And The Winners Were...

Best Picture: Million Dollar Baby
Directing: Clint Eastwood
Best Actress: Hillary Swank
Best Actor: Jamie Foxx
Best Supporting Actress: Cate Blanchett
Best Supporting Actor: Morgan Freeman
Writing (Original Screenplay): Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Writing (Adapted Screenplay): Sideways

That would give me a 5 out of 8. Meh. I could point out that in 2 of my 3 misses my "Should Win" actually won. But then again I completely wiffed on the night's biggest prize, Best Picture. So I'd say that's a push.

I really liked Jamie Foxx's speech. But I doubt I'll see him up there for his role in the Miami Vice remake. No way "Tubbs" gets an Oscar. Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman were on the completely different spectrum of drugs. Speaking of Dustin Hoffman, what happened on the set of Lemony Snicket? The dude had an uncredited part and he gives the make-up girl a standing O. I guess he was on the "up" part of the drugs he took that crashed him back down in time to give out the final award. Oh, does anyone else agree that Antonio Banderas is about 20 pounds shy of being Mandy Patinkin? Just some puffy guy I'm tired of hearing sing. And no offense, but you guys are the Oscars, can we get anyone else but Beyonce to sing. Hell, just have her do the Counting Crows & Antonio's song too. That would have reduced the shows puffy guy quotient to 1 - Sean Combs - who somehow found his way on stage. I thought he was going to beat down Chris for the Source Award crack. And he would have been free to do it since Rock's accountants were off beating a sense of humor into Sean Penn. Penn dude, you may have the talent, but Chris has the personality (and Michael the looks, I guess...). Oh and good news, Hillary Swank thanked her husband Chad, so now he can hold his head high when he's out buying the groceries.

My Last Minute Oscar Picks

Wow, did I space on it being Oscar Sunday.

Here's what I think will happen.

Best Film
Nominiees:
THE AVIATOR
FINDING NEVERLAND
MILLION DOLLAR BABY
RAY
SIDEWAYS

Will Win: THE AVIATOR

My Pick: SIDEWAYS

Best Director
Nominiees:
Martin Scorsese - THE AVIATOR
Clint Eastwood - MILLION DOLLAR BABY
Taylor Hackford - RAY
Alexander Payne - SIDEWAYS
Mike Leigh - VERA DRAKE

Will Win: Clint Eastwood

My Pick: Martin Scorsese

Best Actress
Nominiees:
Annette Bening - BEING JULIA
Catalina Sandino Moreno - MARIA FULL OF GRACE
Imelda Staunton - VERA DRAKE
Hilary Swank - MILLION DOLLAR BABY
Kate Winslet - ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

Will Win: Hilary Swank

My Pick: Catalina Sandino Moreno

Best Actor
Nominiees:
Don Cheadle - HOTEL RWANDA
Johnny Depp - FINDING NEVERLAND
Leonardo DiCaprio - THE AVIATOR
Clint Eastwood - MILLION DOLLAR BABY
Jamie Foxx - RAY

Will Win: Jamie Foxx

My Pick: Jamie Foxx

Best Supporting Actress
Cate Blanchett - THE AVIATOR
Laura Linney - KINSEY
Virginia Madsen - SIDEWAYS
Sophie Okonedo - HOTEL RWANDA
Natalie Portman - CLOSER

Will Win: Laura Linney

My Pick: Cate Blanchett

Best Supporting Actor
Alan Alda - THE AVIATOR
Thomas Haden Church - SIDEWAYS
Jamie Foxx - COLLATERAL
Morgan Freeman - MILLION DOLLAR BABY
Clive Owen - CLOSER

Will Win: Morgan Freeman

My Pick: Alan Alda

Best Original Screenplay
THE AVIATOR
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND
HOTEL RWANDA
THE INCREDIBLES
VERA DRAKE

Will Win: THE AVIATOR

My Pick: ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

Best Adapted Screenplay
BEFORE SUNSET
FINDING NEVERLAND
MILLION DOLLAR BABY
THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES
SIDEWAYS

Will Win: SIDEWAYS

My Pick: SIDEWAYS

Holy... H... Ah... Cli... Ah... This...You... Downloaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

ahh... I need a smoke.

A Scanner Darkly Trailer

Oh Google, You've Done It Again!

No. Seriously. Sorry if I sounded sarcastic, but this is totally sweet. Google Movie Search.

http://www.google.com/googleblog/2005/02/google-movies-now-playing.html

Kick Ass Sub Powered By Irony

From the AP

Heavily Armed USS Jimmy Carter in Fleet

By CARA RUBINSKY, Associated Press Writer

GROTON, Conn. - The USS Jimmy Carter entered the Navy's fleet Saturday as the most heavily armed submarine ever built, and as the last of the Seawolf class of attack subs that the Pentagon ordered during the Cold War's final years.

The $3.2 billion Jimmy Carter was commissioned Saturday, the first submarine named after a living ex-president. Carter, himself a submariner during his time in the Navy, was on hand for the ceremony signaling the end of an era in submarining.

"The most deeply appreciated and emotional honor I've ever had is to have this great ship bear my name," Carter said in remarks prepared for the ceremony at the Naval Submarine Base New London.

Carter was joined by his wife, Rosalynn, former Vice President Walter Mondale and his wife, Joan, and Stansfield Turner, CIA director in the Carter administration.

The 453-foot, 12,000-ton submarine has a 50-torpedo payload and eight torpedo tubes. And, according to intelligence experts, it can tap undersea cables and eavesdrop on the communications passing through them.

It can reach speeds of more than 45 knots and carry Tomahawk cruise missiles and anti-submarine torpedoes, and it is engineered to be quieter than the other two Seawolves, making it better for surveillance.

John Pike, a military analyst with globalsecurity.org, said the ceremony closes the book on the big-submarine era.

"It was part of our strategy on how we were going to win World War III. It was a significant component in our response to the evil empire," he said.

In eastern Connecticut, a region steeped in submarine history and the home to the Electric Boat shipyard, which built and launched the Seawolves, some fear the Pentagon will close the New London base as it looks to shrink the submarine fleet and buy smaller, cheaper subs.

"It's hard to find a civilian that doesn't have some connection to the sub force," said Bud Fay, who owns a diner, car wash and laundry not far from the base gates in Groton.

To ensure that the last Seawolf was not obsolete before it hit the water, the Pentagon delayed production to install a 100-foot hull extension that military analysts say equips the Jimmy Carter to replace the USS Parche, one of the fleet's premier spy subs.

The Parche was decommissioned in October. The Jimmy Carter will be based at Naval Base Kitsap-Bangor in Washington's Kitsap County, the Parche's former home.

Penguins...I Knew It!

Gay German Penguins Tempted With Imported Swedish She-Whores

Long Live VH-1

It's like they read my brain at night and create shows accordingly. Check out their latest concept.

courtesy of wrestlingheadlines.com

The long rumored Hulk Hogan reality show will become a reality as VH-1 and Hogan have agreed to an eight show trail run. The series is being filmed at Hogan's mansion in Florida and it should begin airing in March or April. The show will feature cameos by good friends "Nasty Boy" Brian Knobs and "Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart as Hogan hired them to spy on daughter Brooke when she goes on her first date in one of the first episodes

More Boston Rob?! You Gotta Be Fuckin' Kidding Me!

The teams for Season 7 of The Amazing Race have been revealed.

http://www.thefutoncritic.com/cgi/gofuton.cgi?action=pr&id=20050209cbs01

And one of the teams happens to be ROB MARIANO and AMBER BRKICH. Didn't we just pay these two $1,000,000 in shut-up money to go away forever.

I hope they blew all their cash in Vegas and then they lose this so they have to go on Fear Factor and eat horse cock.

Star Wars Spoiler Below...

(Hmmm. I hope I don't get like a thousand hits based on this.)

courtesy of starwars.com

Here is the title crawl text for Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

War! The Republic is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Sith Lord, Count Dooku. There are heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere.

In a stunning move, the fiendish droid leader, General Grievous, has swept into the Republic capital and kidnapped Chancellor Palpatine, leader of the Galactic Senate.

As the Separatist Droid Army attempts to flee the besieged capital with their valuable hostage, two Jedi Knights lead a desperate mission to rescue the captive Chancellor...

Rugby Fan Loses Bet...

...and cuts off his balls!

I Totally Scored At The ComicCon

I managed to track down a troika of X-Mas bootleg goodness over the weekend.

The Star Wars Holiday Special

The best of the worst. A special so bad it almost destroyed the second greatest film franchise in history (sorry guys but I'll take Gollum and Hobbits over Jar Jar and Ewoks).

Highlights: Boba Fett cartoon. Drunk Carrie Fisher singing a song set to the Star Wars theme.

Lowlights: Chewbacca's son Lumpy. Diahann Carroll's holo-performance. Bea Arthur.


The Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special

DC's alien psychopath takes a contract from the Easter Bunny to kill Santa.

Highlights: Andrew Bryniarski IS Lobo. Perfect adaptation of the source comic book.

Lowlights: Andrew Bryniarski is Lobo. He's the best actor in this.


He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special

Prince Adam and Princess Adora have a big birthday party coming up. And so does Jesus.

Highlights: Every character from both series makes an appearance. Every awesome word of Skeletor's dialogue.

Lowlights: Hordak beats Skeletor in a fight?! Bullshit!

I Sense A Very Special "Ripped From Today's Headlines" Episode Of House

Imagine the dialogue...

"I'm the doctor who is trying to save this infant. You're the mohel who gave him herpes by using the ancient practice of drawing blood from his circumcision wound with your mouth!"

Yes.

You read that right.

I know...

No.

http://www.nydailynews.com/02-02-2005/news/local/story/277025p-237314c.html

MGM Part 2: Just So Much Hype?

Okay, my rage has been calmed a bit by the clearer thinking guys at Digital Bits (who I hold in high regard).

http://www.thedigitalbits.com/articles/mgmsuit/mgmsuit.html

Big Ben Beats The Shit Out Of McNabb's Mom

Story can be found here: http://secure2.steelers.com/article/50561/

These Fuckers Got Off Easy

For those not familiar with the bullshit move MGM pulled with their "widescreen" DVDs read below.

courtesy of VideoETA.com

MGM offers refunds in settlement over "widescreen"DVDs

By Tim Briscoe

There is a great divide in the world of DVD. As a consumer, you're either in the Widscreen camp or the Full-Screen camp. If you happen to be an MGM consumer, you may have been in both camps without realizing it. For those of you scratching your head over the differences between the two formats, basically Widescreen refers to the original theatrical presentation of a movie (think rectangle) and Full-Screen reflects the more traditional square shape of a TV. If you have ever seen the notorious black bars at the top and bottom of your TV while watching a movie, this movie was presented in a Widescreen format. In order to get a rectangular image to fit on a square TV, someone has to go through and chop off "presumably useless" footage from the entire movie. At MGM, someone did the reverse, they took an Full-Screen image that was already chopped up and chopped more off the top and bottom, added black bars and called it a Widescreen version. The movie purists sued MGM and they settled out of court. In the terms of the settlement, MGM has agreed to re-purchase any of these DVDs for $7.10 each -- or to exchange them for another in their selected catalog of 325 legitimate movies. The list of 550 victimized DVDs includes some classics like Spaceballs, The Silence of the Lambs, Rocky, The Terminator, and the eternal favorite Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. MGM has established a web site at www.mgmdvdsettlement.com to provide information on the list of movies and how to obtain a refund/exchange. The deadline for action is Mar. 31, 2005.
----

Putting black bars on a Full-Screen film is like some middle school A/V shit. Hey, MGM...WTF?!

And buy back for $7.10?! What are we? Crackheads? Fuck these guys. Granted if it were full price, I'd head down the every pawn shop in town and clean them out, making one nice profit. As it is I still might do so and swap them out for movies I might actually want. Hmmm. Sure it's kind of a dick move, but they started it. But then again I'm lazy. And that would take quite a bit of effort. But I do plan on combing through my DVDs tonight to see which ones these bastards fucked me on.