had them force Brits to speak publicly on a scaffold under the threat of death - you could fright the kak right out of their bums!

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

CD Pick Of The Week


Artist: Mos Def
Album: The New Danger
Label: Geffen

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Mos Def is the number 1 talent in hip-hop today. Get this.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Wow That's Crappy!

The proposed Wayne Industries logo from Batman Begins has been leaked. Apparently some producer's son made it using the TextArt tool in MS Word.

First Look at the Wayne Industries Logo

4-1



Win includes three rushing TDs - 1 more on the pile for Bettis, Duce's first of the year, and Big Ben's first career NFL TD run. Niiiice.

Saturday, October 09, 2004

This Job Seems Easy

I hate looking at someone else's job a saying, "That seems easy. I bet a monkey or dog could do it." But seriously, putting the Top 30 list together for Radio Disney every week seems pretty damn easy.

The breakdown by songs per artist this week:

6 Hilary Duff (signed to Hollywood Records, a division of Disney)
5 Raven [including 1 as part of Disney's Cheetah Girls] (signed to Hollywood Records)
2 Lindsay Lohan (both songs from Disney soundtracks)
2 Jesse McCartney (former Dream Street member)
2 JoJo
2 Ashlee Simpson
2 Avril Lavigne
1 D-Tent Boys (from Disney's Holes)
1 Kelly Clarkson (from Disney's Princess Diaries 2)
1 Ron Stoppable and Rufus (fictional characters from Disney's Kim Possible)
1 Greg Raposo (former Dream Street member)
1 Hoobastank
1 Black Eyed Peas
1 Skye Sweetnam
1 Stevie Brock
1 Yellowcard

Maybe even a really smart tuna.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

UK Reality TV Worse Than US Reality TV?!

Check out this story from IMDb:


Pig Masturbation Scene Arouses UK Audience
A storm of criticism has arisen in Britain over a 10-minute sequence of the Channel 5 reality series The Farm, in which one of the show's participants was seen masturbating a pig, then collecting about 3/4 of a pint of semen in a flask to be used for inseminating sows. The show's participant was Rebecca Loos, soccer star David Beckham's alleged ex-lover. Today's Guardian newspaper cited some typical viewer reaction: "It was just vile. It was probably the worst thing I have seen on TV. I just couldn't believe it was on television." Another: "Are there not laws against this kind of thing." The channel said that it was merely depicting a normal part of life on a farm.


If America's Next Top Model hears about this...

DVD Non-Pick Of The Week


Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddies Island Adventure

Starring: Randy Quaid and the ORIGINAL Audrey from the first film!
List Price: $19.97
Details: Original Trailer; Outtakes; A big set of hairy balls to illustrate how ridiculous the $20 price tag is
Synopsis: The Griswold' redneck Cousin Eddie loses his job at a nuclear testing facility, but not before he's bitten by a lab monkey and awarded an all-expenses-paid family vacation to the South Pacific by his lawsuit-fearing boss. And it gets even less funny after that.

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There is no release this week that I feel compelled to endorse - thus this poop disc for mocking.

Don't buy this. Don't watch it. It's SO bad Chevy Chase ISN'T in it.

Look! It's so full of crappiness it's f'n with my post's frame!

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Comic Book Pick Of The Week


Wolverine #20

Written by: Mark Millar
Art by: John Romita Jr.
Format: Monthly
Price: $2.25
Synopsis: "Enemy of the State" Part 1 of 6. It's Wolverine vs. the Marvel Universe as Logan shreds his way through the X-Men, Avengers, Fantastic Four, and S.H.I.E.L.D. Guest stars this issue include Nick Fury, Elektra and Kitty Pryde.

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The man behind Ultimates and Marvel Knights Spider-Man takes on the ol' Canucklehead. And he brings JR, Jr. along for the arc, which rules, because Junior’s style is perfect for Wolverine (see below). Greg Rucka’s run on Wolvie was solid early on, but I felt the final “Native” arc was very poorly handled. How do you f-up Wolverine vs. Sabertooth?! Really Greg... I have faith that Mark will put this title back on track.

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Characters John Romita Jr. should ALWAYS be allowed to draw:
Wolverine
Punisher
Nick Fury
The Hulk
The Thing
Assorted villainous monsters and beasts

Characters John Romita Jr. should NEVER be allowed to draw:
Spider-Man
Daredevil
Ironman
Silver Surfer
Any member of the Fantastic Four that is not The Thing
Women (especially The Wasp)

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

CD Pick Of The Week


Artist: Wyclef Jean
Album: Welcome to Haiti: Creole 101
Label: KOCH

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Wyclef is one of the most talented men in music today. And Haitian Creole is an amazingly fluid dialect. So since this marks the first time Wyclef has recorded an album in his native tongue, you’d be doing yourself a solid by picking it up.

He-Man?! John Woo Has Lost His Damn Mind!

Did he not see the Dolph Lundgren/Courteney Cox version?

Or worse, did he, and then thought to himself "Such lost potential. I could resurrect this franchise and travel the path to golden glory!"

Gah!

JOHN WOO HAS THE POWERRRRR!!

Monday, October 04, 2004

3-1



Jerome Bettis' stats for season so far:
18 Carries
22 Yards
5 TDs

He's on pace to be the biggest Fantasy Football vulture of all time.

Friday, October 01, 2004

Sweet Link

Curious to see who's linking to your Blog? Or want to see who's posted a link to a certain website? Check Technorati out. I found some cool blogs by typing the URL of sites I had posted links to and seeing who else out there had linked to the same URLs in one of their posts.

Worth a look. Unless of course you totally already knew about this and think I sound like a newbie with his first beer. In which case I bow to your superior blogging knowledge and ask you humbly - What is this "any" key I hear so much about...

Change Can Be Good

Most that know me, know I think Peter David's run on The Incredible Hulk is the best thing in comics over the past twenty years. And what was at first excitement on my part about his return for a six-issue run early next year has become hemorrhaging joy. It looks like a five-part story and a self-contained issue that could be used as a jumping off point for a full return to the book.

Oh lord please, to make up for the shot of Gungans rocking out on the rooftops of Naboo, please make this happen for me.

Go to PAD's blog for full details.

Slight change of plan with Hulk