Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Holy Fucking Sweet Hulk Balls In Your Mouth!

Thursday, May 25, 2006

The Picture Makes A Good Case For Evolution...


[click on pic for bigger]

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Child Birth As Cheap PR

What gets you in the papers more than a craptastic baby name nowadays? (I'm looking at you TomKat and GwyChri.)

Here is this gem from the AP Wire. I love celebrities more than dogs love dry humping stuff.

Geri Halliwell Names Baby Bluebell Madonna

LONDON - Former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell has named her baby Bluebell Madonna.

The singer also known as Ginger Spice, 33, told Hello! magazine she'd been inspired by seeing the spring flowers during her pregnancy.

"But what really clinched it for me was my mother telling me that the bluebell is increasingly rare _ so it's precious flower, which seems just right for my daughter," Halliwell was quoted as saying.

Halliwell said she had chosen the middle name in honor of one of her heroines.

"As she came out of my tummy, Bluebell had both arms flung wide in the air as if announcing to the world, `Hi! I'm here!'" the magazine quoted Halliwell as saying.

"She was screaming her head off, as though she was shouting, `Hello, Wembley!' No one else has that name, apart from the Virgin Madonna and the singer, whom I love."

The baby was born May 14 at London's Portland Hospital weighing 5 lbs 12 ounces.

In the Hello! interview, Halliwell made no mention of the baby's father. He is reportedly Hollywood scriptwriter Sacha Gervasi, 40.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Now That Is A Fucking Headline!

via AP wire

Bears Eat Monkey in Front of Zoo Visitors

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - Bears killed and ate a monkey in a Dutch zoo in front of horrified visitors, witnesses and the zoo said Monday. In the incident Sunday at the Beekse Bergen Safari Park, several Sloth bears chased the Barbary macaque into an electric fence, where it was stunned.

It recovered and fled onto a wooden structure, where one bear pursued and mauled it to death.

The park confirmed the killing in a statement, saying: "In an area where Sloth bears, great apes and Barbary macaques have coexisted peacefully for a long time, the harmony was temporarily disturbed during opening hours on Sunday."

"Of course the habitats here in the safari park are arranged in such a way that one animal almost never kills another, but they are and remain wild animals," it said.

Witness Marco Berelds posted a detailed report on the incident, including photos, on a Dutch Web site. He said one Sloth bear tried unsuccessfully to shake the monkey loose after it took refuge on the structure, built of crossing horizontal and vertical poles.

Ignoring attempts by keepers to distract it, the bear climbed onto a horizontal pole, and, standing stretched on two legs, "used its sharp canines to pull the macaque, which was shrieking and resisting, from its perch."

The bear then brought the animal to a concrete den, where three bears ate it.

The zoo said it "usually wasn't possible" for keepers to intervene when an animal killed another.

The park plans now to move the Barbary macaques _ which are large monkeys but often inaccurately called "Barbary Apes" _ to another part of the park, it said.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Somebody Owes Me Some God Damn Money

7-11 is now selling the P'EatZZa Sandwich. Which is, of course, two slices of pizza with lunch meat and lettuce sandwiched between the two unpizza-ey sides of said slices. Anyone who knows me knows that that shit is my thing. It's called the Reverse Pizza Sandwich and it is delicious.

I want money.

Or at least a couple free P'EatZZa Sandwiches. That's just some fucking courtesy, you know.

God that looks fucking tasty. I would destroy your dreams to have it in my mouth right now.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Paris Hilton Continues To Be The Worst Thing In The World

via Associated Press

Hilton Causes Stir at Video Game Expo

LOS ANGELES - Paris Hilton unveiled her new video game on Thursday, but inexplicably called it by the wrong name as she greeted throngs of fans and photographers.

Wearing a green minidress and red platform pumps, Hilton made a brief appearance at the Electronic Entertainment Expo to promote "Paris Hilton's Jewel Jam."

"Sorry I'm late," the heiress said. "I'm really excited to have my new video game, 'Diamondquest.' Thank you all for coming, and you can download the game," she said.

After Hilton arrived, men in business suits jockeyed for space with reporters and computer geeks as she sat at a table posing for photographers while signing autographs.

Her game, which can be played on a cell phone, will be available this summer. Video game maker Gameloft will produce a series of video games with Hilton.

The expo at the Los Angeles Convention Center showcases the latest innovations in the video game industry.


I wish my job was being the guy standing in the background going "Diamondquest? Diamondquest?! It's Jewel Jam you stupid bitch!"

Thursday, May 11, 2006

DOAX2 Video Makes Me Hard

If I were Donkey Kong I would ape rape all of these girls.


Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I Wouldn't Drink This With My Mouth

No sir.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Are You Fucking Kidding Me With This Shit

Madonna stars with six Andalusian stallions in a 58-page photo spread in W magazine's June issue, on newsstands May 19.

What the fuck?! Seriously. 58 fucking pages.