Congratulations Douche Bag, I Hope You Make $4

from IMDb

Aniston's Teenage Sweetheart Sells Love Secrets Online

Jennifer Aniston's childhood sweetheart is selling romantic mementoes of their relationship on internet auction site eBay. Dubbed "precious High School Romance Memorabilia" the sale promises a love letter and a makeshift birthday card Aniston gave to the man, only referred to as Michael, in 1984. A press release promoting the sale - which begins next week boasts, "The materials date to the summer of 1984 - when Jennifer was 15 and attending the 'Fame' school (New York's High School of Performing Arts). Jennifer had a summer romance with Michael, a 16-year-old. Their summer passion turned into a long-time friendship until they lost contact in 1991, when Jennifer's career began to soar." The items on offer are: "A piece of paper that Jennifer wrote her name and phone number on, the night that she and Michael first hooked up at a Park Avenue Penthouse party - written by Jen in her own Lipstick! A Love Letter from Jennifer, hand written in red pen - An intimate and endearing look into a young (Aniston's) heart. Birthday wishes from Jen to Michael on his 17th birthday - written on toilet paper from Michael's house (she felt badly about not buying him a birthday card, so she promptly ran to his bathroom to create one!)."

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I'm not a particularly big Jennifer Aniston fan, but this is seriously one of the slimiest fucking things I have seen in a long time. I hope you die a lonely, broken man Michael. And when you do, I hope someone sells your eyes and hair on eBay.