The Incredible Huh?!

Frankie

2008-05-12T14:29:00.000-07:00

One Step Closer To Playboy... :D

2007-11-01T12:46:00.000-07:00

via AP wire

Hingis Accused of Positive Cocaine Test

Martina Hingis said Thursday she has been accused of testing positive for cocaine at Wimbledon, and then announced her retirement from professional tennis.

Hingis, a five-time Grand Slam champion and former Wimbledon winner, denied using cocaine.

"I find this accusation so horrendous, so monstrous that I've decided to confront it head on by talking to the press," she said. "I am frustrated and angry. I believe that I am absolutely 100 percent innocent."

Her voice broke as she fought back tears in reading the statement. At the end, she took no questions and left the news conference.

The 27-year-old Swiss player lost in the third round at Wimbledon to Laura Granville, 6-4, 6-2.

Hingis said the positive test, which could lead to a doping suspension of up to two years, led to her retirement because she doesn't want to spend years fighting the case.

Mario Widmer, Hingis' manager, said he did not know why she waited until now to make the announcement.

Hingis returned to the sport two years ago after a four-year absence because of injuries.

She won three straight Australian Open titles from 1997-99, and Wimbledon and the U.S. Open championships in 1997. She came within one match of winning the Grand Slam in 1997, losing only in the French Open final.

On March 31, 1997, Hingis became the youngest female player ever to lead the world rankings. She was 16 years, 6 months and 1 day at the time. She is currently ranked No. 19.

Hingis, who lost in the third round of the U.S. Open, hasn't played since her second-round loss to Peng Shuai of China, 7-5, 6-1, in Beijing on Sept. 19.

Former top-ranked player Mats Wilander and Karel Novacek had positive tests for cocaine at the 1995 French Open. Both were banned for three months and ordered to return prize money and forfeit rankings points.

Others have tested positive for a variety of banned substances.

Hingis said she was accused by "an outsource testing company" of taking cocaine during Wimbledon. She said she was "shocked and appalled" when notified that her urine sample came back positive after the loss to Granville.

"They say that cocaine increases self-confidence and creates a type of euphoria," she said in a statement. "I don't know. I only know that if I were to try to hit the ball while in any state of euphoria, it simply wouldn't work.

"I would think that it would be impossible for anyone to maintain the coordination required to play top class tennis while under the influence of drugs. And I know one other thing _ I would personally be terrified of taking drugs."

Hingis said she later underwent a privately arranged hair test which came back negative for cocaine. The official backup "B" sample test on her Wimbledon urine sample, however, tested positive for the drug.

Hingis said she hired an attorney who found "various inconsistencies" with the urine sample taken during Wimbledon.

"He is also convinced that the doping officials mishandled the process and would not be able to prove that the urine that was tested for cocaine actually came from me," she said.

Hingis said it could take years to fight her case.

"I have no desire to spend the next several years of my life reduced to fighting against the doping officials," she said. "The fact is that it is more and more difficult for me, physically, to keep playing at the top of the game.

"And frankly, accusations such as these don't exactly provide me with motivation to even make another attempt to do so."

Widmer said the test was on June 29 but that Hingis heard about the positive result in mid-September and the positive 'B' sample two or three weeks later.

"She has great angst over this," Widmer said. "She is heartbroken. ... It's crazy. It's very complicated and complex."

WTA Tour chief executive Larry Scott said the tour had not received any official information about a positive test and "as a result we are not in a position to comment on the matter."

"However, it is important to remember that in the area of anti-doping, all players are presumed innocent until proven otherwise," Scott said.

Referring to her retirement, he said, "Martina Hingis is a tremendous champion and a fan favorite the world over. In her most recent comeback, she proved again that she can perform at the very highest levels of the game."

The national association Swiss Tennis issued a statement praising Hingis.

"With Martina a great player is retiring, who was always an example and a figurehead for tennis in Switzerland," association president Rene Stammbach said in the statement. "We deeply regret that Martina Hingis ended her outstanding career under the circumstances of such accusations."

PWNED!

2007-10-03T15:54:00.000-07:00

via NY Post

Mom poses as male teen online to catch daughter

A 13-year-old Alabama girl received a message from a 17-year-old boy over the social site Bebo. She had made the Bebo profile without parental permission and lied on the profile saying she was 16.

They had brief Internet conversations and after he sent her a photo of his body, Jasmine agreed to tell him more information no young girl should tell a stranger.

Except the 17-year-old boy was actually the girl’s mom, and mom has a mean streak in her.

As it turned out, Jasmine’s interest in her unseen friend soured when he said he knew her age and what she did on Tuesday nights. She stopped all communication when he told her he knew where she lived.

“I completely deleted my page,” Jasmine says. “I was scared.”

Lesson learned.

Pam Anderson Takes Her Whore Status To Crazy New Plateau

2007-10-01T09:11:00.000-07:00

via World Entertainment News Network

Anderson & Salomon Obtain Marriage License

Actress Pamela Anderson and poker player Rick Salomon successfully applied for a marriage license in Las Vegas on Saturday, according to reports. The Baywatch beauty and Salomon have never officially announced they are an item. But in a recent interview with talk show host Ellen DeGeneres, Anderson revealed she had fallen in love with a poker player who offered to pay off her $250,000 gambling debt for a night of sex. Anderson refused to name names, but candidly told DeGeneres that she eventually succumbed to the rich fan's offer, explaining, "It worked out, I liked it... I paid off a poker debt with sexual favors and fell in love. It's so romantic." Mother-of-two Anderson has been married twice before, to Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee and Kid Rock, while Salomon is best known for "starring" alongside Paris Hilton in her infamous sex tape.

San Jose About To Be Worse Than Anywhere Fucking Ever

2007-09-26T11:28:00.000-07:00

via Associated Press

Toilet to Tap? San Jose Probes Plan

SAN JOSE, Calif. - With water shortages a possibility looming in the state's future, this city's starting to look at what it would take to turn sewage back into water that's pure enough to drink.

"This is a homegrown resource. It is the most reliable supply you can have," said Eric Rosenblum, division manager for San Jose's South Bay Water Recycling Project.

The Santa Clara Valley Water District and the city of San Jose are partnering in initial discussions of the potentially controversial idea.

If they can get the public to support the plan, millions of gallons of purified waste water could one day be pumped back into the aquifers the county now relies on for half of its drinking water. The other half comes from the Sacramento-San Joaquin River delta.

Officials noted that technology exists to treat sewage water using methods such as reverse osmosis, microfiltration and ultraviolet light, and render it pure enough to meet California drinking water standards. But they also explained the idea is still in its initial phase, and a final, detailed proposal isn't expected until next year.

Some water districts in the state have already moved ahead with similar projects.

The Orange County Water District will inaugurate in November a plant that will recycle up to 70 million gallons of waste water a day, then use it to recharge drinking water aquifers.

But in some areas where the process was proposed the plans were derided as sending water from "toilet to tap" and the public wasn't interested.

"What we don't want to end up with is what's happened in other areas where you have fear and politics cause a backlash," said Keith Whitman, water supply manager for the Santa Clara Valley Water District, promising to take a cautious approach.

Worst Crook Ever

2007-09-11T16:34:00.000-07:00

via Associated Press

Bank Robber Uses Own Check in Robbery

ENGLEWOOD, Colo. - A note demanding money from a bank teller was written on a check that authorities said belonged to the suspect. Forest Kelly Bissonnette, 27, apparently scratched his name off one of his own checks, then used that check to write a note used in a bank robbery Sept. 5, according to authorities.

"We could still make it out even though he blacked it out," said Rene VonderHaar, FBI special agent.

Bissonnette remained in federal custody Tuesday after turning himself in on Friday.

Nearly $5,000 was taken during the robbery at the Bank of the West in Englewood.

Just When You Thought High School Musical Couldn't Get More Popular

2007-09-07T08:55:00.001-07:00

via Associated Press

"High School Musical" Star Nude Online

NEW YORK - Vanessa Hudgens' representative has confirmed that a nude photo circulating on the Internet is indeed the 18-year-old star of Disney Channel's wildly popular "High School Musical" series.

"This was a photo which was taken privately," a statement from Hudgens spokesman said, according to MSNBC.com. "It is a personal matter and it is unfortunate that this has become public."

The photo shows the 18-year-old actress standing naked in what appears to be a bathroom, with a red shower curtain behind her.

There was no immediate comment Friday from officials at the Walt Disney Co.

Hudgens portrayed Gabriella, the brainy love interest of Zac Efron's basketball star in the first two "High School Musical" movies. The two are said to be dating in real life.

"High School Musical 2" attracted more than 17 million viewers for its Disney Channel premiere in August, the most-watched television program of the summer. A feature film "High School Musical 3" is planned.

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Perez Hilton has the photo goodness on his page. You know you want to see it perv.

Who Do I Need To Fuck, Suck, Or Get Stoned To Be In These Studies?

2007-08-01T08:39:00.000-07:00

Why People Have Sex: It Feels Good

1 Joint Equals Up to 5 Cigarettes

I've Already Masterbated To This Story Twice

2007-07-31T16:02:00.000-07:00

via starpulse.com

Scarlett Johansson Picked To Play Jenna Jameson

Hollywood beauty Scarlett Johansson has landed the lead role in the x-rated biopic of the world's biggest porn star. The 22-year-old was personally picked by Jenna Jameson to chart her transformation from ballet dancer to stripper, before making it big in the adult film industry.

Jameson says of her casting, "I tapped up Scarlett for the part and I'm very excited about the film.

"It was my decision not to play the role because I've lived that tale already and anyone can play themselves."

The movie will be based on Jameson's bestselling autobiography, How To Make Love Like A Porn Star.

Still Not Fast Enough To Feed My Porn Lust

2007-07-18T11:01:00.000-07:00

via AP wire

Swedish Woman, 75, Gets Superfast Net

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - She is a latecomer to the information superhighway, but 75-year-old Sigbritt Lothberg is now cruising the Internet with a dizzying speed.

Lothberg's 40 gigabits-per-second fiber-optic connection in Karlstad is believed to be the fastest residential uplink in the world, Karlstad city officials said.

In less than 2 seconds, Lothberg can download a full-length movie on her home computer _ many thousand times faster than most residential connections, said Hafsteinn Jonsson, head of the Karlstad city network unit.

Jonsson and Lothberg's son, Peter, worked together to install the connection.

The speed is reached using a new modulation technique that allows the sending of data between two routers placed up to 1,240 miles apart, without any transponders in between, Jonsson said.

"We wanted to show that that there are no limitations to Internet speed," he said.

Peter Lothberg, who is a networking expert, said he wanted to demonstrate the new technology while providing a computer link for his mother.

"She's a brand new Internet user," Lothberg said by phone from California, where he lives. "She didn't even have a computer before."

His mother isn't exactly making the most of her high-speed connection. She only uses it to read Web-based newspapers.

I Now Know What My Hell Will Be

2007-06-05T09:06:00.000-07:00

via Associated Press

1,683 Guitarists Play 'Smoke on Water'

KANSAS CITY, Kansas - More than 1,680 guitar players turned out, tuned up and took part in what organizers say was a world record rendition of Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water" _ a song that was the first many of them ever learned.

Some came from as far away as California and Germany on Sunday to take part in a Kansas City radio station's effort to break a Guinness world record for the most people playing the same song simultaneously. The record had been 1,323 people playing the same song in Vancouver, British Columbia, in 1994.

"It was cool to see little kids playing, people who had been playing for their whole lives, like older people, and then I'm sure there were people like me who just picked up the song a couple days before," said Autumn McPherson, of Winfield, a senior at the University of Kansas.

Preliminary numbers show 1,683 people played the popular early '70s guitar riff on Sunday at CommunityAmerica Ballpark.

"I thought it was going to be kind of cheesy," said Hannah Koch, of Prairie Village, who came clad in an elf costume. "But after I got here, I got caught up in the excitement of it."

Tanna Guthrie, a morning show host for KYYS (99.7 FM), came up with the idea for the record attempt. She said her station will send participant sign-up lists, photos, videos and copies of media coverage to Guinness seeking official recognition of a record.

Guthrie said she chose "Smoke on the Water," a track off Deep Purple's "Machine Head" album, because it's one of the first songs many guitarists learn.

"You never know if you can pull something like this off," she said.

One of the participants, John Cardona of Hanford, California, said he brought felt-tip pens so he could get others to sign his guitar.

"It was the guitar I learned on," the 41-year-old said. "It was very dispensable on the way here, but very valuable to me now."

British Ass Douche Tries To Prove A Point

2007-05-30T14:26:00.000-07:00

But honestly, this guy is just an attention whore who needs to go fuck himself.

via AP

Man eats corgi in royal protest

LONDON - A British performance artist has eaten part of a corgi _ the breed of dog that is the favorite pet of Queen Elizabeth II _ to protest the alleged mistreatment of animals by the royal family.

Mark McGowan set up a table on a London street Tuesday and dined on what he said was the meat from a corgi in hopes of drawing attention to media reports that Prince Philip, the queen's husband, had beaten a fox to death during a hunt.

McGowan's protest was broadcast on a live radio program.

"We love our animals in Britain," McGowan told AP Television News. "Why is it then that we then allow people _ especially people who are supposed to be ambassadors for this country _ to treat animals with such disrespect?"

Buckingham Palace declined to comment, and Britain's top animal-protection charity said there was no evidence to support the claim that Prince Philip abused the fox.

To make the corgi more palatable, it was mixed with apple, onion and seasoning, turned into meat balls, and served with salad.

McGowan said the corgi he consumed had died recently at a breeding farm and had not been killed for the purposes of the protest. He did not say how the dog had died.

"I ate three lumps of it. But I spat two of them out, so I really ate one and a half of them," McGowan said.

The queen has several corgis, and they have the run of Buckingham Palace _ even in the middle of formal state events.

Here's My 2007 NFL Mock Draft. Yes I Have A Girlfriend.

2007-04-27T10:51:00.000-07:00

Here's how I think Saturday's first round will go. Please note, while I think there will be trades, I kept the current draft order intact for simplicity's sake.

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1. Oakland: JaMarcus Russell, QB, LSU
Unless the Raiders acquire Dante Culpepper sometime before they hand in their card, this pick is going to be JaMarcus Russell and not Calvin Johnson. I do think some consideration will go into drafting Johnson and then snagging local product Stanford QB Trent Edwards in Round 2 or 3. But it’s hard to pass on a guy who can throw almost the full length of the field, especially when you’re Al Davis.

2. Detroit: Calvin Johnson, WR, Georgia Tech
Matt Millen is not a great draft guy. He finds ways to mess things up. There are so many ways to not mess this up. You can spend the weeks leading up to this point salivating in the media about Calvin Johnson, the absolute best player in this year’s draft, dismissing your history of drafting back-to-back-to-back first round WRs and coming away with just one viable player. Convince Tampa to bite and move up, giving you the #4 and additional picks. Then convince Arizona that you love Wisconsin tackle Joe Thomas and make them move up to #4 to get him, swapping picks and adding more draft choices to your back pocket. With Oklahoma runner Adrian Peterson’s injury issues likely keeping him out of Cleveland’s plans at #3, there may even be an eager buyer for the #5 slot, though I think at that point you stay, and grab Clemson DE Gaines Adams, whose value is good at that spot, but would have been a reach up at #2. OR, you trade with Atlanta, who love local kid Johnson, and drop down to snag a guy like Mississippi LB Patrick Willis. Or, you draft Johnson and then make Tampa or Atlanta sweat and see what kind of value offer they make you post pick. Or, simply keep Johnson and watch Mike Martz turn him and Roy Williams lose all over the NFL. Anything else should be considered another Millen draft failure.

3. Cleveland: Brady Quinn, QB, Notre Dame
I really think Adrian Peterson is the best pick here, but there is talk that his collarbone is not 100% and could need surgery delaying his ability to be available for training camp. While Jamal Lewis isn’t the long term answer here, he is a good stopgap, and there are other good runners to be had later in the draft. The Browns need to make an impact picking at #3, and an injured running back won’t cut it. Quinn is the real deal, an Ohio native, and could be the Browns starter by mid-season.

4. Tampa Bay: Joe Thomas, OT, Wisconsin
Tampa needs lots of help in lots of places. They really like Calvin Johnson, but barring any draft deals, I think this is where they go. They could look defense with a guy like Adams or Louisville DT Amobi Okoye, but their O-line play was not good last year, and its best player, Sean Mahan, left in free agency. Whoever ends up starting at QB for the Bucs next year is going to need some time to throw without worrying about suffering the kind of injury that left Chris Simms spleen in a med waste bag last season.

5. Arizona: Adrian Peterson, RB, Oklahoma
Joe Thomas would have been a great fit here, though word is Arizona was less than impressed with his workouts and may have their eye on moving down for Penn State OT Levi Brown. But I think if they stay, this may be where they go. Coach Whisenhunt learned in Pittsburgh that you don’t need a first round running back to be successful (i.e. undrafted star Willie Parker) but the chance to combine Peterson with veteran running back Edgerrin James will be too much for him to resist, with Edge filling the Jerome Bettis role perfectly in his offensive scheme. The key will be what the Cardinals medical staff thinks about Peterson’s twice injured collarbone.

6. Washington: Amobi Okoye, DT, Louisville
Word is the Redskins would like to shop the pick, since this is it for them on Day 1, but if Peterson goes above there won’t be anyone left that teams would want to come up for this high. While Gaines Adams may be a better player right now, Okoye would be the much better fit in Washington’s system. Plus as a 19 year old with 4 full years of college playing experience under his belt, his potential is staggering.

7. Minnesota: LaRon Landry, S, LSU
Minnesota needs help on both sides of the ball, including WR and RB, but there isn’t value at this pick at those positions. But as good as the Vikings run defense was last year, their secondary was just that bad. LaRon Landry is arguably a top 5 talent in this draft and would be an excellent addition to Minnesota’s developing Cover 2.

8. Atlanta (from Houston): Gaines Adams, DE, Clemson
This team would love to move up to get Calvin Johnson, and with the picks they received in the Matt Schaub deal, they have the firepower to pull it off. But if they stand pat, a gift like Adams may just fall into their laps. With Patrick Kerney leaving via free agency, the Falcons have a big hole to fill at defensive end. Gaines Adams is the total package who can get to the QB as well as drop into coverage when called upon.

9. Miami: Levi Brown, OT, Penn State
The Dolphins would have loved to have seen Brady Quinn slide, whether the Trent Green deal gets done or not. But this team has bigger needs on both the offensive and defensive lines (and arguably WR/KR) then they do at QB. While there are some big time defenders out there, there will still be quality picks waiting at the top of Round 2, while O-line, particularly tackle, suffers a big drop off after the top few guys. Brown will be a plug and play LT for this team that could use some protection for whatever injury plagued QB steps under center for them this year.

10. Houston (from Atlanta): Jamaal Anderson, DE, Arkansas
While snagging Adrian Peterson here would have been great PR, I don’t think it’s going to happen. Besides getting Anderson here would be huge value. Plus by putting him on the opposite end of last year’s #1 Mario Williams, the Texans can create even more lanes for 2006 Defensive Rookie of the Year DeMeco Ryans to exploit.

11. San Francisco: Patrick Willis, LB, Mississippi
After taking care of the offensive side of the ball the past few seasons it’s time for the 49ers to turn their attention to defense. While an end like Nebraska’s Adam Carriker would be a great fit, I think Coach Nolan will push for Willis, who he coached at this year’s Senior Bowl, to fill the void at linebacker that the team has had since Julian Peterson left after the 2005 season.

12. Buffalo: Leon Hall, CB, Michigan
While I think a running back like Cal’s Marshawn Lynch makes good sense here, I just don’t see the Bills doing it in this spot. I think they ideally wanted Willis, and may consider trading down if he’s gone. If they stay at #12, they will probably go cornerback to replace the departed Nate Clements, with Hall getting the nod over Pitt’s Darrelle Revis.

13. St. Louis: Darrelle Revis, CB, Pittsburgh
The Rams defense was absolutely horrible last year. They need help on the line, but can’t afford a project or bust here. Adam Carriker is a possibility, and a big time talent, but he doesn’t project perfectly into their system. And Michigan DT Alan Branch has bust written all over him. Revis would pair with former first rounder Tye Hill to form the best young secondary in the league (Denver had the best “old” secondary in the league.) to help give more time for the front 7 to get to the QB.

14. Carolina: Reggie Nelson, S, Florida
Carolina is going to be on the phone for awhile with this pick. Adam Carriker is still on the board, and while he isn’t a need for the Panthers, he’s probably not getting past Pittsburgh, so some teams may be willing to jump up. The LB and safety holes on this team are glaring, but most picks here project as reaches. I think they trade down and get one of each, but if they stay, they will go safety knowing that there is a deeper linebacking corps to sift through in Round 2.

15. Pittsburgh: Adam Carriker, DE, Nebraska
The Steelers are a team at the crossroads. Super Bowl champs to .500, and a new head coach calling the shots. The Steelers have some needs but no big holes. They would like to find a big back to pair with Willie Parker, but I don’t see them taking Lynch, instead targeting Louisville’s Michael Bush or more likely Rutgers’ Brian Leonard, a Mike Alstott clone, in the 3rd round. They need depth at outside linebacker, where they love Florida State’s Lawrence Timmons over some of the bigger names out there like Penn State’s Paul Posluszny and Miami’s Jon Beason, but this is too high for him, as it is for a tweener like Florida’s Jarvis Moss. A guard like Texas’ Justin Blalock makes sense since both disgruntled All-Pro Alan Faneca and fellow guard Kendall Simmons are heading into free agency. Though I believe they are more likely to target a guy like USC center Ryan Kalil in the 2nd round, with the idea of moving Sean Mahan from center back to guard in a season or two. But the best bet here is grabbing the top player left on the board, Adam Carriker, and playing him on the opposite side of Aaron Smith in the 3-4 and moving him inside next to Casey Hampton when they work in Coach Tomlin’s preferred 4-3 front.

16. Green Bay: Marshawn Lynch, RB, Cal
While a receiver or big play tight end like Miami’s Greg Olsen would make the returning Brett Farve very happy, Green Bay isn’t going anywhere without a solid back to take pressure off the throwing game. This pick helps Farve now, but it’s a true boon to eventual starter, and fellow Cal Golden Bear, Aaron Rodgers.

17. Jacksonville: Michael Griffin, S, Texas
The Jags need defense here, preferably a safety or pass rushing end. Local product, Florida’s undersized DE Jarvis Moss, would be a fan favorite, but is not a good fit for this team’s scheme. Even though most will call this pick a reach, with Griffin’s value considered to be closer to the bottom of Round 1, I think Jacksonville grabs the best fit for their needs regardless of what others will say.

18. Cincinnati: Jon Beason, LB, Miami
The Bengals need defense, and character guys are a plus. Their biggest holes are at linebacker and while a guy like Penn State’s Paul Posluszny is a big motor guy and class act, Jon Beason is the more versatile option who can play inside or outside in the Bengals’ system.

19. Tennessee: Aaron Ross, CB, Texas
Another team that needs a character infusion, the Titans will be looking to fill the hole created when Pacman Jones was suspended for a year by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. Ross is both a solid citizen, and speed corner with return skills. If the Titans haven’t fully soured on Jones, there is a chance of Ohio State WR Ted Ginn, Jr. going here instead.

20. N.Y. Giants: Paul Posluszny, LB, Penn St.
Cornerback, tackle, or linebacker… With Ross gone, there isn’t another corner worth grabbing this high. Central Michigan OT Joe Staley is a strong possibility, but it’s rare that a player like Posluszny comes along - someone who may actually enjoy Tom Coughlin’s coaching style.

21. Denver: Alan Branch, DT, Michigan
While an offensive lineman or linebacker was likely the original target for this spot, Branch’s free fall leaves the Broncos with an opportunity to grab the top DT on many boards. There’s been talk about weight and practice issues, but there are enough vets on this team to keep Branch in line.

22. Dallas: Ted Ginn, Jr., WR, Ohio State
While there were issues in the secondary last year, the team addressed it partially in free agency by grabbing former Seahawk Ken Hamlin and can pick up decent value at CB or safety in Round 2. But with each of their starting wideouts north of 30, being able to grab whichever WR they have listed #2 on their board is too good to pass up. My money is on Ginn, Jr. who can return punts and kicks while working his way into 3 and 4 receiver sets.

23. Kansas City: Joe Staley, OT, Central Michigan
The Chiefs have lost Willie Roaf and Will Shields to retirement in back-to-back seasons. Are you kidding? If they expect to give Larry Johnson another 400 carries next season while trotting either Damon Huard or Brodie Croyle out as their new starting QB, they had better start rebuilding their offensive line.

24. New England (from Seattle): Brandon Meriweather, S, Miami
The Pats would love to see either Griffin or Posluszny fall, but they will be very happy with Meriweather who can learn from Rodney Harrison (who turns 35 this season), working into a few series behind him and playing corner in nickel packages.

25. N.Y. Jets: Greg Olsen, TE, Miami
The crowd in Radio City Music Hall will explode when this pick is made. (And for a change, in a good way.) The Jets have needed a home run threat at TE for years and Olsen fits the bill. A receiver in a tight ends body (6’6”, 250lbs, with a 4.5 40), the media will love comparing him to fellow Hurricane and current New York Giant Jeremy Shockey.

26. Philadelphia: Jarvis Moss, DE, Florida
They would have hoped one of top safeties would have fallen to them, but they can get great value here in Moss. After Jevon Kearse's knee injury left the Eagles without a strong pass rush threat last season, the Eagles have a chance to snag a player who can slot into either rush end or linebacker depending on the down or formation.

27. New Orleans: Dwayne Bowe, WR, LSU
The signing of Colts’ cornerback Jason David clears the way for the Saints to pick a replacement for departed WR Joe Horn. Bowe is a good fit and it doesn’t hurt that he’s a local LSU product.

28. New England: David Harris, LB, Michigan
They have their pick of the top guard on the board here, but I think they will grab an inside linebacker to groom behind Tedy Bruschi. Harris is a high motor type that may not be the best player on the field, but he’s great at elevating the players around him. He should fit in well with the Patriots’ system.

29. Baltimore: Justin Blalock, OG/OT, Texas
The Ravens are deep everywhere but offensive line. Blalock played most of his college career at tackle, but most teams project him to guard in the NFL. I believe Baltimore will give him a long look at Tony Pashos vacated right tackle spot before looking to move him inside.

30. San Diego: Robert Meachem, WR, Tennessee
The Chargers are in need of a complementary target for QB Philip Rivers to team with WR/TE Vincent Jackson and TE/WR Antonio Gates. Meachem is purely a finesse receiver, whose 4.4 speed is best utilized on fly routes, leaving the middle of the field open for the big boys.

31. Chicago: Ben Grubbs, OG, Auburn
The Lance Briggs situation is a powder keg, and Lawrence Timmons is still sitting on the board. But with Timmons rawness he’ll need to learn from vets to get better, and Brian Urlacher has already made his opinions clear on the situation. So the Bears may avoid this issue for now and look at either an offensive lineman or wide receiver to help out their “weaker” half. With such a deep receiver class, I think Grubbs is the pick here.

32. Indianapolis: Chris Houston, CB, Arkansas
Free agency hit the Colts hard this off-season, especially on defense. Timmons would be a good fit, as would Tennessee DT Justin Harrell. But remember, they won the Super Bowl with the worst rated run defense in the NFL last season. But after losing both starting cornerbacks, the Colts need to be able to at least do something on D while Peyton Manning is filming commercials on the sidelines. Houston has the potential to start opening day after an impressive junior year in which he limited well regarded WR prospects Dwayne Bowe, Robert Meachem and Dwayne Jarrett to a combined 14 catches, 168 yards, and 1 touchdown.

I Want All Of The Drugs It Took To Make This Happen

2007-04-20T09:18:00.000-07:00

via AP

Spider-Man Set to Swing to Broadway

NEW YORK - Spider-Man is swinging his way to the Great White Way.

A Broadway musical based on the web-slinging superhero is in the works, Marvel Studios said Friday. It will be directed by Tony winner Julie Taymor with new music and lyrics by U2 frontman Bono and guitarist The Edge.

The musical will be the first time a Marvel Comics character has been the subject of a show on Broadway, the company said. No opening date was announced, but Marvel said a reading would take place this summer.

"We are certain this project will delight fans of Spider-Man and new audiences alike," said David Maisel, chairman of Marvel Studios, in a statement.

"Spider-Man 3," starring Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker/Spider-Man and Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane Watson, will be released May 4 by Columbia Pictures.

"Marvel continues to look to every entertainment medium to support the enduring popularity of our Super Heroes, and we are thrilled with the talent on board," Maisel said. "The all-star creative team _ led by Julie Taymor, Bono and The Edge _ is second to none."

Taymor won Tony Awards for her roles as director and costume designer of the Broadway hit "The Lion King."

Who Else Thinks Stipe Was Just Fucking With Him?

2007-04-19T09:07:00.000-07:00

via World Entertainment News Network

Timberlake: 'Stipe Made Me Cry'

Pop superstar Justin Timberlake was "almost in tears" when REM frontman Michael Stipe praised his hit single Cry Me a River.

The SexyBack singer says Stipe showed his appreciation for the track days before the Brit awards in 2003.

He says, "I knew that song was serious when I was on a plane going to London. Michael Stipe came up to me and said Cry Me a River was one of the most exciting, well-written songs he'd heard in the past five years. I was almost in tears.

"So it got me thinking, 'Why can't I do that again?'

My Prayer Is Answered About 10 Years Late. Thanks For Finally Finding Some Time For Me God.

2007-04-12T08:32:00.000-07:00

I don't care if the premise sounds like shit, and this is likely to disappoint on a De Niro/Pacino level, it IS finally going to happen.

via AP

Fantasy Journey for Jackie Chan & Jet Li

HONG KONG - The first film pairing of kung fu stars Jackie Chan and Jet Li will tell the tale of an American teenager's fantasy journey to ancient China to rescue a mythological monkey king, the film's U.S. distributor said Wednesday.

"The Forbidden Kingdom" will start shooting May 2 in movie studios in Hengdian, located southwest of Shanghai, and neighboring locations, the movie's producer, Casey Silver, said in a phone interview with The Associated Press.

The project has drawn attention because of the teaming of the two stars but plot details have been scarce.

The story line originates from the classic Chinese novel "Journey to the West," in which a monkey king helps guard a Buddhist monk who searches for religious texts.

In this new version, the teenager, a fan of kung fu movies, travels back in time after discovering the monkey king's stick weapon in a Chinatown pawn shop, film distributor Lionsgate said in a news release.

While Chan's and Li's roles are still under wraps, the film could offer a sharp contrast of fighting styles. Chan is known for his improvisational, defensive moves while Li tends to dominate his on-screen opponents.

Famed kung fu choreographer Yuen Woo-ping, known for his work on the "Matrix" trilogy, will design the action sequences in "Forbidden Kingdom," and Rob Minkoff, who made "Stuart Little" and "The Lion King," will direct the movie. Cinematographer Peter Pau, who won an Oscar for his work on "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," will shoot the movie.

Both Chan and Li made their names in Hong Kong cinema before moving on to Hollywood.

Chan was recently filming the third installment of the "Rush Hour" series with Chris Tucker. Li's recent Hollywood credits include "Cradle 2 the Grave" and "Kiss of the Dragon."

Don't Wear This Shit In Boston

2007-03-13T15:17:00.000-07:00

Thank you to Scott Taylor who e-mailed me the link to this shirt. I plan to wear it to a Red Sox game and watch thousands of stressed out pussies duck and cover while they dial in bomb threat reports to the FBI.

This thing is sweet. (Though I would never fucking wear it since, to be honest, it's just trying too damn hard.)

Full link here:

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/gaming/8e31/

Maybe They Can Bring Back USAgent...

2007-03-08T15:46:00.000-08:00

In case you wanted to know what I think of this...

It's fucking bullshit. But since they already killed off the Red Skull, and brought back Bucky, why not. I know, why don't they just shit all over my teen years and call it a day.

Hmmmm... Safe For Now Liechtenstein. Until I Show Up With A Sharp Stick And Become Your King Bitches.

2007-03-02T08:57:00.001-08:00

Swiss Accidentally Invade Liechtenstein

By Associated Press

ZURICH, Switzerland - What began as a routine training exercise almost ended in an embarrassing diplomatic incident after a company of Swiss soldiers got lost at night and marched into neighboring Liechtenstein.

According to Swiss daily Blick, the 170 infantry soldiers wandered just over a mile across an unmarked border into the tiny principality early Thursday before realizing their mistake and turning back.

A spokesman for the Swiss army confirmed the story but said that there were unlikely to be any serious repercussions for the mistaken invasion.

"We've spoken to the authorities in Liechtenstein and it's not a problem," Daniel Reist told The Associated Press.

Officials in Liechtenstein also played down the incident.

Interior ministry spokesman Markus Amman said nobody in Liechtenstein had even noticed the soldiers, who were carrying assault rifles but no ammunition. "It's not like they stormed over here with attack helicopters or something," he said.

Liechtenstein, which has about 34,000 inhabitants and is slightly smaller than Washington DC, doesn't have an army.

Anne Nicole Smith Baby Daddy Pool

2007-02-13T13:10:00.000-08:00

Odds on Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern's father are:

Larry Birkhead - ex-boyfriend, entertainment photojournalist: 3-1

Howard K. Stern - purported father, Smith's longtime personal attorney and non-binding commitment ceremony partner: 4-1

Frédéric Prinz von Anhalt - fake prince, Zsa Zsa Gabor husband, secret Smith lover and almost adobtive father: 7-1

J. Howard Marshall - dead second husband, oil tycoon, rumored frozen sperm donor: 10-1

Gaither Ben Thompson - another former boyfriend, real estate developer, rightful property owner: 15-1

Hugh Hefner - Playboy kingpin, dirty old man: 50-1

Daniel Wayne Smith - dead hillbilly son from first marriage: 75-1

Shane Gibson - Bahamian Immigration Minister, photo subject: 75-1

Alex Goen - TrimSpa honcho, chopper enthusiast, fellow defendant: 75-1

Billy Smith - first husband, previous Smith impregnator: 100-1

Chynna Doll - freaky hermaphrodite chum and film co-star: 100-1

Some kinda crazy mass sperm mix: even

My New Birthdate

2007-02-13T00:37:00.000-08:00

For now I truly live.

I got my Halo 3 e-mail. It said, congratulations , you were one of the first 13,333 gamers to meet the "Rule of Three" program eligibility requirements. As a result, you have been selected to participate in the Halo® 3 beta.

Two words. Man Canon.

Hells. Yeah.

There Are Times Even I Am At A Loss...

2007-02-09T12:18:00.000-08:00

Out of all of the headlines in the wake of Anna Nicole Smith's passing, this was the one I was least expecting to see. I mean... Dear lord.

via AP wire

Gabor Husband May Be Smith's Baby's Dad

LOS ANGELES - The husband of actress Zsa Zsa Gabor said Friday that he had a decade-long affair with Anna Nicole Smith and may be her infant daughter's father.

The claim by Prince Frederick von Anhalt comes amid a paternity suit over Smith's 5-month-old daughter, Dannielynn. The birth certificate lists Dannielynn's father as attorney Howard K. Stern, but former Smith boyfriend Larry Birkhead is waging a legal challenge, saying he is the father.

"If you go back from September, she wasn't with one of those guys, she was with me," von Anhalt told The Associated Press in an interview Friday.

He said he would file a lawsuit if Dannielynn is turned over to Stern or Birkhead.

Von Anhalt, 59, and Gabor, 90, have been married for more than 20 years.

Gabor, a onetime sex symbol and star of such 1950s films as "Moulin Rouge" and "Queen of Outer Space," has been in declining health in recent years and suffered a stroke in 2005. She was partially paralyzed in a car crash in 2002.

Von Anhalt, who is Gabor's eighth husband, said he and Smith first met in the 1990s when Smith was still married to elderly oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II. He said Smith approached him and Gabor at the Plaza Hotel in New York.

"She was a very big fan of Zsa Zsa and wanted to be like Zsa Zsa," he said. "She wanted to be a princess."

He said the two started an affair soon after, meeting over the years in Los Angeles, San Francisco and New York. For much of that time, he said, Smith urged him to make her a princess like his wife.

But short of divorcing the actress, he said the only solution would have been adopting Smith. Von Anhalt said he did consider that and even filled out adoption papers, but Gabor refused to sign them.

Meanwhile, a judge on Friday refused to order an emergency DNA test on the body of Anna Nicole Smith as part of a paternity suit involving her infant daughter, but he ordered that the body be preserved until a hearing in 10 days, attorneys said.

A medical examiner began an autopsy Friday on Anna Nicole Smith, whose mother blamed drugs for the former Playboy playmate's sudden death that ended an extraordinary tabloid life at just 39.

"I think she had too many drugs, just like Danny (Smith's late son)," her mother, Vergie Arthur, told ABC's "Good Morning America" on Friday. "I tried to warn her about drugs and the people that she hung around with. She didn't listen."

"She was too drugged up," Arthur said. "By the last interview I saw of her, she was so wasted."

Smith's attorney, Ron Rale, said the one-time reality TV star had been ill for several days with a fever and was still depressed over the death five months ago of her 20-year-old son from what a private medical examiner determined was a combination of methadone and two antidepressants.

On Thursday, authorities say, a private nurse found Smith unconscious in her room at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino and called 911. A bodyguard performed CPR, Seminole Police Chief Charlie Tiger said, but Smith was declared dead at a hospital.

Late Thursday, sheriff's deputies carried out at least eight brown paper bags sealed with red evidence tape from Smith's hotel room.

Several detectives are reviewing the hotel surveillance tapes to see if they might provide a clue to what happened, Deputy Police Chief Michael Browne said Friday. He said they had interviewed everyone connected to the death and no one was under suspicion.

"Nothing about this death seems suspicious. We're not treating it that way," Browne said. "We're being very thorough. We're going to look at everything."

Edwina Johnson, chief investigator for the Broward County Medical Examiner's Office, said an autopsy was under way Friday morning to try to determine the cause of death.

If Smith died of natural causes, the findings will likely be announced quickly, but definitive results could take weeks, said Dr. Joshua Perper, who was performing the autopsy.

"I am not a prophet, and I cannot tell you before the autopsy what I am going to find," he said.

Smith's son's death in the Bahamas on Sept. 10 came just a few days after she gave birth to a daughter, Dannielynn, whose custody remains in dispute.

The birth certificate lists Dannielynn's father as attorney Howard K. Stern, Smith's most recent companion, who Rale said was with Smith at the hotel and was too choked up to talk when he called Rale with the news. Smith's ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead is waging a legal challenge, saying he is the father.

At a hearing Friday in Los Angeles, a judge declined Birkhead's attorney's request to order an immediate DNA sample be taken from Smith's body. The judge ordered the body be retained, though, until a hearing on Feb. 20, attorney Debra Opri said.

Opri said the DNA is needed to connect Smith with Dannielynn "so that no one can switch the babies."

She also asked the judge to take jurisdiction over the child until her paternity is established. "Nothing was granted. Nothing was denied," she said.

Rale, Smith's attorney, said it was "despicable that we would have an emergency notice and appear right now."

The baby was being cared for in the Bahamas by the mother of Shane Gibson, the Bahamian immigration minister who is a close friend of Smith's, People magazine reported on its Web site, citing unidentified sources.

A visibly shaken Gibson declined comment as he was leaving his office Thursday night, and he has not responded to several message left by The Associated Press seeking comment.

Through the '90s and into the 21st century, Smith was famous for being famous, a pop-culture punchline because of her up-and-down weight, her Marilyn Monroe looks, her exaggerated curves, her little-girl voice, her ditzy-blonde persona and her over-the-top revealing outfits.

Recently, she lost a reported 69 pounds and became a spokeswoman for TrimSpa, a weight-loss supplement. In recent TV appearances, her speech was often slurred and she seemed out of it. Some critics said she seemed drugged-out.

"Undoubtedly it will be found at the end of the day that drugs featured in her death as they did in the death of poor Daniel," said Michael Scott, a former attorney for Smith in the Bahamas.

Rale said he had talked to her on Tuesday or Wednesday, and she had flu symptoms and a fever and was still grieving over her son. He dismissed claims her death was related to drugs as "a bunch of nonsense."

"Poor Anna Nicole," he said. "She's been the underdog. She's been besieged ... and she's been trying her best and nobody should have to endure what she's endured."

The Texas-born Smith was a topless dancer at a strip club before she made the cover of Playboy magazine in 1992. She became Playboy's playmate of the year in 1993. She was also signed to a contract with Guess jeans, appearing in TV commercials, billboards and magazine ads.

In 1994, she married 89-year-old oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II, owner of Great Northern Oil Co. After his death the following year, she engaged in a protracted legal fight with her former stepson, E. Pierce Marshall, over whether she had a right to the estate.

A federal court in California awarded Smith $474 million. That was later overturned. But in May, the U.S. Supreme Court revived her case, ruling that she deserved another day in court.

The stepson died June 20 at age 67, but the family said the court fight would continue.

Smith starred in her own reality TV series, "The Anna Nicole Show," in 2002-04. She also appeared in movies, performing a bit part in "The Hudsucker Proxy" in 1994.

Smith was born Vickie Lynn Hogan on Nov. 28, 1967, in Houston, one of six children. Her parents split up when she was a toddler, and she was raised by her mother, a deputy sheriff.

She dropped out after 11th grade after she was expelled for fighting, and worked as a waitress and then a cook at Jim's Krispy Fried Chicken restaurant in Mexia, Texas.

She married 16-year-old fry cook Bill Smith in 1985, giving birth to Daniel before divorcing two years later.

I Have A Few Theories About This "Ultimate Goal" And Most Involve Ingesting Urine

2007-02-02T09:03:00.000-08:00

via Associated Press

Fake Employer Took Women's Urine Samples

OMAHA, Neb. - A 36-year-old Omaha man accused of luring women to his home and taking urine samples when they thought they were applying for a job was found guilty Thursday of two counts of criminal impersonation.

Victims told police Kevin Oliver said he worked for cell phone company T-Mobile and was interviewing them for jobs. Prosecutors said there never were any jobs.

"To this day, we don't know what his ultimate goal was but whatever it was it was deceptive, it was damaging and it was protracted," said Omaha city prosecutor Marty Conboy. "This went on for 18 months that we know of."

After three searches of Oliver's home, authorities came up with no other signs of criminal activity. With credit for time already served, Oliver will spend eight days in jail and 18 months on probation.

More Proof Why Boston Is Straight Up Chump

2007-02-01T09:19:00.000-08:00

Redsox fans... Boston Rob... And look at this shit. Are you fucking kidding me? Why not be outraged by your shitty traffic patterns and despicable racism instead of some painfully obvious viral marketing signs. Yes, if you see something like that, check it out first, make sure it's not dangerous. These are scary times and you have to be careful about anything that looks suspicious. But once the concern has been alleviated, chill the fuck out.To be this blown away and up in arms? Seriously Boston, you suck my balls.

via AP

Boston Officials Livid Over Ad Stunt

BOSTON - Boston officials, livid about a publicity campaign that had disrupted the city by stirring fears of terrorism, vowed to prosecute those responsible and seek restitution.

Officials found a slew of blinking electronic signs adorning bridges and other high-profile spots across the city Wednesday, prompting the closing of a highway and the deployment of bomb squads.

The 38 signs were part of a promotion for Cartoon Network TV show "Aqua Teen Hunger Force," a surreal series about a talking milkshake, a box of fries and a meatball. The network is a parent of Turner Broadcasting Systems, Inc.

"It is outrageous, in a post 9/11 world, that a company would use this type of marketing scheme," Mayor Thomas Menino said. "I am prepared to take any and all legal action against Turner Broadcasting and its affiliates for any and all expenses incurred during the response to today's incidents."

The 1-foot tall signs resembled a circuit board, with protruding wires and batteries. Most depicted a boxy, cartoon character giving passersby the finger _ a more obvious sight when darkness fell.

Turner Broadcasting, a division of Time Warner Inc., apologized, but Boston authorities are still angry.

They arrested two men who put up the electronic promotions and vowed to hold Turner accountable for what Menino said was "corporate greed," that led to at least $500,000 in police costs.

Turner said the devices have been in place for two to three weeks in 10 cities: Boston; New York; Los Angeles; Chicago; Atlanta; Seattle; Portland, Ore.; Austin, Texas; San Francisco; and Philadelphia. As soon as the company realized the Boston problem, it said, law enforcement officials were told of their locations in all 10 cities.

"We apologize to the citizens of Boston that part of a marketing campaign was mistaken for a public danger," said Phil Kent, Turner chairman.

Kent said the marketing company that placed the signs, Interference Inc., was ordered to remove them immediately. Messages seeking additional comment from the Atlanta-based Cartoon Network were left with several publicists.

Highways, bridges and a section of the Charles River were shut down Wednesday and bomb squads were sent in. Turner notified them that the devices were part of a promotion at around 5 p.m., Boston officials said.

"Everyone can play a part by holding Turner Broadcasting to account for today's events," Suffolk District Attorney Daniel Conley said. "Viewers, advertisers, license holders, can and should make clear to them this sort of behavior is reckless, irresponsible and illegal."

"Commerce was disrupted, transportation routes were paralyzed, residents were stranded and relatives across the nation were in fear for their loved ones in the city of Boston," Conley said.

Peter Berdovsky, 27, of Arlington, and Sean Stevens, 28, of Charlestown, were each charged Wednesday night with one count of placing a hoax device and one count of disorderly conduct. State Attorney General Martha Coakley said they were hired to place the devices. Both men were to be arraigned Thursday morning.

Those conducting the campaign should have known the devices could cause panic because they were placed in sensitive areas, Coakley said. Authorities are investigating whether Turner and any other companies should be criminally charged, she said.

"We're not going to let this go without looking at the further roots of how this happened to cause the panic in this city," Coakley said.

In Seattle and several suburbs, the removal of the signs was low-key. "We haven't had any calls to 911 regarding this," Seattle police spokesman Sean Whitcomb said Wednesday. Police in Philadelphia said they believe their city had 56 devices.

In New York City, local news broadcasts showed images of the devices being collected, and the New York Post reported that police confiscated 41 in Manhattan and Brooklyn.

Interference had no immediate comment. A woman who answered the phone at the New York-based firm's offices Wednesday afternoon said the firm's CEO was out of town and would not be able to comment until Thursday.

Berdovsky, an artist, told The Boston Globe he was hired by Interference and said he was "a little kind of freaked out," by the furor.

"I find it kind of ridiculous that they're making these statements on TV that we must not be safe from terrorism, because they were up there for three weeks and no one noticed. It's pretty commonsensical to look at them and say this is a piece of art and installation," he told The Globe.

Berdovsky's attorney described the incident as a "misunderstanding."

"It's very disturbing that what was just an employment for a struggling artist turned into some major misunderstanding," Michael Rich told WHDH-TV.

A telephone voicemail box for Berdovsky was full Wednesday night. It could not immediately be determined if Stevens had legal counsel.

The first device to raise alarm in Boston was found by a transit worker at a subway and bus station underneath Interstate 93 on Wednesday morning, leading to the temporary shutdown of the station and the highway.

Later, police said four calls, all around 1 p.m., reported devices at the Boston University Bridge and the Longfellow Bridge, at a Boston street corner and at the Tufts-New England Medical Center.

Two devices, at the Longfellow Bridge and the medical center, however, turned out to be unrelated to the marketing campaign, Police Commissioner Edward Davis said.

The rash of calls around the same time is being investigated, Davis said. When asked if the calls were coordinated as part of the marketing campaign, he said: "There's no indication it came from panicked residents."

"Aqua Teen Hunger Force" is a cartoon with a cultish following that airs as part of a block of programs for adults on the Cartoon Network. A feature length film based on the show is slated for release March 23.

*****UPDATE******

Thank you Scott Taylor for finding this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zx2ytr2Oyv4

OMG

2007-01-31T14:10:00.000-08:00

Here are the promo photos for Daniel "Harry Potter" Radcliffe's West End stage debut in Peter Shaffer's EQUUS via broadwayworld.com. The word "gross" comes to mind.

Like Curing Cancer By Injecting The Patient With AIDS

2007-01-31T10:34:00.000-08:00

If you are concerned that Paula Abdul has become a drugged out wreck and contestant-fucking whore, why would you trade up to this:

via Us Online

Paula Being Replaced? Courtney Love Confirms She's Been Called for American Idol

Simon, Paula, Randy and ... Courtney??? Hold on to your remotes, Idolites, because legendary rock idol Courtney Love tells Usmagazine.com exclusively that American Idol wants her!

Love reveals to her favorite magazine Web site that Idol's executive producer Nigel Lythgoe called her office last week inquiring into whether she would be interested in sitting in as a judge on the hit FOX show.

"He called," Love tells Usmagazine.com. "He was wondering if I was interested. I thought it was kind of weird but brilliant."

Is FOX lining up a replacement for slap-happy Paula Abdul, or just looking to spice up the show with the always-entertaining rocker/actress? Love, who is currently in L.A. recording a solo album, declined to reveal any more specific details.

But a source tells Usmagazine.com that Lythgoe was considering having Love "replace Paula."

American Idol reps could not immediately be reached for comment.

***UPDATE***

Told you this sounded like a bad idea. from various reports American Idol boss Nigel Lythgoe has slammed reports he approached Courtney Love about joining the hit show, insisting she must have been the victim of a prank caller. The former Hole rocker said on Tuesday she had been contacted by Lythgoe about becoming a judge on the reality talent competition, possibly as a replacement for Paula Abdul. She told American publication Us Weekly, "He called. He was wondering if I was interested. I thought it was kind of weird, but brilliant." Lythgoe denies the conversation took place telling the magazine, "I did not call Courtney Love and am afraid someone may have misrepresented me. Courtney Love is a very talented artist, but the judges for American Idol are Paula, Randy, and Simon. We have no plans to add to or replace any of them." A source close to Love adds, "It was probably a prank."

Is This Scientist Fucking Kidding Me?!

2007-01-26T09:24:00.000-08:00

via Associated Press

Scientist Develops Caffeinated Doughnuts

DURHAM. N.C. - That cup of coffee just not getting it done anymore? How about a Buzz Donut or a Buzzed Bagel? That's what Doctor Robert Bohannon, a Durham, North Carolina, molecular scientist, has come up with. Bohannon says he's developed a way to add caffeine to baked goods, without the bitter taste of caffeine. Each piece of pastry is the equivalent of about two cups of coffee.

While the product is not on the market yet, Bohannon has approached some heavyweight companies, including Krispy Kreme, Dunkin' Donuts and Starbucks about carrying it.

------------

Great. Add some garlic to cereal. Or ketchup to a fucking sandwich. Then maybe get on that whole AIDS thing chop chop.

Bumfuck Ohio Town Just Getting Around To Being Outraged By South Park

2007-01-19T14:54:00.000-08:00

By Associated Press

Ohio City May Rename 'South Park'

MARYSVILLE, Ohio - You don't find fans of Cartman and Kenny on the Parks and Recreation Commission in the central Ohio city of Marysville. The panel has decided it's time to rename a local park that has come to be known as "South Park."

City administrator Kathy House says having a park with the same name as the popular but often controversial cartoon show has become inappropriate.

One member of the parks commission says they wanted to get away from "South Park" -- far away.

So, the board is recommending that the city council approve a change to "Greenwood Park," after a nearby street and apartment complex.

Marysville is about 35 miles northwest of Columbus.

Holy Shit!

2007-01-19T13:30:00.000-08:00

I randomly mention a guy and then he shows up dead. Bifuckingzarre.

WWE.COM is reporting the death of former wrestling superstar Scott "Bam Bam" Bigelow, who was found dead this morning in Florida.

WE To Feature Deep Throating Bounty Hunter

2007-01-18T09:23:00.000-08:00

God I love the world. So the Women's Entertainment channel has a new show coming out. See press blurb below.

WE’s Bounty Hunter Is No Dog

Pasadena, Calif. -- Sandra Scott juggles housecleaning and chasing down bad guys in Wife, Mom, Bounty Hunter,a reality skein on WE tv. The woman owns her own bail-bonds firm in Arizona and is a "free-lance" bounty hunter, Scott told critics at the Television Critics Association Tour here. Her husband, Ron, an electrician who joins her on her hunts; 15-year-old daughter Sabree; and six-year-old Ever Skye are also featured in the program. Scott is not a TV naif: She formerly was a tag-team wrestler on G.L.O.W: Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. The series will begin in April with a one-hour episode, but the body of the series will be half-hour episodes.

So here's the deal. Sandra Scott was born Sandra Lee Schwab. She then married Serge Jean-Pierre Margot and became Sandra Margot, which was here legal name when she wrestled for G.L.O.W. under the ring name Tiffany Mellon in the late 80s. She divorced Jean-Pierre during this time and eventually left G.L.O.W. to pursue a career in adult films were she was billed under several variations of the name Tiffany Million in a TON of films including Stripper Nurses & Titty Bar 2. She also married fellow adult star Ritchie Razor during this period, and co-starred with him in flicks like Jailhouse Cock and The Beaverly Hillbillies. They didn't last long. Neither did her marriage to Jeffrey Paul Hickey. But soon after that she left the adult film industry, married Ron Scott, and became Sandra Scott, mom/bounty hunter.

And now she has a show. Which I think is brilliant. But why skip over her sweet film career in this press release? She did that waaaaay longer than G.L.O.W. And while wrestling seems like the more applicable trade to flow into bounty hunting (see Bam Bam Bigelow) her work on the thrilling Temple of Poon was no less physical than any match she had in the ring. That shit was the bomb.

PBS Signs Burns, Apparently Plans To Murder Him In 2022

2007-01-17T14:24:00.000-08:00

via CBC Arts

Documentarian Ken Burns signs lifetime deal with PBS

American documentary filmmaker Ken Burns has inked an exclusive deal with PBS, which will air his works until 2022.

Paula Kerger, chief of the U.S. public network, confirmed the 53-year-old director has signed a deal that is essentially a lifetime contract.

"What it represents is an extra commitment from Ken that he's planning to spend the rest of his professional life working with public television," said Kerger at a Saturday meeting with television critics in California.

Burns launched his career through his Emmy-winning Civil War docu-series airing in 1990, following it up with Baseball in 1994 — which also won an Emmy — and 2001's Jazz serial.

Kerger indicated Burns's upcoming 14-hour series on the Second World War, to be shown in September and called The War, would be another "one of those seminal events, not just in public broadcasting history, but in broadcast history."

Burns has said that he wanted to capture the memories of the people who fought in that war before they died. The series follows four American towns in different states through the war years, centering on both the soldiers and their families and friends left behind.

"The point of view is from ordinary people, who do the fighting and who do the dying in all wars," Burns said in an interview in November.

The filmmaker's other projects include one on the National Parks system and another about the Prohibition era in the U.S.

The Brooklyn-born Burns has won many awards in his professional life. The nine-episode Civil War series earned 40 major film and television awards, including two Emmy Awards, a Producer of the Year award from the Producers Guild of America, a Peabody and the $50,000 US Lincoln Prize.

His other noteworthy works include a documentary about the opening of the American frontier called The West (1996), one about architect Frank Lloyd Wright and the Emmy-winning Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson (2004) — about the first African-American heavyweight champion of the world.

------

Did Paula Kerger basically pull the plug on Burns after 2022? Listen to how that shit reads. Image that meeting before they called Ken with a deal. "How old will this guy be then? 68? He's fuckin' done! It takes him like 7 years to make these things!"

Kerger blows. You may remember her shitting all over Melanie Martinez last year.

A Tale Of Two Actresses

X-Mas Fun

2006-12-10T13:06:00.000-08:00

Me and my lovely lady performed a skit last night at a holiday party. It was mildly well received. Christa performed the colored text and I the plain text. She used her perfect pitch to sing her lines as I used my jackassery to chew scenery and deliver mine. There will be typing errors as I wrote this in about an hour last night just before the party. Enjoy.

-----

An in-depth look at the psycho sexual thriller that is… Baby It's Cold Outside

I really can't stay – He replies “Baby it's cold outside”

I've got to go away – He repeats in case she hadn’t heard him the first time, “Baby it's cold outside”

This evening has been – Cutting her off he says, “Been hoping that you'd drop in”

So very nice – He retorts. “I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice.” Playing on the fact that woman are always, so very, very cold.

My mother will start to worry – To which he says. “Beautiful, what's your hurry”. A compliment. This guy is good. A prick, but good.

My father will be pacing the floor – Again, ignoring the blatant under bus tossing of her family members he tosses her this gem. “Listen to the fireplace roar”

So really I'd better scurry – Hmm. She seems determined. The answer? To hit her with another compliment. Even if it’s the same one as before. "Beautiful, please don't hurry." Note he has now rhymed both worry and scurry with hurry.

Well maybe just a half a drink more – A lesson fellas, call a girl beautiful and she will forget her concerned parents. The move here “Put some music on while I pour” aka I’m going to drug you.

The neighbors might think – cutting her off again, her states “Baby, it's bad out there.” He is now on to Baby. Note ladies, once he has you, Beautiful is out the window.

Say, what's in this drink – She has noticed the drugs. So now to scare her. “No cabs to be had out there” What a creeper.

I wish I knew how – Again cutting her off mid line he follows up his creepy gaffe with the ultimate fall back – the eyes, as he says “Your eyes are like starlight now”

To break this spell – As she finishes her desperate plea to fight the Rohypnol in her wine, he makes his move “I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell” clothes are coming off people.

I ought to say no, no, no, sir – Clearly not a no means no guy, our Romeo replies “Mind if I move a little closer”

At least I'm gonna say that I tried – Now that this poor drugged up, freezing lass has given in, Prince Charming can’t resist this cleaver gem “What's the sense in hurting my pride”

I really can't stay – She fights back. He turns on the class. “Baby don't hold out” Bravo sir. Bravo.

I simply must go – Clearly the drugs have her, so he reminds her of his initial point, “Baby, it's cold outside”

The answer is no – haha. Hmmmm. Yeahhh. [shake head] “Ooh baby, it's cold outside”

This welcome has been – “I'm lucky that you dropped in.” Charmmmm.

So nice and warm – That’s right. Girl’s are cooold. You got her hooked stud. Now reel…"Look out the window at that storm.” The song now takes a turn for the surreal. I believe at this point our male lead has begun to drink out the wrong wine glass.

My sister will be suspicious - [pause, look completely laugh/serious] Man, your lips look so delicious

My brother will be there at the door - Waves upon a tropical shore [toss out arms]

My maiden aunt's mind is vicious – Clearly drunk, this man shows no concern for the fact that this woman lives with her parents, siblings and crazy aunt. He is focused on one thing. Delicious lips. Think I’m lying. The line again was…

My maiden aunt's mind is vicious - “Gosh your lips look delicious.” [hands out then fingers]Twice

Well maybe just a half a drink more - [head down] And it wooorked. But like a guy he keeps blowing it by piling it on. “Never such a blizzard before”

I've got to go home - [alarmed] You’re blowing it dude. “Oh, baby, you'll freeze out there.” Ah yes, again with the fear move.

Say, lend me your coat – Gotta give her more fear of the elements. Beyond simple layering. “It's up to your knees out there"

You've really been grand – Desperation time my man. Give her all you have “I'm thrilled when you touch my hand” [pause] Meh.

But don't you see – “How can you do this thing to me“ okayyy. Maybe a little too desperate now.

There's bound to be talk tomorrow – “Making my life long sorrow” creepy desperate.

At least there will be plenty implied – “If you caught pneumonia and died” Super creepy desperate

I really can't stay – He now seems resigned to losing his prey and lashes out a bitterly with a final desperate “Get over that old out.”

She then seems to make a break for it…

[spoken] Brr its cold….It's cold out there

Can’t you stay awhile longer baby

[spoken] Well…..I really shouldn't...alright

[lick and mark motion]

Together: Ahh, but it's cold outsideeeeee

The Tasteometer Just Imploded

2006-11-14T22:53:00.000-08:00

via AP wire

O.J. Simpson to Discuss Killings

LOS ANGELES - Fox plans to broadcast an interview with O.J. Simpson in which the former football star discusses "how he would have committed" the slayings of his ex-wife and her friend, for which he was acquitted, the network said.

The two-part interview, titled "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened," will air Nov. 27 and Nov. 29, the TV network said.

Simpson has agreed to an "unrestricted" interview with book publisher Judith Regan, Fox said.

"O.J. Simpson, in his own words, tells for the first time how he would have committed the murders if he were the one responsible for the crimes," the network said in a statement. "In the two-part event, Simpson describes how he would have carried out the murders he has vehemently denied committing for over a decade."

The interview will air days before Simpson's new book, "If I Did It," goes on sale Nov. 30. The book, published by Regan, "hypothetically describes how the murders would have been committed."

In a video clip on the network's Web site, an off-screen interviewer says to Simpson, "You wrote 'I have never seen so much blood in my life.'"

"I don't think any two people could be murdered without everybody being covered in blood," Simpson responds.

Simpson, who now lives in Florida, was acquitted in a criminal trial of the 1994 killings of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ronald Goldman. Simpson was later found liable in 1997 in a wrongful death lawsuit filed by the Goldman family.

Messages left with Simpson and his attorney Yale Galanter were not immediately returned.

-----

wow...

Rapper From A Super Sweet Sixteen Episode Gets Pissed Off Over Credibility

2006-11-03T11:38:00.000-08:00

Kanye, seriously, you need to calm the fuck down. It's MTV Europe dude.

---

via AP wire

Kanye West Upset at MTV Video Award Loss

COPENHAGEN, Denmark - Rap star Kanye West was named Best Hip Hop artist, but still came off as a sore loser at the MTV Europe Music Awards.

West apparently was so disappointed at not winning for Best Video that he crashed the stage Thursday in Copenhagen when the award was being presented to Justice and Simian for "We Are Your Friends."

In a tirade riddled with expletives, West said he should have won the prize for his video "Touch The Sky," because it "cost a million dollars, Pamela Anderson was in it. I was jumping across canyons."

"If I don't win, the awards show loses credibility," West said.

The rapper grabbed the Best Hip Hop award earlier in the night in a star-studded event hosted by Justin Timberlake in the Danish capital.

West has a particular affinity for the "Touch The Sky" video. In an interview with The Associated Press in August, he expressed his displeasure that the clip, an elaborate Evel Knievel spoof, didn't get nominated for an MTV Video Music Award.

"It didn't get any nominations, but it's one of the most memorable videos of the year for me," he told AP.

It's also not the first time he's had a meltdown at an awards show. At the 2004 American Music Awards, West bitterly complained backstage that he was robbed when he didn't win a trophy.

Kayne West (far left) being a dick to amused Euros.

Justice vs. Simian "We Are Your Friends" is the bomb.

Don't Friend This Fucker...

2006-10-25T15:49:00.000-07:00

via MetroWest Daily News

Police say Myspace tiff led to biting

FRAMINGHAM -- A Framingham man angry that his ex-girlfriend removed him as a friend from her Myspace.com Web page, repeatedly bit, punched and then choked her on the weekend, police said.

Michael Magrath, 19, told police he did not punch the woman Saturday, but said he bit her and put his hands on her throat, but it was all in jest, police spokesman Lt. Paul Shastany said.

He also did not deny he destroyed her laptop computer, worth more than $2,000, Shastany said.

"The victim had gone to see her ex-boyfriend and they were looking at Myspace, when he discovered she had removed him from her Myspace Web page," said Shastany. "He became very angry and he bit her on the arm, threw her on the bed, punched her in the face and began to choke her."

Myspace.com is a social networking Web site. People can invite "friends" to their page, which allows them to send messages back and forth.

The victim, who police did not name, said Magrath was finally pulled off the girl by his roommate, Shastany said.

Still angry, Magrath punched his ex-girlfriend’s laptop computer, smashing the screen portion of the computer.

The woman left and went straight to the police station, where she made her report. Officers went to the apartment and arrested Magrath.

"He said they were joking around about the Myspace page," said Shastany. "He said he bit her on the arm and put his hands around her neck, but it was a joke. He said he punched the computer, but he never hit her."

Magrath of 330 Hollis St. was charged with assault and battery and the malicious destruction of property worth more than $250.

Magrath was released without bail after his Framingham District Court arraignment yesterday. He is due back in court on Nov. 29 for a pretrial conference

Tupac Ain't On This List Because That Fucker Is Still Alive!

2006-10-25T15:48:00.000-07:00

via AP

Cobain Tops List of Richest Dead Celebs

NEW YORK - Twelve years after his death, Kurt Cobain is making millions upon millions. He's even richer than the King.

Cobain, who raked in an estimated $50 million between October 2005 and October of this year, has edged Elvis Presley from the No. 1 spot on Forbes.com's list of "Top-Earning Dead Celebrities."

Presley, who sat atop the list each year since its debut in 2001, ranks second with earnings of $42 million. Presley died in 1977.

He's followed by Charles M. Schulz, John Lennon, Albert Einstein, Andy Warhol, Dr. Seuss (Theodor Geisel), Ray Charles, Marilyn Monroe, Johnny Cash, J.R.R. Tolkien, George Harrison and Bob Marley.

Cobain, lead singer of grunge-rock band Nirvana, committed suicide in 1994. In March, his widow, rocker Courtney Love, sold 25 percent of Nirvana's song catalog to Primary Wave Music Publishing.

Thanks to the deal, Cobain's music will be heard on CBS' "CSI: Miami," Forbes said, and could also be used in commercials for eco-friendly products.

Forbes said the celebrities on the list collectively earned $247 million in the past year. The list was posted on the Web site Tuesday.

What. An. Asshole.

2006-10-25T10:26:00.000-07:00

via IMDb

Limbaugh Blasts Parkinson's Sufferer Fox for "Acting"

Controversial radio host Rush Limbaugh has slammed actor Michael J. Fox for "acting" his way through a new campaign ad for his favorite politician. The Parkinson's Disease sufferer is seen frantically shaking as he urges voters to consider Missouri Democratic Senate candidate Claire McCaskill in the TV spot. McCaskill shares Fox's hopes for a cure for Parkinson's Disease, and is a strong advocate of embryonic stem cell research. But right-wing radio pundit Limbaugh is far from convinced the Back To The Future star was being honest in the tough-to-watch TV ad, accusing him of faking his condition. He says, "Either he didn't take his medication or he's acting... He's exaggerating the effects of the disease. This is the only time I have ever seen Michael J. Fox portray any of the symptoms of the disease he has. This is really shameless of Michael J. Fox." In his radio rant, which aired on Monday, Limbaugh continued "I will bigly (sic), hugely admit that I was wrong, and I will apologize to Michael J. Fox if I am wrong in characterizing his behavior on this commercial as an act, especially since people are telling me they have seen him this way on other interviews and in other television appearances. Michael J. Fox is using his illness as a way to mislead voters into thinking that their vote for a single United States senator has a direct impact on stem cell research in Missouri. It doesn't, and it won't."

-----------

First of all - Look, even if it was true, he still HAS the disease you fucking asshole. Perhaps when he has made appearances in the past where you think he hasn't been showing the horrible effects of this disease, that THAT was the acting? Perhaps having to tax his body to it's limits to maintain an outward appearance of normalcy to make appearances, is in fact, the fictional part of his disease? So that when you see him in a rare TV or film role or appearance now, you can simply enjoy his acting or interview, and not be distracted by his Parkinson's you fuck hat.

Second - Are you seriously tellingly your rabidly political fan base that the result of one election doesn't mean shit. Good. I hope they blindly follow your advice and stay home on election day (or choose not to mail in their absentee ballots). For the record, Michael is appearing in several spots, in many states, in key races. But thanks for looking into the full facts fuck pants.

Third - Better get your apology bib out and tie it on fuck shoes, because your statement better come swift, be as sincere as you can possibly make it be, and have a check attached with a hefty donation to Parkinson's research.

Nice One. Who Sues Who Here?

2006-10-21T13:29:00.000-07:00

Pan's Labyrinth
Dec 29th, 2006
Picturehouse

Pathfinder
Jan 12th, 2007
20th Century Fox

Better Baseball Player...

2006-10-19T09:01:00.000-07:00

Big Bird...

...0r Chewbacca

We Are Fucked As A Society Folks

2006-10-18T16:33:00.000-07:00

Look at this shit. Are you fucking kidding me?!

via AP Wire

Mass. Elementary School Bans Tag

ATTLEBORO, Mass. - Tag, you're out! Officials at an elementary school south of Boston have banned kids from playing tag, touch football and any other unsupervised chase game during recess for fear they'll get hurt and hold the school liable.

Recess is "a time when accidents can happen," said Willett Elementary School Principal Gaylene Heppe, who approved the ban.

While there is no districtwide ban on contact sports during recess, local rules have been cropping up. Several school administrators around Attleboro, a city of about 45,000 residents, took aim at dodgeball a few years ago, saying it was exclusionary and dangerous.

Elementary schools in Cheyenne, Wyo., and Spokane, Wash., also recently banned tag during recess. A suburban Charleston, S.C., school outlawed all unsupervised contact sports.

"I think that it's unfortunate that kids' lives are micromanaged and there are social skills they'll never develop on their own," said Debbie Laferriere, who has two children at Willett, about 40 miles south of Boston. "Playing tag is just part of being a kid."

Another Willett parent, Celeste D'Elia, said her son feels safer because of the rule. "I've witnessed enough near collisions," she said.

Nerf Is Really Starting To Scare The Shit Out Of Me

2006-10-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

Remember when they were happy just making balls?

Nerf Longshot

Dear Lord! The Title Alone...

2006-09-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my buddy Kyle, who called me at work to tell me of the potential existence of a Dustin Diamond sex tape...

When he said it was right up my alley, I was hoping he meant the pop culture significance and not Screech cock.

via IMDb

Former teen TV star Dustin Diamond is reportedly the star of a candid new sex tape in which he romps with two women. The 29-year-old, who played geek Screech Powers in Saved By The Bell, engages in a number of sexual acts with the women in the 40-minute tape. Agent David Hans Schmidt has acquired the rights and is currently seeking a distributor for Saved By The Smell. Schmidt tells the New York Daily News, "Just when you think you have seen everything in this business, mankind has raised the bar another notch. Or lowered it." Diamond's manager Roger Paul hopes the tape will raise his client's profile and help resurrect the acting career that collapsed when Saved By The Bell ended in 1997. He says, "I haven't seen the tape. I've heard rumors. Dustin has been trying to escape the Screech typecast. So this may help me get more bookings." Diamond will welcome any royalties he gets from the tape - in June he launched a campaign to save his home from foreclosure, by selling autographed T-shirts on the internet.

Shawn's Top 5 Alternate Titles for Saved By The Smell

Saved By The Bell: The Desperate Porn Years
Thrustin' Diamond
Showgirls 2
How The Fuck Does Dustin Diamond Pull A Threesome?!
Screech Powers...His Way Into Some Vagina

-------

Update:

Word on the "street" (ie. The New York Daily News) is that the tape features a "dirty sanchez".

... I know. Lord, I know...

But now, you have to ask yourself... Do you want to see it any less... or moooooore?

So Many Levels Of Terrible

2006-09-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

Under a naming-rights deal to be announced today, the Cardinals' heralded new football stadium in Glendale will be rechristened University of Phoenix Stadium.-- Arizona Republic

That's More Like It

2006-09-25T09:25:00.000-07:00

via CNN

Teen idol breaks engagement after one week

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Pop singer Aaron Carter has broken off his engagement to his older brother's ex.

The 18-year-old teen idol called off his engagement to 22-year-old actress Kari Ann Peniche just a week after he proposed onstage in Las Vegas, Us Weekly reported on its Web site Sunday.

Peniche is an ex-girlfriend of Carter's older brother, Backstreet Boys singer Nick Carter, 26. She's also a former Miss Teen USA and former Playboy Playmate.

"I got caught up in the moment and proposed," the younger Carter told the magazine. "I then realized it was a hasty thing to do and I am not ready for marriage quite yet."

Attempts by The Associated Press to reach a representative for Carter were not immediately successful Monday.

Both brothers will appear in the upcoming reality series "House of Carters" on the E! network.

Fuck Me

2006-09-20T10:15:00.000-07:00

How the fuck does this happen?

from imdb

Aaron Carter Engaged

Singer Aaron Carter is engaged to Playboy Playmate Kari Ann Peniche, who previously dated his brother Nick. The 18-year-old proposed to Peniche on Saturday in Las Vegas, Nevada, while they were onstage in front of 200 people during the Playboy Comedy Tour at the Palms Casino Resort. She tells American publication People, "I'm very excited about it. Aaron is the most genuine person I know. He's kind, loving, and I love him so much." Peniche, 22, says she was shocked when Carter popped the question adding, "I had no idea he was going to do this, but I'm glad he did. I don't remember it happening. It was such a blur." The couple, who plan to wed in the next six months, hugged and kissed after Peniche accepted the proposal. Playboy tour producer and comedian Cort McCown says, "He said he was going to do it, but we thought he was kidding. He was really nervous." Peniche was named Miss Teen USA in 2003, but had to relinquish her title after posing for Playboy. Carter is set to star in a new reality show about his family, House Of Carters, which premieres next month on the American E! network.

We'll Miss You Steve!

2006-09-05T16:55:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the memories

Holy Shit, What Is Happening Out There?!

2006-08-23T13:12:00.000-07:00

Psycho Killer Raccoons Terrorize Olympia

Asshole Names Restaurant After Hitler

Photo Of Said Assholes' Restaurant

New 'Survivor' Divides Groups by Race

Madness I Tell You! Madness!

2006-08-22T12:33:00.000-07:00

You knew it was gonna happen. Remember the shootings at the 50 Cent movie?

Well now you got Snakes In A Theater.

http://www.local6.com/spotlight/9717727/detail.html

Mindbogglingly brilliant in theory yet so massively stupid in reality.

The Worst Thing About This Fucker Is That I'm Pretty Fucking Sure He Is Lying

2006-08-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

Read this. What a fucking jackass. Chatting up passengers. Clinking glasses. Are you fucking kidding me?! And I swear I can see this turning out where he didn't do it. That he wasn't even any fucking where near Colorado on that day. But we may not ever get to that point. Because he is going to do his best to fuck with everyone before killing himself. The more I read about this fucker the more I want to drop him in a tar pit.

via AP

Ramsey Murder Suspect Held in L.A. Jail

LOS ANGELES - John Mark Karr's hours of champagne toasts and roast duck vanished the second his plane touched down on U.S. soil. By Monday morning, he was in a high-security jail cell awaiting transfer to Colorado to face charges in the killing of 6-year-old JonBenet Ramsey.

Karr was arrested at the airport on a warrant from Boulder County, Colo. A helicopter whisked him to the Twin Towers jail shortly before midnight in a sobering end to a day that began in Bangkok and included fine dining, movies and small talk with his U.S. escorts aboard the Thai Airways flight.

"He is going to be housed here in the men's jail, kept in isolation in a 6-by-9 room with a bed, a toilet no windows and no phones," said Los Angeles County sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore. "He'll get jail chow, he won't get king crab, I'll tell you that."

Karr was to be held in a "high power" cell for noteworthy inmates, checked by guards every 15 minutes, and separated from other inmates who often target suspected child molesters, sheriff's officials said.

Boulder County authorities said Karr was expected to have an extradition hearing in Los Angeles within days, and would be taken to Colorado if he waived extradition. No hearing date was immediately set.

Karr, who last week suddenly emerged as a suspect in a case long believed to have gone cold, told reporters in Thailand that he was with 6-year-old JonBenet when she died in the basement of her home on Dec. 26, 1996, but that her death was an accident.

U.S. officials have been silent about what Karr told them during interrogations.

While in Thailand, Karr had visited a clinic to have facial hair removed permanently because he wanted to prepare for a sex-change operation, a doctor said Monday.

The 41-year-old school teacher's return to the United States was voluntary, and he wasn't handcuffed before or during the 15-hour Thai Airways flight from Bangkok.

Dressed in a red, short-sleeve, button-down shirt and black tie, Karr was whisked through Don Muang International Airport in Bangkok. He chatted with fellow passengers at the departure gate.

Aboard the jet he took a window seat next to Mark Spray, an investigator with the Boulder County district attorney's office. The escort also included a U.S. Embassy official and an agent with "Homeland Security" on his shirt.

Before takeoff, Karr took a glass of champagne from a flight attendant and clinked glasses with Spray, who sipped orange juice.

Karr first dined on pate, salad, fried king prawn, steamed rice, broccoli and chocolate cake. He also had a beer _ crushing the empty can with his hands _ and then had a glass of chardonnay.

Karr appeared to order the drinks himself.

He later dined on roast duck with soy sauce and yellow noodles, and for his third meal had pizza, chocolates and a bottle of Evian.

He sometimes conversed with Spray, who took notes on some of the remarks. Karr told an AP reporter that it was "small talk."

Also during the flight, Karr flipped through movie channels, watched "The Last Samurai," dozed and made several trips to the restroom accompanied by two guards. Each time the door was left slightly ajar.

At one point he changed out of the red shirt and tie, replacing them with a blue polo, but then changed back into the shirt and tie before the landing.

Earlier this year, Karr had gone to the Siam Swan Cosmetic Clinic and its branches in Bangkok to have his sideburns and hair under his chin removed with lasers, Dr. Setthakarn Attakonpan said Monday.

"He wanted to prepare himself to do a sex-change operation," said Setthakarn, a dermatologist.

Hours before Karr's departure from Bangkok on Sunday, a doctor at a clinic specializing in sex-change surgery said Karr had gone there for treatment.

"He was one of my patients," Dr. Thep Vechavisit of the Pratunam Polyclinic said. He refused to provide further details.

Bangkok, where Karr lived on and off for two years, is regarded as a center for sex change operations. The Pratunam clinic advertises sex-change surgery for $1,625 _ a bargain compared to U.S. prices, where male-to-female reassignment surgery can cost tens of thousands of dollars.

Karr, once detained on charges of possessing child pornography, in recent years apparently traveled to Europe, Central America and Asia to search for teaching jobs. He taught in at least two Thai schools.

Why Won't This Bitch Shut The Fuck Up?

2006-08-21T10:10:00.000-07:00

via AP

Paris Hilton Praises Her Debut Album

NEW YORK - Paris Hilton is no stranger to self-promotion. But when she asked DJs to play songs from her upcoming debut album, "Paris," last spring, she wasn't so confident.

"People go crazy," the 25-year-old socialite/reality TV star/singer says in an interview in the September issue of Blender magazine, on newsstands Tuesday. "They love it. Everyone's like, `Who is this?' I don't tell. Because I don't want someone putting their phone up and recording it and making a ring tone off of it.

"I think when people don't know it's me, they won't judge it. But if they know it's me, then they'll be like, `Ugh.' They won't even dance."

"Paris" the album was set for release Tuesday. Hilton's breathy, reggae-infused single, "Stars Are Blind," has climbed to the top of Billboard's dance music chart.

Of her album, she says, "I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it's so good."

Hilton says the baby voice she uses on the reality TV show "The Simple Life" is an act.

"I'm always playing a character," she says. "I don't talk like this really _ like a baby. I don't act like myself in public, because I don't really want to show everyone the real me. Because I have no privacy whatsoever, the only thing I have is who I really am."

I Would Rather Drink Ball Sweat

2006-08-18T11:05:00.000-07:00

This shitty show better not get made.

via IMDb.com

Dina Lohan Develops Own Talk Show

Lindsay Lohan's mother Dina Lohan is developing her own talk show for US television. Dina, who acts as her daughter's manager, claims she is the perfect host for a show because people feel comfortable telling her their problems. She says, "Lindsay's friends call me the 'white Oprah (Winfrey)' because they all come to me with their problems. I'm like the mom of these kids in the business. I love to talk. I have a talk show in the works. It's more of an Apprentice-type game show thing. I would host it and co-produce it. We're shopping it around."

Quote Of The Day

2006-08-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

"We're never going to eat Colombians out of their ants"

An Open Letter To Mythbusters

2006-08-11T09:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Jamie and Adam,

I read in People magazine that people can blow up planes with a cell phone, water, and make-up. This sounds like some bullshit to me. Now I can’t bring soda on a plane. I like soda, and they never have my kind on the plane. I say, “I would like a grape soda please.” And they say they have grape juice, or Coke. That’s bullshit! I saw on your show one time that catching a bullet in your mouth is some bullshit. So I figured you would do this one too. You’ll need a plane and some stuff like peroxide and a disposable camera. Please let me know when the show will be on with this, so I will watch it. Thanks!

Shawn

PS – Kari is pretty. Please have her send me some pictures.

Worst. Play. Ever.

2006-08-03T14:51:00.000-07:00

via AP

Cambodians to Throw a Potty Party

HNOM PENH, Cambodia - The residents of a Cambodian village will throw a party this weekend to celebrate a sanitation milestone: a toilet in every home.

All 94 families in Sleng village in Kampong Speu province have installed a simple latrine in their homes to deal with solid human waste, making the village "a model of good hygiene" for neighboring communities, the U.N. children's organization said.

Hilda Winarta, a UNICEF water and sanitation officer, said the latrines are simple _ holes in the ground surrounded by walls made from tree leaves or plastic sheets _ but can help prevent outbreaks of dangerous diseases.

The village will celebrate its achievement on Saturday with ceremonies and speeches by the village chief, government officials and UNICEF.

A local comedian will also perform, and village actors will perform a short play about how the village residents will no longer have to defecate outdoors.

English Children's Museum Pretty Fucking Retarded

2006-08-02T13:19:00.000-07:00

The visuals I have in my mind of this going down... So good. This is like some fucking Simpson's shit.

via AP

Dog Destroys Elvis' Teddy Bear at Museum

LONDON - A guard dog has ripped apart a collection of rare teddy bears, including one once owned by Elvis Presley, during a rampage at a children's museum.

"He just went berserk," said Daniel Medley, general manager of the Wookey Hole Caves near Wells, England, where hundreds of bears were chewed up Tuesday night by the 6-year-old Doberman pinscher named Barney.

Barney ripped the head off a brown stuffed bear once owned by the young Presley during the attack, leaving fluffy stuffing and bits of bears' limbs and heads on the museum floor. The bear, named Mabel, was made in 1909 by the German manufacturer Steiff.

The collection, valued at more than $900,000, included a red bear made by Farnell in 1910 and a Bobby Bruin made by Merrythought in 1936.

The bear with Elvis connections was owned by English aristocrat Benjamin Slade, who bought it at an Elvis memorabilia auction in Memphis, Tenn., and had loaned it to the museum.

"I've spoken to the bear's owner and he is not very pleased at all," Medley said.

A security guard at the museum, Greg West, said he spent several minutes chasing Barney before wrestling the dog to the ground.

No Fucking Shit. Really?

2006-07-31T14:36:00.000-07:00

from the AP

91-Year -Old Man Unsucessful At Shooing 20,000 Wasps With Brush

BERLIN - A German beekeeper attracted more than 20,000 wasps into his home when he brought his honeycombs indoors, but managed to escape injury, police said Sunday.

Police in the central city of Hildesheim said they were alerted to the 91-year-old man's predicament on Saturday afternoon by an observant neighbor.

The man had tried unsuccessfully to swat the insects toward the open window of his living room with a brush. Police called in a pest controller to deal with the swarm.

Baseball Team Adds New Racially Offensive Character To The Mix

2006-07-28T08:36:00.000-07:00

Via AP Wire

Brewers Add Chorizo to Sausage Race

MILWAUKEE - It could have been wurst. On his first outing as the newest sausage at Miller Park, chorizo didn't fall on his buns.

Wearing an oversized brown sombrero and a bright yellow shirt emblazoned with the No. 5, Chorizo became the fifth pork product to join the famed sausage races at every Milwaukee Brewers home game.

He signed a contract with Brewers general manager Doug Melvin at a news conference at the stadium and then trotted around the bases.

Chorizo, also known as "El Picante," will race for the first time on Saturday against the other sausages _ Italian, bratwurst, Polish and hot dog. But that'll be the only time this year he runs in the Klement's Sausage races, which have taken place every home game since 2000.

Chorizo will be put through the grind in the minor league, so he can get some extra seasoning before rejoining the other sausages next season, Melvin said.

Chorizo said through an interpreter his dream has come true.

"I am very humbled to be in the presence of so many world-class wieners, but hopefully I can bring a little something new to the table, and Brewers fans will welcome me into their hearts and grills," Chorizo said in a statement that was read in both English and Spanish.

From left to right: Hot Dog, Italian, Polish and Bratwurst...

... and here's Chorizo!

Holy fuck.

Lance, We Knew Buddy. We Saw On The Line. It's Cool.

2006-07-26T08:57:00.000-07:00

via AP

Lance Bass of `N Sync Reveals He's Gay

NEW YORK - Lance Bass, band member of 'N Sync, says he's gay and in a "very stable" relationship with a reality show star. Bass, who formed 'N Sync with Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick, tells People magazine that he didn't earlier disclose his sexuality because he didn't want to affect the group's popularity.

"I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys' careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay), it would overpower everything," he tells the magazine.

'N Sync is known for a string of hits including "Bye Bye Bye" and "It's Gonna Be Me." The band went on hiatus in 2002. Bass has also found headlines for undertaking astronaut training and failing to raise money for a trip into space.

Bass says he wondered if his coming out could prompt "the end of 'N Sync." He explains, "So I had that weight on me of like, `Wow, if I ever let anyone know, it's bad.' So I just never did."

The singer says he's in a "very stable" relationship with 32-year-old actor Reichen Lehmkuhl, winner of season four of CBS' "Amazing Race."

Bass and Fatone, 29, are developing a sitcom pilot inspired by the screwball comedy "The Odd Couple," in which his character will be gay.

"The thing is, I'm not ashamed _ that's the one thing I went to say," Bass says. "I don't think it's wrong, I'm not devastated going through this. I'm more liberated and happy than I've been my whole life. I'm just happy."

-----------

Speaking of "Lance," here is his hunky bf. That thing looks dangerous!

Super Nerd Bites Robotic Hand That Fed Him

2006-07-25T14:24:00.000-07:00

This so going to be another Paris/Lindsay.

via AP wire

'Jeopardy' Champ Ken Jennings Blasts Show

NEW YORK - "Jeopardy!" ace Ken Jennings, who won $2.5 million during his 74-game winning streak, has a few unkind words to say about the show _ and dapper host Alex Trebek.

"I know, I know, the old folks love him," Jennings writes in a recent posting, titled "Dear Jeopardy!" on his Web site.

"Nobody knows he died in that fiery truck crash a few years back and was immediately replaced with the Trebektron 4000 (I see your engineers still can't get the mustache right, by the way)."

Jennings also takes aim at the show's "effete, left-coast" categories and "same-old" format.

"You're like the Dorian Gray of syndication," he says. "You seem to think `change' means replacing a blue polyethylene backdrop with a slightly different shade of blue polyethylene backdrop every presidential election or so."

A call by The Associated Press to "Jeopardy!" spokesman Jeff Ritter was not immediately returned Tuesday.

Jennings, a software engineer from Salt Lake City, snagged 74 wins on "Jeopardy!" in 2004 before he was beaten by challenger Nancy Zerg.

Trebek, 66, has hosted the show since 1984. In a "correction" posted Monday on his Web site, Jennings offers an apology of sorts.

"We regret the insinuation that Mr. Alex Trebek is a robot, and has been since 2004. Mr. Trebek's robotic frame does still contain some organic parts, many harvested from patriotic Canadian schoolchildren, so this technically makes him a 'cyborg,' not a 'robot.'"

___
On the Net:
http://www.ken-jennings.com

Bum Fuck Indiana Town Never Heard Of Scavenger Hunt

2006-07-21T09:24:00.000-07:00

AP wire

Letter Rs Stolen From Ind. Signs Returned

REENCASTLE, Ind. - Dozens of letter Rs swiped last weekend from several businesses' signs were returned in an R-filled box left outside the Greencastle Police Department.

An officer found the box Thursday on the department's front step, said Police Chief Tom Sutherland.

Sutherland said officers don't know why the letters were taken from the signs of several businesses and the marquee of a National Guard post. Officers plan to dust the box and the letters for fingerprints before returning the Rs to their owners.

The weekend caper targeted signs at gas stations, restaurants, repair shops and medical offices in the city of 10,000 people about 40 miles west of Indianapolis.

"It's very strange," said Greencastle resident Jessi Boller.

Holy Fuck! This Makes That Egg Shit Look Classy.

2006-07-19T11:07:00.000-07:00

via AP wire

US Airways to Place Ads on Sickness Bags

PHOENIX - US Airways wants to make the most out of a nauseating situation. The Tempe, Ariz.-based airline plans to sell advertisements on its air-sickness bags _ those pint-sized expandable envelopes tucked between the in-flight magazines and safety cards.

"They're in every back seat pocket," said spokesman Phil Gee. "We figure while it's there, why don't we make it multipurpose?"

Passengers should see the new, commercialized sickness bags in September, he said.

The ads are just the latest initiative the company has used to squeeze out a bigger profit.

America West, which merged with US Airways last year, had the first advertisements in the industry on tray tables, the first airline gift cards and the first in-flight meals for sale.

"Little things like that work," said Michael Boyd, president of the Boyd Group, an aviation consulting group in Evergreen, Colo. "Barf bags have a lot of shelf life _ people aren't barfing as much in planes as they used to."

The new bags drew a few chuckles among US Airways passengers at the company's hub at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport.

"I would honestly pay no attention to an ad if I got sick," said Nathan Vierra, 19, a student. "But hey, if skateboarders can sell ad space on their T-shirts, I guess why can't an airline sell ads on barf bags?"

US Airways has not decided how much it will charge for the ads, and has only begun negotiating with companies that could be interested, Gee said.

The ads could be for anti-motion sickness medications or other products immediately on the mind of someone who reaches for one of the bags. But Gee said US Airways will look for a wide range of product advertisements to put on its bags.

Boyd said the trick for US Airways is to find ads that will make them a little cash without turning off customers.

"Some people don't want the inside of their cabins to look like subway cars," he said. "And the jury isn't in on advertising on tray tables as a decent way to boost revenue.

"But having an advertisement for a barf bag, especially if it's for something like Dramamine, now that's brilliant."

Even The Devil Is Like "WTF?!" With This One

2006-07-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

Saw this on IMDb. Wow...

No Cracks: CBS Enlists Eggs In Promo Campaign

Hoping to score a little eggstra publicity, CBS has signed a deal with Deerfield, IL-based EggFusion that will put the CBS eye logo and a blurb for its new shows on the shells of eggs sold in grocery stores. EggFusion uses lasers to print sell-by dates and other "On-Egg Messaging" on the eggs. Those for CBS will carry such ads as "CSI: Crack the Case on CBS" and "The Class, New Grade-A CBS Comedy." They are expected to begin showing up in time for the September launch of the new season.

T.O. Continues To Prove He Is A Big Shitty Waste Of My Time

2006-07-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

Owens says he was misquoted in autobiography

This headline almost put me in a logic coma.

Ass Face Frat Boys Soon To Be Able To Text You Their Farts

2006-07-12T14:54:00.000-07:00

via AP

Japanese Gadget Records, Replicates Odor

TOKYO - People stopping to smell the roses can now take that sweet floral fragrance home with them or even send it to a faraway grandmother thanks to a new gadget in Japan that records and replicates the world's odors.

The new device, developed by scientists at the Tokyo Institute of Technology, analyzes smells through 15 sensors, records the odor's recipe in digital format and then reproduces the scent by mixing 96 chemicals and vaporizing the result.

Creator Takamichi Nakamoto says the technology will have applications in food and fragrance industries where companies want to replicate odors. But it could also be a boon for the digital world, allowing smells can be recorded in one place _ by sensors in a mobile phone, for instance _ and transmitted to appreciative noses halfway around the world.

It could also aid online shoppers by letting people check out perfumes or flowers before they buy.

"The sensitivity of the human nose is very good," Nakamoto said. "But to some extent we can replicate the performance."

Nakamoto says his machine, in the works since 1999, is the most advance of its kind in the world, though a similar project is also underway at Keio University, also in Japan.

But so far, the machine is too big to be portable _ it measures about the 1 meter by 3 feet by 2 feet.

Still, the breakthrough follows on the heels of a Japanese smellovision project that synchronized smells to movie scenes. That odorous endeveor was undertaken by NTT Communications Corp. and emitted smells from under seats in two movie theaters to accompany parts of the film "The New World," a Hollywood adventure film.

Nakamoto's smell recorder has successfully recreated a range of fruit smells, including oranges, apples, bananas and lemons, but can be reprogrammed to produce almost any odor _ from old fish to gasoline, he said.

Making the 15 sensor chips, which pick up aromas and convert them to a digital formula, was the hardest part, Nakamoto added.

But the unit's large size is also limitation because the 96 odor-forming chemicals are contained in separate glass bottles. A more compact version, which includes only the sensors, can record smells but must be hooked up to the blender to regenerate them.

"We also want extend the range of smells, and then we can think about commercializing the system," Nakamoto said.

Nakamoto's team of 12 scientists have been collaborating with a Japanese perfume company that produces the raw ingredients for fragrances and with electronics companies interested in the sensor chip technology.

So Balls

2006-06-30T13:48:00.000-07:00

http://www.transformersmovie.com/

Teaser trailer now up.

Boooo.

Today Only! I'm Your Helping Of Comedy!

2006-06-30T09:31:00.000-07:00

The photos Scott Taylor took of me eating way too many free Wendy's Jr. Frostys last year have made their way to the front page of Zug today. Take that middle school guidance counselor!

Superman Returns Is Really Fucking Good

2006-06-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

I will not discuss this film until after the holiday weekend. Just go fucking see it. Amazing. This is Superman III. Superman III and IV are some Elseworlds bullshit. This is now Superman III and it is really, really good. Trust me. Who told you Sin City and Batman Begins were awesome and The Fantastic Four was a bunch of someone else's shit in your mouth and hair? This guy!

I Get It. I'm A Big, Fat Beef Eater.

2006-06-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

Please stop e-mailing me about the $100 FrankenBurger cobbled together from three types of cow. I get it. It's a big yummy meat-gasim in my mouth. I want it's juicy goodness to fill me up right. Let's move on people.

How Am I Addicted To This?

2006-06-20T21:31:00.000-07:00

I blame Betsy. Now I don't sleep.

eLouai's Candybar Doll Maker 2

She... HIT... A Woman. With A... Dead PUPPY!

2006-06-08T20:30:00.000-07:00

And that isn't even the craziest shit.

Karen: Do not read this.

Everyone else: This is horrible and yet. Yet... I can't not chuckle at the visual, a little bit. Not the act. The act is terrible. Definitely. But yet...

Reeeead this.

via AP

Police: Woman Hits Breeder With Chihuahua

ST. PETERS, Mo. - A woman angry that her new puppy had died pushed her way into a dog breeder's home and repeatedly hit her on the head with the dead Chihuahua, authorities said.

The 33-year-old woman told police she had taken the puppy to a veterinarian, who said it was only 4 weeks old and needed to be returned to its mother. But before she could return the puppy, it died.

Early Wednesday, the woman went to the breeder's home, pushed her way inside and began fighting with the breeder as she tried to make her way to the basement to get another puppy, police said.

The breeder wrestled the woman out of her house to the front porch, where the woman then hit the breeder over the head numerous times with the dead puppy, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported, citing police.

As the woman drove away, she waved the dead puppy out of the car's sunroof and yelled threats at the breeder, police said. She later called the breeder and threatened her and her family, according to court records.

Police said they are considering felony burglary charges and misdemeanor assault charges.

-----

Out of the fucking sunroof...

That shit is bananas.

I Am A Whore For That Sweet, Sweet Adult Swim Crack

2006-06-06T15:11:00.000-07:00

Dear Adult Swim,

I hated you when you put on Saved By The Bell. Not because it was not a cartoon. I'm fine with that within the confines of Adult Swim. But it showed such short sighted pop culturism, as opposed to the long-term gold which you usually mine, that I was disgusted. Then you did this. I love you again. Fucking well done.

SK

via ap

Network to Rerun 'Pee-Wee's Playhouse'

LOS ANGELES - After being shuttered for more than 15 years, the doors to "Pee-wee's Playhouse" are being reopened. The Emmy Award-winning show will get new life on the Cartoon Network's Adult Swim lineup, which will air all 45 original episodes beginning July 10, company officials announced Monday.

"I'd say this is a dream come true," actor Paul Reubens said in a statement.

Reubens, 53, created the bow-tie wearing character in 1978 as a member of the L.A.-based comedy troupe, the Groundlings. Known for his big laugh and small suit, Pee-wee gained worldwide fame in 1985 as the star of his own movie, "Pee-wee's Big Adventure," directed by Tim Burton.

The film's success led to "Pee-wee's Playhouse," which originally aired Saturday mornings on CBS beginning in 1986.

In 1991, a year after production wrapped on the final season of "Playhouse," Reubens was arrested in Florida for indecent exposure.

Reubens returned to the big screen with an acclaimed performance in 2001's "Blow."

Here's Some Tennis News We Can All Enjoy!

2006-06-06T14:20:00.000-07:00

Nicole Vaidisova pulled off her second successive upset Tuesday at the French Open, beating Venus Williams 6-7 (5), 6-1, 6-3 to earn her first Grand Slam semifinal berth.

The score was remarkably similar to the 17-year-old Vaidisova's previous match, when she stunned top-ranked Amelie Mauresmo 6-7 (5), 6-1, 6-2.

Oh. Here's a picture.

God damn! Why was I not told about tennis sooner?

There Was Actually A Snake On A Motherfuckin' Plane

2006-06-04T22:21:00.000-07:00

How fucking perfect is that. Just when you forgot about Snakes On A Plane - bam!

via the AP

Pilot Finds Snake Stowaway Inside Cockpit

CHARLESTON, W.Va. - Monty Coles was 3,000 feet in the air when he discovered a stowaway peeking out at him from the plane's instrument panel: a 4 1/2-foot snake.

Coles was taking a leisurely flight over the West Virginia countryside in his Piper Cherokee last weekend and was preparing to land in Ohio when the snake revealed itself.

"Nothing in any of the manuals ever described anything like this," said the 62-year-old Cross Lanes resident.

But advice given 25 years earlier from his flight instructor sprung to mind: "No matter what happens, fly the plane."

Coles attempted to swat the snake but it fell to the pilot's feet, then darted to the other side of the cockpit.

While maintaining control of the single-engine plane with one hand, Coles grabbed the reptile behind its head with his other.

"There was no way I was letting that thing go," he said. "It coiled all around my arm, and its tail grabbed hold of a lever on the floor and started pulling."

The next step was to radio for emergency landing clearance.

"They came back and asked what my problem was," he said. "I told them I had one hand full of snake and the other hand full of plane. They cleared me in."

After a smooth landing, Coles posed for pictures with the snake, then let it loose.

"That snake resides in Ohio now," he said.

Holy Fucking Sweet Hulk Balls In Your Mouth!

2006-05-31T15:26:00.000-07:00

The Picture Makes A Good Case For Evolution...

2006-05-25T19:56:00.000-07:00

...partially.

[click on pic for bigger]

Child Birth As Cheap PR

2006-05-23T08:47:00.000-07:00

What gets you in the papers more than a craptastic baby name nowadays? (I'm looking at you TomKat and GwyChri.)

Here is this gem from the AP Wire. I love celebrities more than dogs love dry humping stuff.

Geri Halliwell Names Baby Bluebell Madonna

LONDON - Former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell has named her baby Bluebell Madonna.

The singer also known as Ginger Spice, 33, told Hello! magazine she'd been inspired by seeing the spring flowers during her pregnancy.

"But what really clinched it for me was my mother telling me that the bluebell is increasingly rare _ so it's precious flower, which seems just right for my daughter," Halliwell was quoted as saying.

Halliwell said she had chosen the middle name in honor of one of her heroines.

"As she came out of my tummy, Bluebell had both arms flung wide in the air as if announcing to the world, `Hi! I'm here!'" the magazine quoted Halliwell as saying.

"She was screaming her head off, as though she was shouting, `Hello, Wembley!' No one else has that name, apart from the Virgin Madonna and the singer, whom I love."

The baby was born May 14 at London's Portland Hospital weighing 5 lbs 12 ounces.

In the Hello! interview, Halliwell made no mention of the baby's father. He is reportedly Hollywood scriptwriter Sacha Gervasi, 40.

Now That Is A Fucking Headline!

2006-05-16T09:20:00.000-07:00

via AP wire

Bears Eat Monkey in Front of Zoo Visitors

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - Bears killed and ate a monkey in a Dutch zoo in front of horrified visitors, witnesses and the zoo said Monday. In the incident Sunday at the Beekse Bergen Safari Park, several Sloth bears chased the Barbary macaque into an electric fence, where it was stunned.

It recovered and fled onto a wooden structure, where one bear pursued and mauled it to death.

The park confirmed the killing in a statement, saying: "In an area where Sloth bears, great apes and Barbary macaques have coexisted peacefully for a long time, the harmony was temporarily disturbed during opening hours on Sunday."

"Of course the habitats here in the safari park are arranged in such a way that one animal almost never kills another, but they are and remain wild animals," it said.

Witness Marco Berelds posted a detailed report on the incident, including photos, on a Dutch Web site. He said one Sloth bear tried unsuccessfully to shake the monkey loose after it took refuge on the structure, built of crossing horizontal and vertical poles.

Ignoring attempts by keepers to distract it, the bear climbed onto a horizontal pole, and, standing stretched on two legs, "used its sharp canines to pull the macaque, which was shrieking and resisting, from its perch."

The bear then brought the animal to a concrete den, where three bears ate it.

The zoo said it "usually wasn't possible" for keepers to intervene when an animal killed another.

The park plans now to move the Barbary macaques _ which are large monkeys but often inaccurately called "Barbary Apes" _ to another part of the park, it said.

http://www.advergraphics.nl/beeksebergen/Beer_vs_Aap.pdf

Somebody Owes Me Some God Damn Money

2006-05-14T01:50:00.000-07:00

7-11 is now selling the P'EatZZa Sandwich. Which is, of course, two slices of pizza with lunch meat and lettuce sandwiched between the two unpizza-ey sides of said slices. Anyone who knows me knows that that shit is my thing. It's called the Reverse Pizza Sandwich and it is delicious.

I want money.

Or at least a couple free P'EatZZa Sandwiches. That's just some fucking courtesy, you know.

God that looks fucking tasty. I would destroy your dreams to have it in my mouth right now.

Paris Hilton Continues To Be The Worst Thing In The World

2006-05-12T09:26:00.000-07:00

via Associated Press

Hilton Causes Stir at Video Game Expo

LOS ANGELES - Paris Hilton unveiled her new video game on Thursday, but inexplicably called it by the wrong name as she greeted throngs of fans and photographers.

Wearing a green minidress and red platform pumps, Hilton made a brief appearance at the Electronic Entertainment Expo to promote "Paris Hilton's Jewel Jam."

"Sorry I'm late," the heiress said. "I'm really excited to have my new video game, 'Diamondquest.' Thank you all for coming, and you can download the game," she said.

After Hilton arrived, men in business suits jockeyed for space with reporters and computer geeks as she sat at a table posing for photographers while signing autographs.

Her game, which can be played on a cell phone, will be available this summer. Video game maker Gameloft will produce a series of video games with Hilton.

The expo at the Los Angeles Convention Center showcases the latest innovations in the video game industry.

------

I wish my job was being the guy standing in the background going "Diamondquest? Diamondquest?! It's Jewel Jam you stupid bitch!"

DOAX2 Video Makes Me Hard

2006-05-11T11:38:00.000-07:00

If I were Donkey Kong I would ape rape all of these girls.

DOAX2

I Wouldn't Drink This With My Mouth

2006-05-09T13:18:00.000-07:00

No sir.

Are You Fucking Kidding Me With This Shit

2006-05-05T14:27:00.000-07:00

Madonna stars with six Andalusian stallions in a 58-page photo spread in W magazine's June issue, on newsstands May 19.

What the fuck?! Seriously. 58 fucking pages.

Boo!

Star Fucker Results

2006-04-29T08:51:00.000-07:00

I have a wonderful girlfriend who makes me very, very happy. But I guess it's good to know if she ever sobers up and gets a good look at me, there are celebrities out there who I am compatible with. I wonder if they are on the computer somewhere seeing what shlub is their best fit.

Your Celebrity Match is: Sheryl Swoopes
Born: March 25, 1971
Dominates the basketball court. Helped the USA team to Olympic victory. Also dominates the WNBA (Women's National Basketball Association).

Your next closest matches were:

Nicole Kidman
Ashley Judd
Mia Hamm

Now if I were gay...

Your Celebrity Match is: Johnny Depp
Born: June 9, 1963
Actor Johnny Depp is famous for his roles in Edward Scissorhands, Sleepy Hollow, and Nick of Time.

Your next closest matches were:

Samuel L. Jackson
John Travolta
Dave Matthews

Hmmmmm. Tough call...

Texans Read My Blog

2006-04-28T22:33:00.000-07:00

Well obviously. Why else the last second change of heart and selection of Mario Williams? Must have read my expert analysis and realized they already had two guys who could run and zero guys who could tackle.

This Place Is The God Bomb!

2006-04-28T15:02:00.000-07:00

http://www.christian-t-shirt.com/

I Think This Is So Hot

2006-04-28T10:43:00.000-07:00

via Associated Press

Marlee Matlin Joining 'The L Word'

NEW YORK - Marlee Matlin is joining the cast of "The L Word," Showtime's drama about a circle of gay friends and lovers who move in the trendiest of L.A. circles.

The 40-year-old actress will play "a fiery artist who catches the attention of Jennifer Beals' character, Bette Porter," the cable network announced Friday.

Matlin won an Oscar for her portrayal of a deaf student in 1986's "Children of a Lesser God." Her TV credits include a recurring role on NBC's "The West Wing."

Showtime said the fourth season of the series will premiere early next year.

The ensemble cast also includes Pam Grier, Laurel Holloman, Mia Kirshner, Katherine Moennig, Leisha Hailey, Rachel Shelley and Daniela Sea.

My Dream Of Owning "The Homer" Is Still Alive!

2006-04-27T10:54:00.000-07:00

via moviepoopshoot.com

DEARBORN, Mich. - If singing, cooking and clothing design can sell as reality TV, why not designing dream cars?

Ford Motor Co., a sponsor of Fox's "American Idol" reality show, is planning its own television reality program in which the participants develop concept cars with Ford designers, the Detroit News reported in Thursday editions.

Ford showed a promotional video about the program at a dealer's meeting Wednesday and is working on lining up a network, the newspaper said.

"It's a very cool idea," said analyst Jim Sanfilippo of Automotive Marketing Consultants Inc., who called it a good way to convey Ford's message to the buying public. "It's a way to engage the audience in a way that they can identify it."

Last week, the nation's No. 2 automaker reported a $1.2 billion loss for its first quarter as it began a costly restructuring effort amid weak U.S. sales. The company's U.S. sales fell 3 percent for the January-March period, though its worldwide sales were up 3 percent from a year earlier.

My Super Bad Ass Mock Draft [patent pending]

2006-04-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

Here's how I think Saturday's first round will go. Please note, while I think there will be trades, I kept the current draft order intact for simplicity's sake.

1. Houston: Reggie Bush, RB, USC
Reggie Bush has the most talent in this draft. But, I personally believe Mario Williams should be the pick here. I think the combo of Domanick Davis and Johnathan Wells are a great fit for the system Gary Kubiak is bringing to Houston. And a lot of what made Bush so dangerous in college was his return ability, and I’m fairly certain the Texans will not let their top pick field punts or kick offs. But there is no getting around the fact that Bush is a once in a decade talent who is capable of scoring every time he touches the ball. He will sell tickets and win games. But Houston isn’t going anywhere near the Super Bowl until they learn to stop teams on D.

2. New Orleans: D'Brickashaw Ferguson, OT, Virginia
I think there is a very, very good chance of a trade here. (See N.Y. Jets and Oakland) But, if New Orleans stands pat, I think they take the big man out of Charlottesville. There has been talk that New Orleans has been considering moving last year’s #1, Jammal Brown, to LT to replace the recently traded Wayne Gandy. No way. They keep Brown on the right side and plug Ferguson in on the left to create dominant bookends to protect newly acquired (and somewhat brittle) QB Drew Brees.

3. Tennessee: Matt Leinart, QB, USC
I just can’t tell right now. This almost makes too much sense. But word is Leinart’s old USC mentor and current Tennessee Offensive Coordinator Norm Chow, along with the rest of the coaching staff, are facing an uphill battle with GM Floyd Reese. Reese seems to think Vince Young’s potential is much greater, despite Leinart’s plug n’ play potential in this system. Personally, I think this is a smoke screen to keep the Jets from moving up to 2 to grab Leinart. But considering how they’ve recently handled the Steve McNair situation, as well as completely ignoring the potential of Billy Volek, anything is possible here when it comes to picking a QB.

4. N.Y. Jets: Mario Williams, DE, N.C. State
The Jets seem enamored with Matt Leinart, but I think new head coach Eric Mangini, the Patriots former defensive coordinator, knows that Super Bowls are won with dominating D. (Plus they may trade up with their second pick this round to try to grab Jay Cutler.) Williams will fill the Richard Seymour-role in Mangini’s revamped 3-4 defense he plans to implement in New York.

5. Green Bay: A.J. Hawk, OLB, Ohio State
With Brett Farve coming back, some are thinking offense here, like Vernon Davis. But after missing out on LeVar Arrington, the Packers find a perfect replacement for the departed Na'il Diggs. Hawk is the best outside linebacker prospect and a big NEED pick here for Green Bay.

6. San Francisco: San Francisco: Vernon Davis, TE, Maryland
San Francisco’s defense is horrible! And they lost standout OLB Julian Peterson to the Seahawks. If Green Bay opts for Davis, they will jump on Hawk, but otherwise Davis’ potential is too great to pass up. The 49ers need to surround Alex Smith with weapons. Davis is a match-up nightmare and could easily become Smith’s top target.

7. Oakland: Vince Young, QB, Texas
Okay. Try to follow. If the Raiders believe the Titans are seriously considering Vince Young, they may try to beat the Jets to the Saints pick to get him. But they have less fire power in trade than the Jets could offer, so if the Jets do trade, they may contact the Titans to move down, which the Titans wouldn’t do, since they would take Young and the Raiders would stay here and select Jay Cutler. But with none of that happening, Oakland can just sit tight right here and have Young fall in their laps. It all hinges on what the Jets do.

8. Buffalo: Brodrick Bunkley, DT, Florida State
Buffalo has tons of holes and may try to trade down for extra picks. If not, Bunkley will be the pick here, getting the nod over Haloti Ngata. The Bills have been fairly open with the fact that they are looking at defensive tackle with this pick and Bunkley seems the best fit for Dick Jauron's defensive scheme.

9. Detroit: Michael Huff, DB, Texas
I hope this pick takes thirty seconds, otherwise we will have to deal with oh so clever jokes about the Lions picking another WR in this spot. Ha ha. We get it. The Lions are idiots. Too easy guys. Anyway, I’m listing Huff here as a DB because I don’t know if they will play him at cornerback or try him as a Polamalu-like safety. Either way, Rod Marinelli is going to love this guy.

10. Arizona: Jay Cutler, QB, Vanderbilt
This is where it starts getting tricky. Arizona could go several ways with this pick (including trading down, possibly to Minnesota) but I think they will keep the pick and grab Cutler to study under the rapidly aging Kurt Warner.

11. St. Louis: Jimmy Williams, DB, Virginia Tech
Williams is another CB-S tweener that I’m going to simply list as DB, though I think they will defiantly try to fit him in at the corner, despite being best suited as a nickel back or free safety. He has a bit of an attitude problem, a recent trend with Va. Tech players, so defensive coordinator Jim Haslett will have his hands full.

12. Cleveland: Haloti Ngata, DT, Oregon
Great player. Great value. Ngata can play end or tackle in the Browns 3-4 defense and will become a star.

13. Baltimore: Winston Justice, OT, USC
They will be tempted by Peter Boulware clone Kamerion Wimbley, but will opt for this massive tackle. He will most likely start out on the right side before eventually shifting to the left once Jonathan Ogden retires (or is released).

14. Philadelphia: Chad Jackson, WR, Florida
I think they will trade down, eyeing center Nick Mangold, who can be had at the bottom of round 1. If they stay, they will likely take the top receiver available (and send Denver scrambling). Florida receivers do not have a great track record in the NFL as a whole, but Jackson should be a solid West Coast wide out.

15. Denver: Laurence Maroney, RB, Minnesota
Philly’s Jackson pick closes one door and opens another, more surprising one. Maroney is a great fit for this system which makes average backs good, and good backs, like Maroney, great. Plus, this keeps Maroney out of the Colts hands, which is also advantageous to the Broncos as they eye another deep playoff run. Note: If Denver trades for Javon Walker in the next few days, this pick is a near lock.

16. Miami: Tye Hill, CB, Clemson
They could go receiver or linebacker here, but despite the acquisition of Will Allen in the off-season, Miami still lacks a real playmaker to pair with emerging star Travis Daniels.

17. Minnesota: Ernie Sims, OLB, Florida State
If they stay here, they are going outside linebacker. Sims is a better fit for the Vikings 4-3 system than Seminole teammate Kamerion Wimbley and N.C. State workout warrior Manny Lawson.

18. Dallas: Kamerion Wimbley, OLB/DE, Florida State
He will play outside linebacker in Dallas and pair with DeMarcus Ware to give Bill Parcells his most potent pass rushing bookends since his run with the Giants.

19. San Diego: Johnathan Joseph, CB, South Carolina
The Chargers need a corner that can step in and play immediately. While FSU corner Antonio Cromartie has more potential, Joseph is more NFL-ready coming out of school.

20. Kansas City: Antonio Cromartie, CB, Florida State
With Eric Warfield and Dexter McCleon both gone, corner is a definite NEED pick here. Cromartie has a history of injury, but his workouts have been off the cart.

21. New England: Bobby Carpenter, OLB, Ohio State
Carpenter gets the nod over Chad Greenway here, but it’s a real toss up. Both are great fits for the Patriots D and are definite Belichick-types. Carpenter is a little bigger and the Pats have had success with former Buckeye product Mike Vrabel.

22. San Francisco: Manny Lawson, OLB, N.C. State
They REALLY need a linebacker to replace Julian Peterson (not to mention Andre Carter), but I can’t help but think they may go with either Santonio Holmes or DeAngelo Williams here. But with no second round pick, the 49ers have no room to mess around. They traded up to this spot with the hopes that one of the top outside linebackers would be available, and find several still on the board. Lawson gets chosen over Greenway due to much better pre-draft workouts.

23. Tampa Bay: Santonio Holmes, WR, Ohio State
The Bucs could go several directions with this pick, but Holmes is too much value at this point to pass up. He gives Chris Simms a real home run threat in the passing game.

24. Cincinnati: Chad Greenway, OLB, Iowa
Greenway slips due to poor workouts, but Marvin Lewis won’t let this talented of a defender get past him. If he IS gone before this (and none of the previously “selected” defenders are left), look for Nick Mangold in this spot.

25. N.Y. Giants: Eric Winston, OT, Miami
There are some concerns about Winston’s health and wingspan, but he was very productive at Miami and can play either tackle position. Becomes a need pick once the Giants watch Dallas grab Wimbley.

26. Chicago: Ashton Youboty, CB, Ohio State
The Bears need to address the main weakness on their otherwise impressive defense. Youboty may not be an immediate starter, but is a great fit for the Bears Cover 2 scheme.

27. Carolina: DeMeco Ryans, OLB, Alabama
LenDale White will be a consideration here, but with his hamstring tear, I think the Panthers will pass given their history with injured running backs. Ryans will be a good fit in Will Witherspoon’s old weak side linebacker spot.

28. Jacksonville: Thomas Howard, OLB, Texas-El Paso
They will consider a TE here, most likely Marcedes Lewis, but will opt to fill a hole with the final top-tier outside linebacker available. Howard will challenge in camp for the open strong side spot vacated by Akin Ayodele.

29. N.Y. Jets: DeAngelo Williams, RB, Memphis
Great fit for the Jets. Nick Mangold will be hard to pass up here, but the Jets may bank on Pittsburgh leaping on LenDale White if he gets past the Colts. Curtis Martin’s career is definitely in its twilight, and Williams has the talent to be special.

30. Indianapolis: LenDale White, RB, USC
That sound you heard was Pittsburgh smashing stuff. The Colts wanted Maroney, badly, but the Broncos spoiled that idea. They may consider trading down into the top of the second round to select LSU’s Joseph Addai, or even staying here to take him, though he would be a reach this high. OLB is also a need, but obviously that category was picked clean, which leaves the Colts in an interesting position if they stay in this spot. If the draft falls as I’ve predicted, and the Colts do pick at 30, I think they take a chance on White who, if he recovers and plays they way he did at USC, will fill Edgerrin James' shoes quite nicely.

31. Seattle: Donte Whitner, S, Ohio State
The Seahawks lack of depth at safety killed them during the Super Bowl. Whitner gets the nod over Tennessee’s Jason Allen on the strength of his superior man-to-man coverage skills.

32. Pittsburgh: Nick Mangold, C, Ohio State
Most people list the Steelers needs as free safety, a big, short yardage/goal line back, and a WR/QB/return specialist. Free safety can be addressed in round 2, as players like Jason Allen, Darnell Bing and Ko Simpson are still on the board. As for a big back, the Steelers would consider White if he fell, but otherwise feel comfortable with Duce Staley, though they could look at someone like Gerald Riggs, Jr. on day 2. As for the hole left by the departed Antwaan Randle El, the Steelers will give quite a bit of consideration to players like Penn State’s Michael Robinson and Texas A&M’s Reggie McNeal in the 3rd or 4th round, but a speedster like Sinorice Moss seems an unlikely choice in this spot. So in the end, Mangold will be the pick, as he is just too good to pass up at this point in the draft. Starter Jeff Hartings has two bad knees and is nearing the end of his career, while back-up Chucky Okobi, though capable, is not in Mangold’s league.

Karl Pilkington Will Not Be Pleased

2006-04-26T11:28:00.000-07:00

via Associated Press

English Language Hits 1 Billion Words

LONDON - A massive language research database responsible for bringing words such as "podcast" and "celebutante" to the pages of the Oxford dictionaries has officially hit a total of 1 billion words, researchers said Wednesday.

Drawing on sources such as weblogs, chatrooms, newspapers, magazines and fiction, the Oxford English Corpus spots emerging trends in language usage to help guide lexicographers when composing the most recent editions of dictionaries.

The press publishes the Oxford English Dictionary, considered the most comprehensive dictionary of the language, which in its most recent August 2005 edition added words such as "supersize," "wiki" and "retail politics" to its pages.

Oxford University Press lexicographer Catherine Soanes said the database is not a collection of 1 billion different words, but of sentences and other examples of the usage and spelling.

"The corpus is purely 21st century English," said Judy Pearsall, publishing manager of English dictionaries. "You're looking at current English and seeing what's happening right now. That's language at the cutting edge."

As hybrid words such as "geek-chic," "inner-child" or "gabfest" increase in usage, Pearsall said part of the research project's goal is to identify words that have lasting power.

"English gets really creative, really fun. What we're putting in dictionaries is words that will stick around," she said.

Launched in January 2000, the Oxford English Corpus is part of the world's largest-funded language research project, costing $90,000-$107,000 per year.

It has helped identify how the spellings of common phrases have changed, such as "fazed by" to "phased by" or "free rein" to "free reign."

"Buck naked" increasingly has evolved to "butt naked."

The corpus collects evidence from all the places where English is spoken, whether from North America, Britain, the Caribbean, Australia or India, to reflect the most current and common usage of the English language.

___

On the Net:

Oxford Corpus, http://www.askoxford.com/oec

"Shawn Crack" Now Legal

2006-04-24T12:56:00.000-07:00

via AP Wire

NFL Network will re-air four games per week

NEW YORK -- NFL games will be replayed in a 90-minute format on NFL Network during the upcoming season.

In the past, the league didn't allow full rebroadcasts. But beginning Tuesday, Sept. 12, "NFL Game Re-Airs'' will feature four of the best matchups from the previous weekend. Eliminated will be halftime and, according to a league announcement, "other elements not critical to the outcome.''

But additional features, such as sideline and on-field sound captured during the game and postgame news conference sound bites will be interspersed within the broadcast. There also will be camera shots and angles from NFL Films that differ from those on the original telecast.

"Fans have been asking us for years about encore presentations of our games,'' said Charles Coplin, NFL Network's vice president of programming. "For NFL Network, these rights are as significant as securing the new Thursday-Saturday prime-time game package.''

Two games will be shown each Tuesday and Wednesday night. Games shot in high definition will re-air in HD. Which games will be re-aired will be announced Mondays.

It will be the first time in league history that games from the NFL regular-season or playoffs will be shown outside their live window. The network expects to show 75 replays altogether.

Fucker Stole My Move

2006-04-20T14:34:00.000-07:00

via Reuters

Phony Florida doctor gives free breast exams

MIAMI (Reuters) - A 76-year-old man claiming to be a doctor went door-to-door in a Florida neighborhood offering free breast exams, and was charged with sexually assaulting two women who accepted the offer, police said Thursday.

One woman became suspicious after the man asked her to remove all her clothes and began conducting a purported genital exam without donning rubber gloves, investigators said.

The woman then phoned the Broward County Sheriff's Office and the suspect fled. He was arrested at another woman's apartment in the same Lauderdale Lakes neighborhood on Wednesday, a sheriff's spokesman said.

The white-haired suspect, Philip Winikoff, carried a black bag and claimed to be visiting on behalf of a local hospital.

"He told the woman that he was in the neighborhood offering free breast exams," sheriff's spokesman Hugh Graf said in a statement.

At least two women, both in their 30s, let him into their homes and he fondled and sexually assaulted them, the investigators said.

Winikoff was not a doctor, Graf said. He worked as a shuttle driver for an auto dealership.

Madonna Has Big Huge Elephant Balls

2006-04-18T09:55:00.000-07:00

via IMDb

Madonna Tour To Feature Disco Crucifix?

Pop star Madonna is having a massive "disco-fied" crucifix made as one of the centerpieces for her upcoming tour. The singer has raised eyebrows before with her controversial use of religious images and now she'll shock again with the flashing cross. A source claims Madonna will descend to the stage on the glittering disco-ball crucifix, covered with diamonds and Swarovski crystals. The ball is rumored to cost $10 million, and is being constructed at a well-guarded airplane hangar in Los Angeles for her Confession On A Dance Floor tour. According to the source, "It'll create a blinding light, like she's landing on the spaceship from E.T."

-----

Oh Madonna. WWED? What would Ester do?

Fuck You Affleck! Not Every Film You Make Is Gold Either!

2006-04-11T11:03:00.000-07:00

No shame. No regrets.

Freddie Got Fingered Dissed Again

2006-04-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

The Writers Guild Of America has released it's Top 101 screenplays of all time. Hard to argue with most of these. There are a few flicks I would have liked to have seen in (NOT the one listed in my headline. I would rather suck on balls.) and a few that I personally feel are shite. But overall, yeah, not bad.

1
CASABLANCA
Screenplay by Julius J. & Philip G. Epstein and Howard Koch. Based on the play "Everybody Comes to Rick's" by Murray Burnett and Joan Alison.

2
THE GODFATHER
Screenplay by Mario Puzo and Francis Ford Coppola. Based on the novel by Mario Puzo.

3
CHINATOWN
Written by Robert Towne

4
CITIZEN KANE
Written by Herman Mankiewicz and Orson Welles

5
ALL ABOUT EVE
Screenplay by Joseph L. Mankiewicz. Based on "The Wisdom of Eve," a short story and radio play by Mary Orr

6
ANNIE HALL
Written by Woody Allen and Marshall Brickman

7
SUNSET BLVD.
Written by Charles Brackett & Billy Wilder and D.M. Marshman Jr.

8
NETWORK
Written by Paddy Chayefsky

9
SOME LIKE IT HOT
Screenplay by Billy Wilder & I.A.L. Diamond. Based on "Fanfare of Love," a German film written by Robert Thoeren and M. Logan

10
THE GODFATHER II
Screenplay by Francis Ford Coppola and Mario Puzo. Based on Mario Puzo's novel "The Godfather"

11
BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID
Written by William Goldman

12
DR. STRANGELOVE
Screenplay by Stanley Kubrick and Peter George and Terry Southern. Based on novel "Red Alert" by Peter George

13
THE GRADUATE
Screenplay by Calder Willingham and Buck Henry. Based on the novel by Charles Webb

14
LAWRENCE OF ARABIA
Screenplay by Robert Bolt and Michael Wilson. Based on the life and writings of Col. T.E. Lawrence

15
THE APARTMENT
Written by Billy Wilder & I.A.L. Diamond

16
PULP FICTION
Written by Quentin Tarantino. Stories by Quentin Tarantino & Roger Avary

17
TOOTSIE
Screenplay by Larry Gelbart and Murray Schisgal. Story by Don McGuire and Larry Gelbart

18
ON THE WATERFRONT
Screen Story and Screenplay by Budd Schulberg. Based on "Crime on the Waterfront" articles by Malcolm Johnson

19
TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD
Screenplay by Horton Foote. Based on the novel by Harper Lee.

20
IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE
Screenplay by Frances Goodrich & Albert Hackett & Frank Capra. Based on short story "The Greatest Gift" by Philip Van Doren Stern. Contributions to screenplay Michael Wilson and Jo Swerling

21
NORTH BY NORTHWEST
Written by Ernest Lehman

22
THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION
Screenplay by Frank Darabont. Based on the short story "Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption" by Stephen King

23
GONE WITH THE WIND
Screenplay by Sidney Howard. Based on the novel by Margaret Mitchell

24
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND
Screenplay by Charlie Kaufman. Story by Charlie Kaufman & Michel Gondry & Pierre Bismuth.

25
THE WIZARD OF OZ
Screenplay by Noel Langley and Florence Ryerson and Edgar Allan Woolf. Adaptation by Noel Langley. Based on the novel by L. Frank Baum

26
DOUBLE INDEMNITY
Screenplay by Billy Wilder and Raymond Chandler. Based on the novel by James M. Cain

27
GROUNDHOG DAY
Screenplay by Danny Rubin and Harold Ramis. Story by Danny Rubin.

28
SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE
Written by Marc Norman and Tom Stoppard

29
SULLIVAN'S TRAVELS
Written by Preston Sturges

30
UNFORGIVEN
Written by David Webb Peoples

31
HIS GIRL FRIDAY
Screenplay by Charles Lederer. Based on the play "The Front Page" by Ben Hecht & Charles MacArthur

32
FARGO
Written by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen

33
THE THIRD MAN
Screenplay by Graham Greene. Story by Graham Greene. Based on the short story by Graham Greene.

34
THE SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS
Screenplay by Clifford Odets and Ernest Lehman. From a novelette by Ernest Lehman

35
THE USUAL SUSPECTS
Written by Christopher McQuarrie

36
MIDNIGHT COWBOY
Screenplay by Waldo Salt. Based on the novel by James Leo Herlihy

37
THE PHILADELPHIA STORY
Screenplay by Donald Ogden Stewart. Based on the play by Philip Barry

38
AMERICAN BEAUTY
Written by Alan Ball

39
THE STING
Written by David S. Ward

40
WHEN HARRY MET SALLY
Written by Nora Ephron

41
GOODFELLAS
Screenplay by Nicholas Pileggi & Martin Scorsese. Based on book "Wise Guy" by Nicholas Pileggi.

42
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK
Screenplay by Lawrence Kasdan. Story by George Lucas and Philip Kaufman

43
TAXI DRIVER
Written by Paul Schrader

44
THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES
Screenplay by Robert E. Sherwood. Based on novel "Glory For Me" by MacKinley Kantor

45
ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST
Screenplay by Lawrence Hauben and Bo Goldman. Based on the novel by Ken Kesey

46
THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE
Screenplay by John Huston. Based on the novel by B. Traven

47
THE MALTESE FALCON
Screenplay by John Huston. Based on the novel by Dashiell Hammett

48
THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI
Screenplay by Carl Foreman and Michael Wilson. Based on the novel by Pierre Boulle

49
SCHINDLER'S LIST
Screenplay by Steven Zaillian. Based on the novel by Thomas Keneally

50
THE SIXTH SENSE
Written by M. Night Shyamalan

51
BROADCAST NEWS
Written by James L. Brooks

52
THE LADY EVE
Screenplay by Preston Sturges. Story by Monckton Hoffe

53
ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN
Screenplay by William Goldman. Based on the book by Carl Bernstein & Bob Woodward

54
MANHATTAN
Written by Woody Allen & Marshall Brickman

55
APOCALYPSE NOW
Written by John Milius and Francis Coppola. Narration by Michael Herr

56
BACK TO THE FUTURE
Written by Robert Zemeckis & Bob Gale

57
CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS
Written by Woody Allen

58
ORDINARY PEOPLE
Screenplay by Alvin Sargent. Based on the novel by Judith Guest

59
IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT
Screenplay by Robert Riskin. Based on the story "Night Bus" by Samuel Hopkins Adams

60
L.A. CONFIDENTIAL
Screenplay by Brian Helgeland & Curtis Hanson. Based on the novel by James Ellroy

61
THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
Screenplay by Ted Tally. Based on the novel by Thomas Harris

62
MOONSTRUCK
Written by John Patrick Shanley

63
JAWS
Screenplay by Peter Benchley and Carl Gottlieb. Based on the novel by Peter Benchley

64
TERMS OF ENDEARMENT
Screenplay by James L. Brooks. Based on the novel by Larry McMurtry

65
SINGIN' IN THE RAIN
Screen Story and Screenplay by Betty Comden & Adolph Green. Based on the song by Arthur Freed and Nacio Herb Brown

66
JERRY MAGUIRE
Written by Cameron Crowe

67
E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL
Written by Melissa Mathison

68
STAR WARS
Written by George Lucas

69
DOG DAY AFTERNOON
Screenplay by Frank Pierson. Based on a magazine article by P.F. Kluge and Thomas Moore

70
THE AFRICAN QUEEN
Screenplay by James Agee and John Huston. Based on the novel by C.S. Forester

71
THE LION IN WINTER
Screenplay by James Goldman. Based on the play by James Goldman

72
THELMA & LOUISE
Written by Callie Khouri

73
AMADEUS
Screenplay by Peter Shaffer. Based on his play.

74
BEING JOHN MALKOVICH
Written by Charlie Kaufman

75
HIGH NOON
Screenplay by Carl Foreman. Based on short story "The Tin Star" by John W. Cunningham

76
RAGING BULL
Screenplay by Paul Schrader and Mardik Martin. Based on the book by Jake La Motta with Joseph Carter and Peter Savage

77
ADAPTATION
Screenplay by Charlie Kaufman and Donald Kaufman. Based on the book "The Orchid Thief" by Susan Orlean

78
ROCKY
Written by Sylvester Stallone

79
THE PRODUCERS
Written by Mel Brooks

80
WITNESS
Screenplay by Earl W. Wallace & William Kelley. Story by William Kelley and Pamela Wallace & Earl W. Wallace

81
BEING THERE
Screenplay by Jerzy Kosinski. Inspired by the novel by Jerzy Kosinski

82
COOL HAND LUKE
Screenplay by Donn Pearce and Frank Pierson. Based on the novel by Donn Pearce.

83
REAR WINDOW
Screenplay by John Michael Hayes. Based on the short story by Cornell Woolrich

84
THE PRINCESS BRIDE
Screenplay by William Goldman. Based on his novel.

85
LA GRANDE ILLUSION
Written by Jean Renoir and Charles Spaak

86
HAROLD & MAUDE
Written by Colin Higgins

87
8 1/2
Screenplay by Federico Fellini, Tullio Pinelli, Ennio Flaiano, Brunello Rondi. Story by Fellini, Flaiano.

88
FIELD OF DREAMS
Screenplay by Phil Alden Robinson. Based on the book by W.P. Kinsella

89
FORREST GUMP
Screenplay by Eric Roth. Based on the novel by Winston Groom

90
SIDEWAYS
Screenplay by Alexander Payne & Jim Taylor. Based on the novel by Rex Pickett

91
THE VERDICT
Screenplay by David Mamet. Based on the novel by Barry Reed

92
PSYCHO
Screenplay by Joseph Stefano. Based on the novel by Robert Bloch

93
DO THE RIGHT THING
Written by Spike Lee

94
PATTON
Screen Story and Screenplay by Francis Ford Coppola and Edmund H. North. Based on "A Soldier's Story" by Omar H. Bradley and "Patton: Ordeal and Triumph" by Ladislas Farago

95
HANNAH AND HER SISTERS
Written by Woody Allen

96
THE HUSTLER
Screenplay by Sidney Carroll & Robert Rossen. Based on the novel by Walter Tevis

97
THE SEARCHERS
Screenplay by Frank S. Nugent. Based on the novel by Alan Le May

98
THE GRAPES OF WRATH
Screenplay by Nunnally Johnson. Based on the novel by John Steinbeck

99
THE WILD BUNCH
Screenplay by Walon Green and Sam Peckinpah. Story by Walon Green and Roy Sickner

100
MEMENTO
Screenplay by Christopher Nolan. Based on the short story "Memento Mori" by Jonathan Nolan

101
NOTORIOUS
Written by Ben Hecht

Nobody Plan A Birthday Party For July 27th Next Year

2006-04-03T11:45:00.000-07:00

I'm looking at you Pete Yorn and Triple H.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/thesimpsonsmovie/teaser/

I Want It So Bad!

2006-03-31T10:21:00.000-08:00

The DVD player. Not... you know... with the girls. Because I'm in love.

But back in the day... totally.

via AP Wire

Toshiba Starts Selling High-Def DVD Player

Toshiba Starts Selling Next-Generation DVD Player in Japan, Beating Rivals in Format War

TOKYO Mar 31, 2006 (AP)— Toshiba began selling the first players using the next-generation HD DVD video format Friday, beating the rival Blu-ray disc format to market in a high-stakes competition to deliver theater-quality movies to living rooms.

Japanese electronics maker Toshiba Corp. said its HD-XA1, priced at about 110,000 yen ($936) is the world's first commercially available HD DVD player. The product, which has no recording function, is being promised for the United States in April at about $799.

The HD DVD format, also backed by NEC Corp. of Japan, competes against the Blu-ray disc format, supported by Matsushita Electric Industrial Co., which makes Panasonic brand products, and Sony Corp.

Both can deliver dazzling high-definition video and can store much more data than today's DVDs, but are incompatible.

Sony has said it will start selling Blu-ray disc DVD players in the United States in the summer but has not announced a date for Japan sales.

Sony recently postponed until November the sale of its PlayStation 3 video game console, which runs Blu-ray discs and was initially promised for spring. Prices have not been announced.

Matsushita has said its first Blu-ray disc player will be available in the United States in September but has not given a date for when it will sell in Japan. The Osaka-based manufacturer said the price was undecided but will be under $1,500.

HD DVD movies are expected to gradually go on sale starting in April in Japan, including "Finding Neverland," Toshiba said, but the selection is initially even more limited than the titles now being promised for the United States. Films available on next-generation video are expected to grow.

HD DVD is backed by Universal Studios and Warner Bros. as well as Intel Corp. and Microsoft Corp. Blu-ray disc is backed by Sony Pictures Entertainment, Twentieth Century Fox, Apple Computer Inc., Hewlett-Packard Co. and Dell Inc.

Experts say loyalty to either technology among Hollywood studios is likely to be thin, and studios are expected to come out with content for whichever format proves popular.

Toshiba is promising a cheaper HD DVD player for the U.S. market at $499, but won't offer it in Japan because of the different nature of the markets, the Tokyo-based company said.

Toshiba shares, which have risen in recent months after languishing at 400 yen ($3) levels about a year ago, closed up 1.03 percent at 684 yen ($5.80) shortly after the latest gadgets were shown to Tokyo reporters.

Gotta Get 'Em All!!!

2006-03-29T11:45:00.000-08:00

Book list here:

http://www.freecomicbookday.com/sponsors.asp

I Have A New God

2006-03-26T09:47:00.000-08:00

And his name is God!

http://www.thebricktestament.com/

I Can't Wait To Watch The "Making Of" Featurette When This Season's DVD Set Comes Out In 2023

2006-03-24T08:25:00.000-08:00

via Associated Press

'The Simpsons' to Show Live-Action Opening

NEW YORK - Ever wonder what Bart Simpson would look like in human form? The longrunning animated Fox series "The Simpsons" is about to show you. The series will unveil a live-action opening sequence Sunday, 8 p.m. EST, a Fox spokeswoman announced Thursday.

In it, the dysfunctional cartoon family _ Bart, Homer, Marge, Lisa and Maggie _ will be seen as they would appear in real life, played by lookalike actors.

"I'm just amazed there are people who want to be known for looking like the Simpsons," said Al Jean, the show's executive producer, in a statement.

A team from British network Sky One created and commissioned the live sequence, which apes the long-running series' memorable opening shots: Bart writing on the chalkboard, Homer pulling the nuclear rod out of his shirt and Maggie and Marge at the supermarket, a Fox spokeswoman said.

"The Simpsons" was recently renewed for two more seasons, its 18th and 19th.

You Can See Where They Filmed Total Recall

2006-03-13T16:13:00.000-08:00

http://www.google.com/mars/