Sunday, August 28, 2005

Ain't My News Fuckin' Cool

In an effort to be even more like Ain't It Cool News I am including a Knowles-like pic of myself at the right. Next step - Eat a donut casserole.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Is There A Word That Means Good & Horrible At The Same Time?


Jessica Alba looks set to star in a big screen version of popular 60's sitcom I Dream Of Jeannie reports Ananova. The Fantastic Four actress is to team with Jimmy Fallon in a remake of the show which originally starred Barbara Eden as a genie alongside astronaut Anthony Nelson played by Larry Hagman. It's understood Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson and Kate Hudson were all considered for the role before producers decided on Alba.

Also, Alba has apparently decided not to join the sequel to Fantastic Four which will see only the original four male actors team up again.


Alba & Fallon in a Genie remake - No!

Simpson & Fallon NOT in a Genie remake - Yes!

Alba avoiding FF sequel like the plague - Yes!

Any reminder that there is going to BE an FF sequel - NO!

Friday, August 19, 2005

Holy Awesome Fucking Sweet

Movie-Time Mash-Map

Input your zip code. Click on map marker for theater. Get movie showtimes.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The AP Wire Comes Through Again

This story is fucking gold! Be sure to read to the bottom for the "in another case" addition.

Woman Gets Cable Bill With Derogatory Name
By Associated Press

CHICAGO - LaChania Govan said she got bounced around by her cable company when she called to complain. She made dozens of calls and was even transferred to a person who spoke Spanish _ a language she doesn't understand.

But when she got her August bill from Comcast she had no trouble understanding she'd made somebody mad. It was addressed to "Bitch Dog."

"I was like you got to be freaking kidding me," said Govan, 25. "I was so mad I couldn't even cuss."

Govan said the only thing she did to Comcast employees that might be considered rude came after a few dozen calls when she felt she was treated shabbily. "I did tell them, 'You know what, it has to be a qualification to work for your company that you have to be rude,'" she said.
Govan said she talked to a supervisor and he offered her two months free service, which she turned down.

Finally Wednesday, about two weeks after she got her bill, somebody from the company left a message on her answering machine in which the caller apologized.

Comcast officials said it shouldn't have happened.

"We only use the actual customers names on the bill," said Patricia Andrews-Keenan, a Comcast spokeswoman.

Company officials went through the records and identified two people who were involved with the name change and fired them, Andrews-Keenan said. It's unknown why the employees did it.

In another case, Peoples Energy customer Jefferoy Barnes started getting letters addressed to "Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes."

"I had no bad words at all. I guess the earliest letter is dated in May and from then on up until now my name has been listed as Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes and I have no idea why."

Barnes said he received an apologetic call from a company official. He also has contacted an attorney to determine if he can take legal action.

A Peoples Energy spokeswoman called the letter inexcusable.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I Understand This Is A Meaningless Fucking Thing, But Seriously - WTF?!


Mickey Mouse, Ronald McDonald don't make cut

The Mascot Hall of Fame has three new members.

The Phoenix Suns Gorilla, the Philadelphia Phillies Phanatic and the San Diego Padres' Famous Chicken were inducted into the inaugural class during a ceremony Tuesday in Philadelphia.

The three were chosen from a list of 14 finalists that included Mickey Mouse, Ronald McDonald and the Denver Nuggets' Rocky.

To be eligible, a mascot must have been in existence for at least 10 years; have a major impact on its sport, industry and community; and have a performance that is consistently memorable and groundbreaking.


The Chicken - absolutely. But The Gorilla and the Phanatic over Mickey and Ronald?! I don't know why I care, but I do. And that is some bullshit.

Only A Total Hollywood Asshole Would Think This Is A Show


22 BIRTHDAYS (CBS, New!) - Writer/producers Josh Oakley & Bill Weinstein ("The Simpsons") are set to team with feature director Doug Liman ("Mr. & Mrs. Smith") for a new drama at the Eye, about the Los Angeles-based power players of the finance, sports, politics and the entertainment industry using the semi-regular birthday parties they attend for their elite private school children as a backdrop. The project, which will be set up at Liman's NBC Universal Television-based Hypnotic banner, has a received a script commitment from the network with a six-figure penalty if it doesn't get ordered to pilot. Oakley, Weinstein, Liman and his producing partner Dave Bartis will serve as the executive producers with Liman directing the pilot from a script by Oakley and Weinstein.


So the premise is a bunch of rich assholes sit around and bs (and probably fuck each others wives in various rooms and closets) during a series of privileged kids birthday parties. Hey assholes, 90% of us didn't even know this was a fucking "thing" let alone a worthwhile TV show idea.


Friday, August 12, 2005

Now This Movie I Will Go See...Very, Very High

Sacha Baron Cohen aka Ali G has joined the cast of Will Ferrell's NASCAR themed comedy Talladega Nights. Sacha will play a French F-1 driver who comes to the United States to dominate hillbilly NASCAR. Will is playing a popular driver who teams with John C. Reilly to form the racing duo "Thunder & Lightning". Michael Clarke Duncan and Gary Cole have also been cast. The film should come out next Summer.

That Sound You Hear Is Me Vomiting On My Shirt And Pants


Murray has cat's eye on Garfield 2

Bill Murray is in negotiations to reprise his role as the voice of Garfield in 20th Century Fox's sequel Garfield 2, while Breckin Meyer and Jennifer Love Hewitt have signed on to return, though Hewitt's role will be greatly reduced because she is filming the upcoming CBS series Ghost Whisperer. Lucy Davis and Billy Connolly also are entering the fat cat's lair. Davis, who recently joined the cast of the indie The TV Set, will play animal lover Abby Westminster, a fashionable professional who has been brought in to try and trap Lord Dargis (Connelly) into revealing his evil plans. She is best known for her role on the U.K. version of The Office. Garfield 2, which will be directed by Tim Hill, is slated for a summer 2006 release. Fox president of production Hutch Parker and vp production Vanessa Morrison will oversee for the studio.


This is horrible. But Lucy, I still want you.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Come Join The Super Team

Hero Machine 2

Friday, August 05, 2005

Japan Removes Final Roadblock Preventing Me From Moving There

Exposed genitalia makes breakthrough on Japan's silver screens

Because He's A Goddamn Hoss, That's Why

While most coaches are content sitting on the sidelines barking at their players, Bill Cowher gets in there and mixes it up.


LATROBE, Pa. – It’s called backs-on-backers, and it’s one of those drills that can be heard as well as seen.

A couple of days into camp, Coach Bill Cowher always conducts a spirited session of backs-on-backers, a drill where a running back is asked to step up and take on a blitzing linebacker.

Some teams run this drill by having the linebackers cover the backs on pass patterns, but the Steelers prefer the more primal head-banging version. And as if the drill needed any more spice, Cowher always plays the role of the quarterback, which kind of exposes him to the blitzing linebackers. Last year, Joey Porter knocked Cowher off his feet; this year Cowher didn’t hit the ground, but that’s not to say there was no contact.

"All those guys like to get the quarterback who runs that drill," said Cowher. "It’s an opportunity for them. They’re enticed by that."

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Joss Whedon, I'm Begging You

Cast Morena Baccarin as Wonder Woman. You know her. You love her. She can do the part. She wants to do it. She was born in Brazil. Brazil! HELLO! You don't need a "known" commodity. You know this. The studio needs to trust you. Christopher Reeve was a nobody when he donned the Supertights.

Look at her:

Listen to her: Morena Baccarin speaks to IESB - Click Here

And while you're at it, Monica Bellucci as Circe would make one hell of a villain. Just saying...

Best Rumor I've Heard This Year

from tvguideonline

Question: Now that Henry Winkler is starring in the new fall sitcom Out of Practice on CBS, does this mean that we can no longer expect to see his hilarious lawyer character on Arrested Development? - Amy

Ausiello: Sadly, that's what it means, Amy. But don't underestimate series creator Mitch Hurwitz's ability to turn a tragic loss into the casting coup of the century. According to my colleague Bruce Fretts, Hurwitz is pursuing (gulp) Ricky Gervais to take over as the Bluth family's lead attorney. Talk about a match made in TV heaven!


If this happens I will do the Happy Jig. America's best live action comedy featuring England's best live action comedy star. Too perfect. The fact that Ricky is also doing work on The Simpsons this season, well I may just develope some sort of weird TV-based diabetes.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Michael Bay, You Fucking Idiot

from IMDb

Johansson Shocks Bay with Naked Request

Director Michael Bay was horrified when actress Scarlett Johansson insisted on going topless for a love scene in new movie The Island - because the romance is rated PG-13. The 20-year-old beauty called Bay to her trailer and angrily refused to wear an unflattering black bra for her love scene with co-star Ewan McGregor. But Bay had difficulty persuading Johansson not to do the scene naked. He tells movie magazine Empire, "You know the situation - the famous director gets called to the actor's trailer before she does the love scene. I'm like, here we go. I'm ready to do Ewan and Scarlett's love scene. I'm like, 'Oh my God, she's not going to come out.' She says, 'I'm not fucking wearing this cheap-ass black bra, okay? I'm going naked.' I'm like, 'Scarlett, you can't go naked. It's a PG-13.' Classic story, She's feisty, I must say."


The Island cost $122,200,000 to make. It has currently grossed $24,000,000 and its take fell significantly in its second week. So Mr. Bay, I think you have to ask yourself something. Are you retarded? I was willing to give you a pass on Pearl Harbor. But come on man. Do you believe you made more money on kids under 17 by keeping the rating, than you would have if Scarlett Johansson's amazing breasts did what they do best - make me hot? Are you the fucking reason Scarlett is not topless in The Island? She was down, but you said no. You are so retarded. I hate you very much.

Scarlett, if you read this, you can be topless in my movie. It's about ninjas who have day jobs at the mall.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Sure It Took 17 Years, But Soooo Worth It!

The details of Richard Dean Anderson's upcoming Simpsons appearance have been revealed. Anderson will play himself in an episode titled "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bangalore," in which he is kidnapped by Patty and Selma while visiting Springfield.

That is fucking sweet.