Monday, July 31, 2006

No Fucking Shit. Really?

from the AP

91-Year -Old Man Unsucessful At Shooing 20,000 Wasps With Brush

BERLIN - A German beekeeper attracted more than 20,000 wasps into his home when he brought his honeycombs indoors, but managed to escape injury, police said Sunday.

Police in the central city of Hildesheim said they were alerted to the 91-year-old man's predicament on Saturday afternoon by an observant neighbor.

The man had tried unsuccessfully to swat the insects toward the open window of his living room with a brush. Police called in a pest controller to deal with the swarm.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Baseball Team Adds New Racially Offensive Character To The Mix

Via AP Wire

Brewers Add Chorizo to Sausage Race

MILWAUKEE - It could have been wurst. On his first outing as the newest sausage at Miller Park, chorizo didn't fall on his buns.

Wearing an oversized brown sombrero and a bright yellow shirt emblazoned with the No. 5, Chorizo became the fifth pork product to join the famed sausage races at every Milwaukee Brewers home game.

He signed a contract with Brewers general manager Doug Melvin at a news conference at the stadium and then trotted around the bases.

Chorizo, also known as "El Picante," will race for the first time on Saturday against the other sausages _ Italian, bratwurst, Polish and hot dog. But that'll be the only time this year he runs in the Klement's Sausage races, which have taken place every home game since 2000.

Chorizo will be put through the grind in the minor league, so he can get some extra seasoning before rejoining the other sausages next season, Melvin said.

Chorizo said through an interpreter his dream has come true.

"I am very humbled to be in the presence of so many world-class wieners, but hopefully I can bring a little something new to the table, and Brewers fans will welcome me into their hearts and grills," Chorizo said in a statement that was read in both English and Spanish.

From left to right: Hot Dog, Italian, Polish and Bratwurst...

... and here's Chorizo!

Holy fuck.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Lance, We Knew Buddy. We Saw On The Line. It's Cool.

via AP

Lance Bass of `N Sync Reveals He's Gay

NEW YORK - Lance Bass, band member of 'N Sync, says he's gay and in a "very stable" relationship with a reality show star. Bass, who formed 'N Sync with Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick, tells People magazine that he didn't earlier disclose his sexuality because he didn't want to affect the group's popularity.

"I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys' careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay), it would overpower everything," he tells the magazine.

'N Sync is known for a string of hits including "Bye Bye Bye" and "It's Gonna Be Me." The band went on hiatus in 2002. Bass has also found headlines for undertaking astronaut training and failing to raise money for a trip into space.

Bass says he wondered if his coming out could prompt "the end of 'N Sync." He explains, "So I had that weight on me of like, `Wow, if I ever let anyone know, it's bad.' So I just never did."

The singer says he's in a "very stable" relationship with 32-year-old actor Reichen Lehmkuhl, winner of season four of CBS' "Amazing Race."

Bass and Fatone, 29, are developing a sitcom pilot inspired by the screwball comedy "The Odd Couple," in which his character will be gay.

"The thing is, I'm not ashamed _ that's the one thing I went to say," Bass says. "I don't think it's wrong, I'm not devastated going through this. I'm more liberated and happy than I've been my whole life. I'm just happy."


Speaking of "Lance," here is his hunky bf. That thing looks dangerous!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Super Nerd Bites Robotic Hand That Fed Him

This so going to be another Paris/Lindsay.

via AP wire

'Jeopardy' Champ Ken Jennings Blasts Show

NEW YORK - "Jeopardy!" ace Ken Jennings, who won $2.5 million during his 74-game winning streak, has a few unkind words to say about the show _ and dapper host Alex Trebek.

"I know, I know, the old folks love him," Jennings writes in a recent posting, titled "Dear Jeopardy!" on his Web site.

"Nobody knows he died in that fiery truck crash a few years back and was immediately replaced with the Trebektron 4000 (I see your engineers still can't get the mustache right, by the way)."

Jennings also takes aim at the show's "effete, left-coast" categories and "same-old" format.

"You're like the Dorian Gray of syndication," he says. "You seem to think `change' means replacing a blue polyethylene backdrop with a slightly different shade of blue polyethylene backdrop every presidential election or so."

A call by The Associated Press to "Jeopardy!" spokesman Jeff Ritter was not immediately returned Tuesday.

Jennings, a software engineer from Salt Lake City, snagged 74 wins on "Jeopardy!" in 2004 before he was beaten by challenger Nancy Zerg.

Trebek, 66, has hosted the show since 1984. In a "correction" posted Monday on his Web site, Jennings offers an apology of sorts.

"We regret the insinuation that Mr. Alex Trebek is a robot, and has been since 2004. Mr. Trebek's robotic frame does still contain some organic parts, many harvested from patriotic Canadian schoolchildren, so this technically makes him a 'cyborg,' not a 'robot.'"

On the Net:

Friday, July 21, 2006

Bum Fuck Indiana Town Never Heard Of Scavenger Hunt

AP wire

Letter Rs Stolen From Ind. Signs Returned

REENCASTLE, Ind. - Dozens of letter Rs swiped last weekend from several businesses' signs were returned in an R-filled box left outside the Greencastle Police Department.

An officer found the box Thursday on the department's front step, said Police Chief Tom Sutherland.

Sutherland said officers don't know why the letters were taken from the signs of several businesses and the marquee of a National Guard post. Officers plan to dust the box and the letters for fingerprints before returning the Rs to their owners.

The weekend caper targeted signs at gas stations, restaurants, repair shops and medical offices in the city of 10,000 people about 40 miles west of Indianapolis.

"It's very strange," said Greencastle resident Jessi Boller.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Holy Fuck! This Makes That Egg Shit Look Classy.

via AP wire

US Airways to Place Ads on Sickness Bags

PHOENIX - US Airways wants to make the most out of a nauseating situation. The Tempe, Ariz.-based airline plans to sell advertisements on its air-sickness bags _ those pint-sized expandable envelopes tucked between the in-flight magazines and safety cards.

"They're in every back seat pocket," said spokesman Phil Gee. "We figure while it's there, why don't we make it multipurpose?"

Passengers should see the new, commercialized sickness bags in September, he said.

The ads are just the latest initiative the company has used to squeeze out a bigger profit.

America West, which merged with US Airways last year, had the first advertisements in the industry on tray tables, the first airline gift cards and the first in-flight meals for sale.

"Little things like that work," said Michael Boyd, president of the Boyd Group, an aviation consulting group in Evergreen, Colo. "Barf bags have a lot of shelf life _ people aren't barfing as much in planes as they used to."

The new bags drew a few chuckles among US Airways passengers at the company's hub at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport.

"I would honestly pay no attention to an ad if I got sick," said Nathan Vierra, 19, a student. "But hey, if skateboarders can sell ad space on their T-shirts, I guess why can't an airline sell ads on barf bags?"

US Airways has not decided how much it will charge for the ads, and has only begun negotiating with companies that could be interested, Gee said.

The ads could be for anti-motion sickness medications or other products immediately on the mind of someone who reaches for one of the bags. But Gee said US Airways will look for a wide range of product advertisements to put on its bags.

Boyd said the trick for US Airways is to find ads that will make them a little cash without turning off customers.

"Some people don't want the inside of their cabins to look like subway cars," he said. "And the jury isn't in on advertising on tray tables as a decent way to boost revenue.

"But having an advertisement for a barf bag, especially if it's for something like Dramamine, now that's brilliant."

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Even The Devil Is Like "WTF?!" With This One

Saw this on IMDb. Wow...

No Cracks: CBS Enlists Eggs In Promo Campaign

Hoping to score a little eggstra publicity, CBS has signed a deal with Deerfield, IL-based EggFusion that will put the CBS eye logo and a blurb for its new shows on the shells of eggs sold in grocery stores. EggFusion uses lasers to print sell-by dates and other "On-Egg Messaging" on the eggs. Those for CBS will carry such ads as "CSI: Crack the Case on CBS" and "The Class, New Grade-A CBS Comedy." They are expected to begin showing up in time for the September launch of the new season.

Friday, July 14, 2006

T.O. Continues To Prove He Is A Big Shitty Waste Of My Time

Owens says he was misquoted in autobiography

This headline almost put me in a logic coma.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Ass Face Frat Boys Soon To Be Able To Text You Their Farts

via AP

Japanese Gadget Records, Replicates Odor

TOKYO - People stopping to smell the roses can now take that sweet floral fragrance home with them or even send it to a faraway grandmother thanks to a new gadget in Japan that records and replicates the world's odors.

The new device, developed by scientists at the Tokyo Institute of Technology, analyzes smells through 15 sensors, records the odor's recipe in digital format and then reproduces the scent by mixing 96 chemicals and vaporizing the result.

Creator Takamichi Nakamoto says the technology will have applications in food and fragrance industries where companies want to replicate odors. But it could also be a boon for the digital world, allowing smells can be recorded in one place _ by sensors in a mobile phone, for instance _ and transmitted to appreciative noses halfway around the world.

It could also aid online shoppers by letting people check out perfumes or flowers before they buy.

"The sensitivity of the human nose is very good," Nakamoto said. "But to some extent we can replicate the performance."

Nakamoto says his machine, in the works since 1999, is the most advance of its kind in the world, though a similar project is also underway at Keio University, also in Japan.

But so far, the machine is too big to be portable _ it measures about the 1 meter by 3 feet by 2 feet.

Still, the breakthrough follows on the heels of a Japanese smellovision project that synchronized smells to movie scenes. That odorous endeveor was undertaken by NTT Communications Corp. and emitted smells from under seats in two movie theaters to accompany parts of the film "The New World," a Hollywood adventure film.

Nakamoto's smell recorder has successfully recreated a range of fruit smells, including oranges, apples, bananas and lemons, but can be reprogrammed to produce almost any odor _ from old fish to gasoline, he said.

Making the 15 sensor chips, which pick up aromas and convert them to a digital formula, was the hardest part, Nakamoto added.

But the unit's large size is also limitation because the 96 odor-forming chemicals are contained in separate glass bottles. A more compact version, which includes only the sensors, can record smells but must be hooked up to the blender to regenerate them.

"We also want extend the range of smells, and then we can think about commercializing the system," Nakamoto said.

Nakamoto's team of 12 scientists have been collaborating with a Japanese perfume company that produces the raw ingredients for fragrances and with electronics companies interested in the sensor chip technology.