Yes Virginia, The AP Used "Turd Burglar" In A Sentence

Thief Steals Poop From Woman Walking Dog

By Associated Press

SAN DIEGO - The hunt is on for a turd burglar. Police in San Diego are searching for a gunman who swiped a bag of poop from a woman out walking her dog.

The woman told police that she was out walking her dog, Misty, on Monday night when a man in his 20s ran up behind her and grabbed the bag she was holding.

When the gunman discovered what was in it, he threw it down in disgust, pointed his gun at the 32-year-old woman and demanded money, San Diego police detective Gary Hassen said.
He then aimed his .22-caliber semiautomatic at Misty and pulled the trigger twice but the gun didn't fire, Hassen said.

The robber ran to a waiting small, silver car and fled the scene, police said.

Z List Celebrities Set To Trainwreck For Nation's Entertainment

Surreal Life, which has managed to hover at C/D list level over the past few years, has decided to bypass even bottom of the barrel and go completely niche. And I guarantee if you love horrible people getting into arguments, Season 5 is for you.

Apprentice bitch Omorosa and America's Next Top Model judge/self proclaimed World's First Supermodel and total fucking bitch Janice Dickinson in the same house. With Pepa and Jose Canseco, who are both capable of 'roid rage at any moment. Also motocross legend Carey Hart, who is probably more known for his on-again/off-again relationship with Pink. Then there is internet slut, Caprice and Bronson Pinchot, aka Balki Bartokomous.

Holy shit.

The show premieres Sept. 4 on VH1.

Two More Days And My Shame Gets Archived

April will start me anew. And my horrible NCAA bracket will disappear from the main page. Not a good job by me filling it out. But to be fair, I was drinking a lot of cough syrup and tonic (I call it a "Barney Rubble"). Also I'm in a pool being hosted out of West Virginia. And all those townbillies picked West Virginia to go deep, so I might still be looking at a hole. The one year West Virginia goes off! At least most of the money goes to charity.

Props to DJ HLIGHTS who still has 3 out of his final 4 based on his post, including his national championship game. But when you miss you miss big, as Syracuse showed their true colors, shinning through, their true colors. True colors. true colors. true colors. true colors.

Orange.

The color.

The Tough Thing Is I Can't Decide If This Tarnishes Or Improves Air America's Credibility

Jerry Springer Joins Air America

American "The Office" Debuts Tonight

Hopes not so much high, really.

http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/

Insert Giant-Man Groin Joke Here

Hot on the heels of the insanely popular Hulk Hands toy, Toy Biz has released Thing Hands and as a added bonus Thing Feet. Appropriately the Hulk Hands model is a crazed child that will clean your clock, while the Thing model looks like he'd rather be reading a book and improving himself.

Hulk rules bitches!

Now Here's A Film I'd Stand In Line For Months Waiting To See

5-25-77

See the teaser here:
http://www.5-25-77.com/teaser.html

I Predict Bulk Candy Sales At Movie Theaters May Dip This Month

Here is the teaser poster going up for Strangers With Candy.

This film will be funny, but dear lord this poster hurts.

"I like the hole and the pole." - Geraldine "Jerri" Antonia Blank

Not Even Canadian Drugs Can Cure My March Madness!

Here's my predictions for the NCAA Tournament:

Play-in Winner:
Alabama A&M

First Round Winners:
Illinois
Nevada
Alabama
Boston College
LSU
Arizona
S. Illinois
Oklahoma State
Washington
Pitt
Georgia Tech
Louisville
Texas Tech
Gonzaga
West Virginia
Wake Forest
North Carolina
Iowa St.
Villanova
Florida
Wisconsin
Kansas
N.C. State
UConn
Duke
Stanford
Michigan St.
Syracuse
UTEP
Oklahoma
Iowa
Kentucky

Sweet 16:
Illinois
Boston College
LSU
Oklahoma State
Pitt
Louisville
Texas Tech
Wake Forest
North Carolina
Villanova
Kansas
UConn
Duke
Syracuse
Oklahoma
Kentucky

Elite 8:
Illinois
Oklahoma State
Louisville
Wake Forest
North Carolina
UConn
Duke
Kentucky

Final 4:
Oklahoma State
Wake Forest
North Carolina
Duke

Championship Game:
Duke over Oklahoma State 78-72

I Sense An Increase in Napkin Sales

off the AP Wire

Florida Lawmaker Seeks Toilet Paper Tax

By DAVID ROYSE, Associated Press Writer

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. - Florida's Legislature is flush with good ideas. Sen. Al Lawson's involves a 2 cent-per-roll tax on toilet paper to pay for wastewater treatment and help small towns upgrade their sewer systems.

The Democratic lawmaker's pay-as-you-go bill has been the source of many jokes - bathroom humor you might say - but he says the issue is a serious one, especially in some of the fast-growing Panhandle coastal counties in his district.

"They're experiencing a tremendous boom in growth and they're not able to accommodate the growth," Lawson said. "We've got 17 million people in this state and all of them can contribute to protecting our underground water supply."

In a Republican-dominated Legislature that doesn't like new taxes, the idea is likely to pretty quickly end up in the tank.

Senate President Tom Lee, R-Brandon, said he didn't think it would get too far, but didn't rule it out.

"We'll be getting to the bottom of it real soon," Lee said.

The House is skeptical as well.

"We're not wild about tax increases," said House Speaker Allan Bense, R-Panama City. "But we'll certainly let it go through the system."

If it were to pass, the extra two pennies would start being charged in October. Lawson said it could generate $50 million a year.

It would also need approval from Gov. Jeb Bush. He said that if toilet paper is taxed, people might use less of it.

"That's not necessarily a good thing," noted the governor.

And what about consumers? Wouldn't they be squeezed by a tax on the Charmin?

No, says Lawson.

"Two cents is not going to hurt families at all," he said. "This is one thing people don't mind paying for."

My New Favorite Football Player Is...

Clark Haggans.

Check out this excerpt from a Q&A he did with Steelers Digest.

Who's the one player you don’t want to see on the other side of the line heading your way?

Not really a player, but I would hate to see a grizzly bear put on some pads if he were on the other side of the ball and he was running at me with a bunch of saliva coming out of his mouth. He wasn't even trying to run me over to score, but instead trying to eat me. That or if on the other side of the ball God himself was at quarterback. He can do anything.

That's awesome.

12 Whiney Young People Forced To Relive My Childhood. I Hope These Bitches Like Pong.

courtesy of The Futon Critic

THAT '70S HOUSE (MTV, New!) - Production has begun on a new "Big Brother" meets "Frontier House"-esque reality series that takes 12 unsuspecting young people who think they're going to live it up "Real World"-style and sticks them in a home straight out of the '70s (i.e. no Internet, cable TV, cell phones or other modern luxuries). Said project, which has a 10-episode order, will then have the group compete in various '70s-related challenges such as roller boogie disco for an unspecified prize all the while walking, talking and dressing as if they belong in the era. Aaron Lee created the series, which comes from Adam Cohen and Joanna Vernetti's Super Delicious Productions ("The Assistant"). No targeted premiere date was given.

The Perfect Pre-Laser Zep Treat

Batman Begins to play IMAX theaters

http://www.moviepoopshoot.com/news/mar05/25.html