Friday, June 30, 2006

So Balls

Teaser trailer now up.


Today Only! I'm Your Helping Of Comedy!

The photos Scott Taylor took of me eating way too many free Wendy's Jr. Frostys last year have made their way to the front page of Zug today. Take that middle school guidance counselor!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Superman Returns Is Really Fucking Good

I will not discuss this film until after the holiday weekend. Just go fucking see it. Amazing. This is Superman III. Superman III and IV are some Elseworlds bullshit. This is now Superman III and it is really, really good. Trust me. Who told you Sin City and Batman Begins were awesome and The Fantastic Four was a bunch of someone else's shit in your mouth and hair? This guy!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I Get It. I'm A Big, Fat Beef Eater.

Please stop e-mailing me about the $100 FrankenBurger cobbled together from three types of cow. I get it. It's a big yummy meat-gasim in my mouth. I want it's juicy goodness to fill me up right. Let's move on people.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

How Am I Addicted To This?

I blame Betsy. Now I don't sleep.

eLouai's Candybar Doll Maker 2

Thursday, June 08, 2006

She... HIT... A Woman. With A... Dead PUPPY!

And that isn't even the craziest shit.

Karen: Do not read this.

Everyone else: This is horrible and yet. Yet... I can't not chuckle at the visual, a little bit. Not the act. The act is terrible. Definitely. But yet...

Reeeead this.

via AP

Police: Woman Hits Breeder With Chihuahua

ST. PETERS, Mo. - A woman angry that her new puppy had died pushed her way into a dog breeder's home and repeatedly hit her on the head with the dead Chihuahua, authorities said.

The 33-year-old woman told police she had taken the puppy to a veterinarian, who said it was only 4 weeks old and needed to be returned to its mother. But before she could return the puppy, it died.

Early Wednesday, the woman went to the breeder's home, pushed her way inside and began fighting with the breeder as she tried to make her way to the basement to get another puppy, police said.

The breeder wrestled the woman out of her house to the front porch, where the woman then hit the breeder over the head numerous times with the dead puppy, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported, citing police.

As the woman drove away, she waved the dead puppy out of the car's sunroof and yelled threats at the breeder, police said. She later called the breeder and threatened her and her family, according to court records.

Police said they are considering felony burglary charges and misdemeanor assault charges.


Out of the fucking sunroof...

That shit is bananas.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

I Am A Whore For That Sweet, Sweet Adult Swim Crack

Dear Adult Swim,

I hated you when you put on Saved By The Bell. Not because it was not a cartoon. I'm fine with that within the confines of Adult Swim. But it showed such short sighted pop culturism, as opposed to the long-term gold which you usually mine, that I was disgusted. Then you did this. I love you again. Fucking well done.


via ap

Network to Rerun 'Pee-Wee's Playhouse'

LOS ANGELES - After being shuttered for more than 15 years, the doors to "Pee-wee's Playhouse" are being reopened. The Emmy Award-winning show will get new life on the Cartoon Network's Adult Swim lineup, which will air all 45 original episodes beginning July 10, company officials announced Monday.

"I'd say this is a dream come true," actor Paul Reubens said in a statement.

Reubens, 53, created the bow-tie wearing character in 1978 as a member of the L.A.-based comedy troupe, the Groundlings. Known for his big laugh and small suit, Pee-wee gained worldwide fame in 1985 as the star of his own movie, "Pee-wee's Big Adventure," directed by Tim Burton.

The film's success led to "Pee-wee's Playhouse," which originally aired Saturday mornings on CBS beginning in 1986.

In 1991, a year after production wrapped on the final season of "Playhouse," Reubens was arrested in Florida for indecent exposure.

Reubens returned to the big screen with an acclaimed performance in 2001's "Blow."

Here's Some Tennis News We Can All Enjoy!

Nicole Vaidisova pulled off her second successive upset Tuesday at the French Open, beating Venus Williams 6-7 (5), 6-1, 6-3 to earn her first Grand Slam semifinal berth.

The score was remarkably similar to the 17-year-old Vaidisova's previous match, when she stunned top-ranked Amelie Mauresmo 6-7 (5), 6-1, 6-2.

Oh. Here's a picture.

God damn! Why was I not told about tennis sooner?

Sunday, June 04, 2006

There Was Actually A Snake On A Motherfuckin' Plane

How fucking perfect is that. Just when you forgot about Snakes On A Plane - bam!

via the AP

Pilot Finds Snake Stowaway Inside Cockpit

CHARLESTON, W.Va. - Monty Coles was 3,000 feet in the air when he discovered a stowaway peeking out at him from the plane's instrument panel: a 4 1/2-foot snake.

Coles was taking a leisurely flight over the West Virginia countryside in his Piper Cherokee last weekend and was preparing to land in Ohio when the snake revealed itself.

"Nothing in any of the manuals ever described anything like this," said the 62-year-old Cross Lanes resident.

But advice given 25 years earlier from his flight instructor sprung to mind: "No matter what happens, fly the plane."

Coles attempted to swat the snake but it fell to the pilot's feet, then darted to the other side of the cockpit.

While maintaining control of the single-engine plane with one hand, Coles grabbed the reptile behind its head with his other.

"There was no way I was letting that thing go," he said. "It coiled all around my arm, and its tail grabbed hold of a lever on the floor and started pulling."

The next step was to radio for emergency landing clearance.

"They came back and asked what my problem was," he said. "I told them I had one hand full of snake and the other hand full of plane. They cleared me in."

After a smooth landing, Coles posed for pictures with the snake, then let it loose.

"That snake resides in Ohio now," he said.